The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's been one helluva week! But, by the grace of God and thanks to the program and you wonderful people here at MIP, I'm doing pretty good.
I think my AH is the worse he's ever been. He's been to the hospital 3 times this week for alcohol poisoning - has walked out each time against medical advice. The last time, he hitch-hiked his way home and tried to steal a bottle of hand sanitizer from the hospital to drink until he could get some vodka.
He sold his riding lawn mower for $25 and a ride to the store to get booze.
He called me up and told me he drank a bottle of hair spray. I called 911.
My mother-in-law called me yesterday so distraught over her son and his disease and the fact that she may have to bury him, she said all she could think of was the fact that her husband was away for the evening and there is a gun in the house.
In addition to all of that, I'm in the middle of packing and moving out of the home my AH and I once shared.
Whew!! Like I said, it's been quite a week. But, I am actually able to write this from a pretty good place. I've accepted that my husband is a sick, sick man and that there is absolutely nothing I can do to make him stop drinking. There is nothing I can say, or not say that will make him drink, or not drink. I am truly powerless. I've always supported his efforts to get clean and go into treatment. I don't think I would ever not drive him someplace for help, or help him make a phone call to go into treatment if his shakes are too bad for him to do it. He is a chronic relapser, but, he always says that he can't stop trying. I pray everyday that someday it will "stick."
How horrendous for you, for him and for his family. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. But you said it all in your last paragraph. You have absolutely no control over what happens to him. If he is walking out of the hospital after nearly dying from drinking, then going out and drinking again, he will do ANYTHING so that he can drink. The best you can do is pray for him while maintaining your peace of mind.
Stop and Chat...don't ever hide this story from anyone searching for recovery in the program especially those who don't think they have gone thru enough yet. I remember sitting in meetings with the "poor me" attitude just boiling ready to come out only to feel grateful with "there but for the grace of God, go I." Your willingness to be in and work the program is the miracle and I'm glad you've bought it here.
For me I'd just love to have those in positions of health and policy change hear of your husband's struggle. That's my own personal reasons. It might help those who can further support change find the courage to change the things that we can.
Stay in the peace and enjoy it for present...it's a gift. (((((hugs)))))
I always use to ask, why do I have to see such things??? What do I gain by having to see all this. Even after splitting from the A , two years ago.
It was me they called when he was in the hospital near death 2 months ago and they had to drain his lungs and I had to ok the procedure, as he put my name and number down as family. He has nobody, I two would call the paramedics or not refuse a ride to rehab if need be.
What more lessons can one man have in his life, rupturing his esophagus, only 10 % survive, but he lost most of his blood and had 10 transfusions. They never expected him to pull thru, but he did, only to return to his drinking. This is not the first time he has come close to death. Im sure our stories are many!!!
I know now why I have seen these things, so I can help others and tell them that there is hope, we cannot and do not know the outcome of these sick, sick, men.
But by turning to the fellowship of Alanon, we can help eachother, give eachother strength and hope , hold eachother up, till you walk strong against the these Winds of adversity.
Keep strong, Luv, Bettina
-- Edited by Bettina on Friday 17th of September 2010 07:01:34 PM
-- Edited by Bettina on Friday 17th of September 2010 07:02:02 PM
I am going through this right now and my last week has been eerily similar. I keep repeating this phrase in my head over and over "You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you cannot cure it." It helps me remember that there is only one power that can help relieve him of his addiction, a loving higher power, without him choosing a spiritual solution to his malady he will die. It is so hard to accept. I have moments of being okay, but mostly I feel the weight and pain of grief.
Stopandchat - I am so very sorry all that is going on. Alcoholism is such a horrible disease. It is stories like this that solidify my belief that it IS a disease, not a choice or some kind of lack of willpower.
Your message has so much courage and hope in it. It is very inspiring. I am so glad you posted.
Wow, considering everything, you are doing great. That's the kind of serenity in the face of chaos that I'm looking for. Thanks for sharing, it means alot to many of us to here that it's possible to handle these things. Hoping things get sane for you soon.
Thanks for the inspiring share It helped me so much in my own struggle to deal with my son's addiction Your post gave me hope that their is peace out there for those of us who are willing to work the program. I can't say I am anywhere near the peace you are feeling but now I know it is possible the more I work the program. Thank You Blessings
Many of us deal with these types of crises on a daily basis. I don't know how we survive - but we do. This board helps more than we sometimes recognise in the survival process. Real life friends and family are wonderful but the MIP family is here, 24/7, to pick us up when we fall.
