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Ok, So I have been Praying on this, and I just can't step back far enough to really listen, and that is the "Just" of it really...
Most know I have an entire family of "A's" and one is my older Sister, Now I love her, However... She isn't always easy to love... She is 4 years older then me, and we have since small children "NEVER" gotten along... Well Since i had my son 13+ Yrs ago, I have "Tried" my best to Accept her for who she is, and keep peace for the sake of my son, and He ADORES her, but he don't know that past I endured with her, and I would never tell him...
Since Al-Anon/ACOA I have been doing my best to "Let Go & Let God", I have been Doing my Serenity Prayer "Religously" EVERY time I am around her, and NOW, it seems EVERYTHING I do, and every where I turn, She is Stuffed Up My Behind... Now I wish I could just look at her and say... "Go Away, I Need a Time Out!" but I can't because my son is so close to her, I have tried talking to her, and she just gets "Pissy" and wont speak to me but still does the same annoying things time and time again...
Examples: I Love to take Pictures LOVE TOO got into it alot more when my son was born , she never picked up a camera till I did...Now she does it to.. and Now wants a Camera "Just like Mine"
When I am at my property at the river... She is always wanting to do what I do, going were I go, I bought a kayak, within a Month, She had a Kayak (Mind you she is obese and does NOTHING)... But if mine hits the water her's has to as well. I can't get peace, because she is constantly bad mouthing someone, never anything about how Well someone is doing or how far they have come...NEGATIVE NELLIE Should have been her Name.....
She found out that Myself, and My SILaw Walk in the evennings while our sons are at soccer practice, NOW "She wants to walk with us" but she said she don't know if she can do the 4 miles we do right away... I Told her that I didn't know if that would be a good thing to do because "we" myself & SILaw truly have limited time to get it in and get back and we couldn't wait on her... She still wants to do it...
Last night my son has a Soccer game, 40 miles from were she lives, I didn't even know the directions myself because it was back some country road, and I got lost... She texts and tells me she needs directions I told her i didn't know if I could get her there or not, but ... She starts asking a Guess Farmers were it is... ,So when she gets there, the entire game she is standing behind my chair, bad mouthing "EVERYONE" around her, and not a voice that is secretive... She had tubes put in her ears as a child and has a hard time hearing herself, and it is LOUD....I felt like an Idiot... Here I sit with all my sons friends Parents all around me and this is what they get to hear... I didn't respond to ANYTHING she said, just sat there feeling like a Huge Butt...
I ride a motorcycle, she told me the other day she was getting one so "WE" could ride... auhhhh it is INSANE... She HAS To have contact with me (5) days a week, if I don't respond, she will text me ALL DAY "Did You Get My TEXT" and if she still don't hear from me, she will start calling right after she & I get off work... (She has a Daughter who is now 20 and acts just like her)... So... They don't get along either but, its got worse since her daughter isn't in constant contact and is slowly pushing her away like she does everyone but ME....
Now Mind ya as a Child.. She Hated My Guts... and Now that she is 40...She wants to be stuffed up my Behind...Now God did not Raise me to be a "Mean Spirited" person, and she is one that if you do piss her off, then she doesn't speak to your for YEARS "At times I think this would be a blessing, but my son would be crushed"... When my AFather Pasted of alcoholism in 2008 she had not spokin to him in over 12 years.... and our Entire family is only but 10 miles apart in ANY Direction...
I guess My Questions is this... How Do I Make it Stop, Without Changing Who "I" am, and not becoming Her!!! I don't want to be rude, or cut her down... But Honestly she is the sucking up the Very Air I breathe... We are on two differant sides of the world in what "I" like to do, and what she does... When she can't be in contact with me, she is on a bar stole with a man she has lived with for 18yrs, and hates... I'm home Quilting, crafting and spending time with my family that I Love... She only will find a way to do something, IF "I" Am doing it... IF I have it, IF it is somthing I said I wanted or Liked...
I can't "Enjoy" any of our time together because she is always negative, and there are habits she has that drive me NUTS... I know I am venting and I am sorry, but I Honestly Don't have a Clue, how to balance her behavior, and balance my time tring to get away from her with out harming my son... He too will mention her negative outlook when she is around adults, and I try to just brush it off, but most of the time I want to scream... "She is a Hateful, Self Centered, Witch"... but then that would not make me the person I am trying my Damnest to aspire too... I wish I could express the rest, but I would be here all day, and that is just the things she has done THIS week, and its only Thurs... I am Really Trying, but I just don't know which way to go here... They all call me the "Peace Keeper" and frankly... I'm the ONLY one Not Getting ANY PEACE...
Thanks for Listening...
Love & Prayers
Jozie
PS... Can ya tell I haven't been able to get to a F2F meeting in going on (3) weeks... Prayin HP Helps me get to the next one tomorrow :(
Jozie...I love this part; "and He ADORES her, but he don't know that past I endured with her, and I would never tell him..." I had to learn how to take the "but" out of my reservations toward unconditional love and insert an "and" to get rid of the reservations and conditions I put up in front of me toward loving another person. I know how hard it was learning how to do that and I know how much of a blessed relief it was after I did. My sponsor and the program brought me to the awareness of that it was exactly how my HP loved me. Today I still have the alcohol affected family I was born and raised within and today I have another family who have taught and supported me in understanding that "acceptance is the solution to all of my problems". You're gonna get thru this...let your son sponsor you on the subject of acceptance. Watch how he does it and then duplicate it. (((((hugs)))))
