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Well, I posted the other day about how my 7 year old grandaughter confided in me about how scared she had been when she was driving with her mother(my d) last week. She had been telling me how fast the car was going, over 90 and close to 100mph and weaving in and out of different lanes of traffic on the highway. She sounded pretty frightened and I validated her concern and told her that it was dangerous to drive like that. Her mother covered the speedometer because she saw her watching. But never slowed down apparently. I asked my GD to ask mommy if she would please not drive like this anymore because it scares her and she said "no, mommy will go faster if I tell her I`am scared". I told her not to worry that grandma will help to figure out something to get mommy to stop driving like that. I think I mentioned her horrendous driving record for speeding. In fact she got 2 speeding tickets jsut last week. Now she and I have not a great relationship. I had custody of my gd a few years back. The child has a counselor in school and outside of school. I have yet to see any counselor be "there" for this child. Last year, mommy was drinking and lost her patience and hurt this little girl and left her with a bruise. I encouraged my gd to tell counselors about what mommy did and nothing ever came about the incident. I forgot to mention, at some point my health improved this spring and I had been able to get to some outside Alanon meetings. Since then, I try not to go to the fights anymore with her for my gd sake and my own but both counselors had suggested that my d and I go for counseling. They had no idea the abuse I was going thru from my daughter and that poor child. All I can think is maybe the counselors dont listen to my gd because they "think" its still a problem between my daughter and I. Sorry for the length of this.. Anyway, this counselor that we see together sees us individually as well. He really seems like he like everyone else does leans to her side. He constantly tells me I have to trust him. I know I have trust issues but. Since this weekend I have been asking for guidance as to what I should do about the situation. I decided to call this counselor. He did not seem concerned for my gd at all. Instead he said maybe we can talk about it at the next family session. I dont believe he knows my daughter at all even though I have tried to explain things over and over . My grandaughter and I may suffer great consequences if this is brought up. He just doesnt get it. Whats wrong with these people? I feel like Iam wasting my time even going there. I dont want to sound paranoid but she seems to be able to sway all therapists to seeing something that I and her daughter don`t see. I felt such a betrayal once again by these counselors. This counselor is billing my insurance for all my daughters individual visits since her state ins. would not pay. I don`t know if that is 100% upfront or not.. Any thoughts appreciated...
Most counselors are mandated to report child abuse, that goes even for the people on suicide lines. I don't doubt they do. What CPS does with it is another matter entirely.
so you told the counselor your concerns and he is aware. I think the counselor will be able to confirm your concerns or bring them up at the session he will have with your Grand Daughter. He probably will do it in a way that will not mention that you told him.
Sometimes they have to assess the situation , and he has to gain your daughters trust or she will stop going. You have to trust him, it takes time and it is frustrating. You can have your own sit down with the counselor, everything you tell him is privleged information and between you and him.
Trust your HP, that it will all turn out to the childs benefit.
keep in mind you have the right to call cps yourself. And as far as the counseler goes...anyone worth their salt in that profession would not only handle but accept point blank questions from you. Ask for what you need, tell him what's bothering you ....say what you just said here.....he should listen.
Can't you call the Department of Social Services or whatever it is called in your area? They call it Department of Children and Families here (DCF). You can report her yourself and can your grand daughter tell her teacher? She has to report child abuse as well.
Just because a "professional" has a degree does NOT mean they know squat. I think this therapist sounds like a quack. If your daughter has a personality disorder (which it sounds like she does) then she will be able to fool professionals, law enforcement, and school officals. Personality disordered people are one way out in public and a totally different way when behind closed doors.
Google Narcisstic Personality disorder and see if the characteristics fit your daughter.
And I woul suggest finding another therapist....on your own....NOT with your daughter. It is pointless to do counseling with an active alcoholic. In fact it can be dangerous if the A also has a history of abuse.
Please be careful and do whatever it takes to keep your GD safe. Whatever it takes. There are legal avenues you can take to keep her safe, as I am sure you already know. The system is failing your GD....stay strong so you can help her.
I was told when I was a counselor that to be a good one I should have a good one. Boy was that true. I've been a child and family counselor within drug and alcohol addiction and have been a behavioral health therapist working school districts and much more. I use to harp on "openmindedness" so very often because each individual had their own personal perspective, wants, needs and issues not to mention their own personal weaknesses. Openmindedness when we were fortunate to be there all at the same time allowed us to listen deeply to the others involved and arrive at reality by consenses. When we did that we were not striving for "my" solution but "our" solution and we could get good stuff done as a group. The alcoholic and or addict did not have near as much power that they seemed to have when they "split" us into small individual units. Of course in order to get and keep the group most effective we had to give up some personal power or else fall by the same tactics the alcoholic or addict was using...trying to get their own needs met. That is the reason for the traditions in the Al-Anon Family Groups...unity. We do our best unified.
When I think of the first step, "Admitted we were powerless and that our lives have become unmanageable" I include all of us, everyone involved...the police, courts, churches, counselors, families etc. When a person is behaving abnormally or insanely regardless of the cause some will attempt to bring that person into normal behavior and some will not...the behavior of attachement or detachment. Those who detach walk away seemingly unaffected while those who attach take on "the problem" for whatever justification they give themselves for doing so until whatever end arrives for them.
I have alternatives regarding my choices today. I have consequences I aim for when making my choices hopefully. These consequences should be supportive of my life and how I want to live it, my peace of mind and serenity. Exploring alternatives was a big part of my recovery process. All solutions should not have to come from within me and they don't if I build a support group. I can and have and do use group input which arrives thru openmindedness and a willingness to giveup my oppositional defiant personality that I and only I can see or have the solution to all problems of the world. I have learned the difference between submission and surrender...the temporary letting go until I have another controling opportunity or the permanent release convinced that I will never be able and don't want to attempt it in favor of turning it over to a power greater than myself.
When I accept my powerlessness I am free of my anger and when I am free of my anger I am free of the attachment to the problem and when the problem is gone God's got it and I'm free.
Truthfully the 3 Cs and other recovery philosophies are the most appropriately healing and apart of that is about bringing me in vertical alignment with my HP. I trust God...keep my own house clean...and help others who want help.
Thanks MIP for an opportunity to reflect on how it was, what I found out and what it is like for me today. (((((hugs)))))
