The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well here it is Sat. nite. I have had my 7 yr old grandaughter with me since Wed. I`am trying really hard to work the program and be a somewhat healthy person in this child`s life since she really hasn`t any other adults around. Tonight I kinda lost it when she started to tell me about her mother and how fast she was driving with her in the car the other day. She said she was driving over 90 close to 100 and going in and out of each and every lane on the highway. She was just taking her daughter out to a farm to do something together. its not like she should have evn been in a hurry. When her mother saw her looking at the speedometer, she covered it up so she couldn`t read the dial. Just last week she got 2 speeding tickets. One for $500 because she was mad about something. She has a horrific driving record. None that I`am aware of that are due to alcohol impairment but I`am terrified for this child. She is a nervous wreck. I asked her to tell her mother that it makes her scared when she drives like that but she said she will probably drive even faster if she tells her that. I can just see her doing this. I then suggested that she tell her counselor. But, this counselor has never proven to be helpful in the past. They (school counselor also) always side`s with my daughter. My daughter manages to get all her tickets taken care of by knowing someone somewhere. These looks of her`s are carrying her right to hell.. I`am so full of fear for this little girl knowing her mother drives like a maniac. I know I don`t have any power over her but certainly there has to be something to help protect this little girl from her mother. I lost it tonite and I hope to pull it together.. Tommorrow she will leave me again for a few days. I have to give this to my HP. Whoever or whatever that may be. I beg that this child and others be safe and my daughter finds honesty and help.
Well, this is probably wrong, but its my decision, when I was married to the Alcoholic and he was driving drunk most of the time, I would give the plate # to the Police. They never picked him up, but it made me feel better .
Your daughter is committing child endangerment and should be taken off the road. I dont know how you go about doing that, but I would speak to a Police officer and see what can be done.
Know you are in my prayers and that sweet child as well. Nothing you can do except give it to God.
You can call the police and report her plates if that makes you feel better at least you now you have done all you can.
My heart hurts for you and your g-daughter right now. I am a g-ma also and could not imagine. My husband use to take my son and i knew for sure he was gonna drink.
Keep the faith...keep coming back....above all just love your g-daughter. May God Grant You the Serenity to get thru this tough time in your life.
I am not sure where you live...but if your grandaughter tells her counselor that her mother is putting her in danger by driving recklessly and at very high speeds by LAW in the United States that counselor if required to report that to the authorities. That is child endangerment and a form of abuse. I can only tell you what I would do if I were in your shoes and I don't know that it is very "alanony" of me but your grandaughters safety must come first and foremost. First I would contact the counsler and inform her that if your grandaughter informs her again of any kind of endagerment her mother is putting her in and the counsler does not report it to the proper authorities you will report her to the school district, and child protective services. After you have informed the counsler of this i would then encourage your grandaughter to again open up to the counsler about the danger her mother is putting her in. At that point if it is not reported I would follow up with reporting the counsler to the proper authorities. I know that sounds extreme but someone needs to stand up for this little girl and while you also could report your daughter to the authorities ( and it may come to that) getting that info from a counsler will hold a little more weight. Personally I reported my own brother and his wife to child protective services because of the extreme fights they would have to the point they would draw guns on each other. They didn't physically abuse brothers daughter but their behavior certainly put her in danger. My brother of course hit the roof when I did that but with some manipulation on my part i was able to get him to hand his daughter over to me. I raised her till she was a senior in HS. Prayers to you and grandaughter
Thanks for all the replies and encouragement. I have been considering telling all these counselors but I chance my daughter pulling this child out of my life. I do not think they will take her away from her mother for this. My daughter and I started counseling recently and the counselor told me that if I report any abuse all that the authorities would do is recommend that she attend counseling which she is already doing. This counselor see`s both my daughter and I individualy and I sometimes feel he sides with her. More so even when I`am telling him about her abusive personality. I would would have to turn in the school counselor, and the childs counselor if they did nothing like they did last year, and this family counselor! Last year,my daughter hit her with a book and she was bruised. I encouraged her to tell both her counselors. Nothing came of it... My daughter can make people believe the sky is purple. At one time I had custody of this child for almost a year. Child Protective Services took my daughters side! If it were not for a judge at that moment asking for a urine test, she would had gotten off again. You are all right about what I should do but I`am afarid nothing would ahppen but her taking this child away from me. Fear & Doubt is running rampant.... My daughter can be very vengful.. I do appreciate all of you and I still might follow through... I just don`t get why these counselors wont help this child...
Before you take any action, you have to ask yourself the really tough question: am I part of the solution or part of the problem? If you can be part of the solution, then I can tell you it will be the hardest thing you will ever do. If you are part of the problem, then doing nothing is best. My adult daughter is an alcoholic. It is the story we all know so I won't tell you how my situation is worse than yours. It all stinks. My daughter was putting her sons in jeopardy in every way you can imagine. My heart was broken, my spirit was broken, my nerves were shot, my health was awful, my bank account was drained, my business was failing. It was the same old story: her disease was killing me and the boys. It was not until I gained the tools thru Alanon that I could face what had to be done. It took years and years of working my steps and learning the hard lessons. I was finally to really let God 'take the wheel' and guide me. I had sought legal counsel many times and was always told to 'fly under the radar and just keep the boys out of harms way because as a grandparent I really had no rights'. I really did everything that I could to protect them. We were all emotional wrecks and I had reached the bottom. As God works wonders, out of the blue, a client at my desk told me about an attorney who had just helped her with a similar situation. This was his speciality. I called him that day. The short story is that we did go to court. My daughter signed the papers to have me as their sole legal guardian. Her ex would not sign, but a very wise judge instinctively knew that he was trouble (side-bar: he is in prison now). In a matter of about 2 months, I was awarded sole guardianship of these boys. It's been about 8 years now and they are both loving and energetic teenagers with good friends and good grades. Their mother visits and knows that I am very serious about boundries. (I have had her removed from my home on a few occassions by the local police; once even on Christmas. I am serious about taking back my life and keeping these boys safe.) Do I miss and love my daughter? Of course I do. She is doing better and has a new husband who seems very supportive. I had to let her go. I could not live her life. I could not change the bad decisions she was making. I am always reminded of my favorite saying: The defination of insanity is doing the same thing over and expecting different results. I wish you the strength you need to make the best decisions for your family.
