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I need some advice on encouraging my 13 year old son to attend alanon for teens meetings. His father is an alcoholic. My son asked to attend alanon meetings over a year ago (that's how I got started attending the meetings for adults). He went to about five and decided (and rightly so) that the meetings weren't going to fix his father. And, if his father wasn't going to get "fixed", why go at all. I've also offered to find a therapist for him to talk to...or even some adult family members who, I trust, would keep their talks confidential. I think he's angry...some of it is normal teen stuff...but I'm sure some of it is the frustration of living with an alcoholic parent. I feel like he might need to get some feelings of his chest...I can't imagine how he would not. I know some alanon parents require their children to attend meetings...not sure about that. I'm interested in hearing what any of you have done...what were the results? Thanks.
Alateen would likely help him. If you can find a face to face alateen meeting in your town, why not ask him to try it for six weeks? Also there is an alateen group here at MIP which is active from time to time.
I would go easy on confiding in relatives , personally, but that's just me.
You are welcome to come to our alanon meetings and chat here, if you haven't already.
Your sons response to attending alanon meeting were perfectly normal. As an adult when I got here I thought it was a place to learn how to "fix" my son. When I found it was a program for me I almost left too. I am forever gratful i didn't leave. Alanon may have been a little to much for a kid his age but I think taking him to alateen would greatly benefit him. I would at least say he had to attend like 12 meetings then make his own choice as weather to continue. That at least gives him some control I've no doubt he is angry.... who of us wasn't angry when we entered the program But in alateen he will be with kids in his own age group and first know he is not alone and will be better able to relate to the other kids. Thats just my own opinion you can tell him before hand that although only dad has the power to fix dad that going to alateen will help him learn more about the disease and how it affects him and what he can do to deal with that anger. This is just my opinion Blessings
Al-Anon prints some amazing books with sharrings from Alateen members for teens this may help him as they talk about thier own feelings and share recovery and what they are learning in recovery . one is a daily reader called ADAT a DAY AT A TIME .It is red in color the size of our odat , another is called Courage to be me . if you can get to the teen meeting or contact the sponsor you can purchase the books from the group or ask your literature person in your meetings to order one for you. I love the teen literature it is right to the point talks about respect for the alcoholic , reasures them its nothing to do with them , keeps the focus on the teen and off of the alcoholic encourages them to become b etter students , promotes respect for themselves. If there is a convention or speaker meeting near you therei s usually a Alateen Speaker scheduled perhaps u could attend with your son . I have been involved with Alateen for yrs and it is amazing to see the kids start to share how thier feeling with others thier own age , watch them bond and be there for each other in times of crisis ..our children are the ones who suffer the most they often see US the non drinker as the problem or dont understand why we cant make it stop and become angry . I like caolinagirls suggestion too . hehe
Unfortunately he is probably very angry. I now have an 18 year old son who I can still see suffers from the affects of growing up with an alcoholic father.
I tried many things throughout the years to get help for my son he just wouldn't hear it.
The thing that saved him was he loved sports. He failed his 9th grade year of high school things got so bad.
Well the following year he could not start football and that devistated him. He worked with a counselor through the school. Trust me it took me the whole 9th grade year for the school to listen. When I finally got thier attention it was because my son was getting into fights. I told them hey, i have been telling you this the whole year and they said well let's begin now. After much anger I had to just swollow it and agree.
My son ended up excelling in sports and better yet was able to make up that 9th grade year and graduate with honors and his class of 2010.
It takes much love and understanding to get through it all but I can tell you it is possible. I can honestly remember a time when my son had nothing in his room but a book. No tv, no x-box, no dirt bike. Did it work NO!!!!!
When he was ready to listen, understand and realize that he needed help he took the help offered and I am proud to say he is my son.
He is a loving and caring person. Don't miss understand he is 18 and with that age comes issues, but all and all I have to say I am proud of the loving man he is becoming. It began with me seeking help for myself. Once I started the domino affect took place.
