The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
You never have to back up or feel bad because you are taking care of yourself. Put your guilt feelings where they belong......in the trash. I've been exactly where you are. Aren't we something (Al-Anoners), we do the next right thing for "us" and then feel bad because we took care of "us" first. I've been there a thousand times.
Kath put the focus on yourself and not the alcoholic in your life. Let go of your concerns an worries.
HUGS, RLC
P.S. Kath I bet you are a good parent and a good person, quit being so hard on yourself.....you don't deserve that girl. Now go have a good weekend.
He is an adult, he can get his own meds. If he cannot afford them,there are programs now for people to be able to get them. When you did not enable him by making it easy, you gave him the opportunity to figure it out for himself. Which can only help him. Our A's lost out on so many life experiences that would have made it possible for them to mature. We learn through al anon to step back and allow them the dignity to figure out things for themselves.
We have got to stop doing anything for them!
We tend to forget as they use, they stay at the maturity level they were at when they began using.
They may get sober, get a strong recovery program, but in reality be only 15 or 19 or 21! Whatever age they started, they need go go through life challenges to grow up just as we did and do.
You are a good person, parent. You don't smother, enable! Good for you. So pat yourself on the back and be happy for you and your AH. You did a good thing!
What a difficult position. The ex A sought care from the VA and their programs are really good about pretty much everything. Nevetheless his health was always an issue and a real guilt inducer for me.
I don't actually know how much an active A thinks of others. I certainly had a lot of proof the ex A relied on me and felt that I would always be there for him. At one time I liked that at another time I changed perspective. The fact you are questioning that is a real sign you are looking to change dependency issues.
I know one of the key things I liked about al anon was there was no mandate on what to do about dealing with the A. There were suggestions. I also know the tools, detachment, focusing on myself and more were very hard for me to grasp and whats more I wasn't that good at them for a long long time.
