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I know I`am suppose to mind my own business "but".. I`am very upset with my daughter`s behavior and how it may be affecting her 7 year old daughter. She is getting older now and people around her apartment complex are talking about her (my daughter) and they are also talking about her athe the childs school. She blows it off as its just her ex boyfriend starting trouble but the truth is what he is saying is true. She sleeps with everyone. My grandaughter is bound to start to understand this. I don`t know what the hell is wrong with her but she doesnt seem to learn anything. Every guy she goes out with breaks up with her. Its like there is nothing upstairs. I babysit 4 nights a week and the other nigh she lied and told me she had a date with a new guy she met in the gas station. She was having her father watch her little girl but promised me he would put her to bed. I don`t completely trust him. I`ve told her things in the past but apparently she doesn`t care because I called that night and she had left early and left her alone with the grandafther to be put to bed. The next morning I called and she wasn`t home yet. Now, this little girl is getting to be at an age when she is going to know mommy must have slept with the guy she had the date with. Is it so very wrong of me to say something to her about this? I know, she`ll probably tell me to mind my business. She was probably drunk anyway. Do I leave it in HP`s hands. Sometimes I just feel somethings need to be said... I want so badly to blow up at her. But would obviously do it in a calmer manner. Any advice appreciated.
Isnt it a shame that the kids have to suffer the sins of the Mother or Father.
As a Grandparent, you do have rights. You cant control her drinking , but in my opinion, you do have a say so as far as your Grandchild is concerned. Many a Grand Parent have gotten custody because of a bad parent. She should be more conscience of what your telling her as far as the child. It sounds like a bad situation, her sleeping around and being drunk around her little girl, it cant be good.
I know you have to be careful of what you say, because she can stop you from seeing her, but I dont think she would , because she depends on you for babysitting.
You yourself know that you have to be doing some loving detachment from the situation and pray your Grandchild is protected. You can let your daughter know that she can bring your Grandaughter there anytime she needs too, so you know she is safe. Have as much interaction with your Grandchild as possible.
Gram...making the statement "I don't know what's wrong with her..." suggest that there is denial on your part. You are at MIP and have had suggestions regarding going to Al-Anon face to face meetings and all of your support here is from those who have been affected by someone elses drinking so "most" likely the problem is alcoholism. She is not normal, she is very sick and so is the entire situation including yourself. Ugh I didn't like that feedback but it was true. I relate to your situation because I was married to an alcoholic who did much like what your daughter is doing and I had to finally reach the acceptance and awarenesss that the problem was alcoholism.
The kids? Alcoholism touches everyone it comes into contact with and never in a positive healthy way. This is a progressive disease...it gets worse never better. The face to face meetings are invalueable when you go with an open mind and sit, listen and learn.
An early sponsor helped me to face reality and get out of denial after he had heard me ask that same question, "What's wrong with her?". My sponsor told me, "If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, the chances are...It's a duck." I will never forget that lesson because even today when I'm around a duck I remember my alcoholic wife. LOL
What your grand-daughter requires is to be around recovering people so I suggest you get in and start your own recovery elsewise she will also be touched by how this disease is affecting you. That is happening in my family at the moment and my wife and I mirror the program back into the insanity when it's around. Quack!!
You and your daughter and grand-daughter have my prayers. (((((hugs)))))
Jerry, sorry but what is MIP? My daughter is a liar as most A`s I don`t even remember seeing her drunk. But know she drinks. Does that make sense? Would look me in the face and say I dont drink or if I drink I dont have aproblem with alcohol just drugs. Says she has never had alcohol even around when the child has been there. I dont think she consumes on a daily basis but who knows. It doesn`t matter its her behavior. Its sick!
The child spent the night with me while the mother is off with the new boyfriend. I cant get to many meeetings if any if she is here 5 nights a week. She flipped out on me tonight and hurt me by twisting my arm and scratching it. Not the first time she has acted out. She tells me I was yelling at her. She thinks if I raise my voice at all its yelling. Her mother is a screamer. This poor kid. But what about me? Iam feeling lost...She wants to control me. I try to set limits and I get scratched.
If your grandaughter is already acting out...twisting and scratching your arm she is already clearly affected. I can only repeat what has already been suggested by others. We have meetings here online twice daily... start with that and start working your recovery. Since you get to spend alot of time with your grandaughter as you get healthy and start changing your behaviors she will also learn healthy behaviors. Blessings in your recovery
I was good at the blow ups. These days I avoid them. I can understand your concern about all the issues that are in front of you. In al anon we learn how to deal with them. Why not try one of the al anon tools. Maresie.
