The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been sick for awhile now and b/c his rehab and car accident tickets recently we have not had the money for me to take care of some issues I am b/c ... so I have been pretty under the weather these days. Ofcourse he nevers ask if Im ok or if I need something, just claims he doesnt understand. Almost as I am making too much of the situation for sympathy from him. As if that was even possible with him. So anyway I have been in bed all day and the kids have been all over the place bored and he comes home drunk. I was mad as hell to put in midly....Why, I dont know b/c he has never been there for me when I needed him... This is all such a waste of time and energy and I seem to be the only person unhappy and lonely. Why do I love this person and why cant I stop....
Being mad and stressed out doesnt help us to get well.... I hope that you can focus on yourself and getting yourself to feel better. Its no fun being sick.
Kab, there is nothing wrong in loving an alcoholic. Just in Alanon we learn to love in a different way. A loving detachment. So that we dont have to suffer the fall out of living with what this disease can put us thru, if we let it.
I hope you will be able to attend an Alanon meeting and start to implement the tools of the program into your life. Also to feel the fellowship of the meetings and to feel that you belong to something positive for your life.
You know you can come here anytime and we are here for you when you feel lonely or unhappy. Glad that you reached out. Try to detach from the alcoholic and focus on yourself and your own recovery.
Hi and thank you for your post. I think most people have felt the way your feeling, its called the effects of living with alcholism. We get so lost in the alcholic that we lose ourselves, our wants, needs and desires. But it doesnt have to stay that way, with alanon you can learn some new tools and coping skills and even find happiness in your life. Seems almost to hard to believe huh :) A miracle of the program. Please read all you can about addiction, literature , go to meetings and start working on the one thing you can change which is you. That was really the last thing I wanted to hear when I first got here, so much so I almost didnt come back. It really didnt even make sense to me. I wasnt the one with the problem so what did I have to work on? I guess desparation and feeling that others understood how I felt and I wasnt alone is what kept me coming back. Glad your here, there is hope for a better life and thats a promise :) one of the slogans that Oh how I hated was "it works if you work it", i remember thinking, you have to be kidding me!! but I was willing to try anything to get out of that dark place and quite frankly felt I had nothing left to lose, as I was farily sure my mind was even gone. Again, thank you and so glad your here and please keep coming back :)
I am right there with you at this point in time, you described how I am feeling right now. I have one extra stressor to add to that, my 15yr old son and I are in therapy for him, he is so angry and has such an attitude with me sometimes that it hurts my heart. Last night was one of those nights. I almost feel like dealing with the A boyfriend and dealing with my son at the same time is too much. I can promise you that if I had health insurance I would be in therapy myself.
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You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.
Stress can manifest itself in many ways. Maybe in your case it is making you feel physically ill. I can tell you that you aren't alone in your unhappiness and loneliness. I am sure your children are feeling the effects of the alcholic and they are going to look to you in how to cope. I can guartentee that your husband is also unhappy. I certainly have never met and alcoholic or addict that is happy. They just turn to alcohol or drugs to drown out thier pain. There is certainly nothing wrong with loving an alcoholic, we are all deserving of love. But if you choose to join the Alanon program you will learn better and healthier coping tools to help you deal with this disease and how to take care of yourself and find happiness again. It will also greatly benefit your children as I stated above. They are going to take their cues from you on how to deal with this situation and in turn they will learn better and healthier coping tools. Please find a meeting in your area and go....it is hard at first because this program revolves around fixing you not your alcoholic. And I too almost left when I found that out because i certainly wasn't the one with the problem. My partner isn't an A but my son is. And I can tell you that by the time I hit the doors of alanon I was just as sick if not sicker than my son. I was doing all the wrong things over and over again expecting different results, i was being sucked into every lie, i was sure i could control the situation and force the outcomes ...I literally was making myself crazy. Alanon showed me a different and better way. Please keep coming back Blessings
I know I went to the butchers to buy bread most of my life. I would always go back to relying on the ex A when in fact he was rarely reliable, then I would be angry.
I raged and raged at the ex A for his selfishness, his callousness and his self involvement. For a while the raging felt good, I could see it as a black and white issue.
Now I see it as chronic self neglect on my part. I certainly did care for the ex A but what about the care for myself.
I sat and sank in resentment, despair and feeling I had no choices.
In so many ways I am in the same place as I was with the ex A, I'm poor, lonely, with few resources and the choices I have I don't like. I absolutely don't like my job but I still go (no more leaving because I'm upset). I'm all on my own and I raged and raged against that when I was with the ex A. What I can accept now is I'm on my own, its up to me to make my life better, no one else will. I have responsibilites, not the same as children but certain responsibilites to myself and I don't think I've ever actively honored them.
Respect yourself, take care of yourself, work the tools. You do not have to let go of the A. You have to let go of the old ways of thinking about him.
