The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've never felt so alone and so sad as I feel at this time in my life.
The dispare that surrounds the parents of addicts and alcololics invades every aspect of the persons life.
I've come to realize my words have no affect on the child I once knew, as they no longer reside within the body of the person I'm now seeing.
It becomes exhausting to have hopes that constantly become dashed.
You begin to realize each word they mumble is filled with lies designed souly to buy them more time to continue the addictions they've fallen victim to.
Anything to get out of a confrontation that would require them to be honest with you or themselves will be uttered in hopes of continuing the game of deceit.
In my mind their situation is the true war between good and evil.
It pains me to watch them be so deceived by the dark side while giving up all chances to live and be loved by anything good in this world or the next.
If I could say anything to them and they were actually able to hear and absorb the message it would be "stop". Stop this painful spiral to destruction for both yourself and us.
The parents who loved them, who cared for them, who nurished and protected them from harms way as children find themselves now helpless to protect them from themselves.
To have to step back and watch them toss out all of your hopes and dreams of any symbolance of healthy grown adult sons is beyond painful.
Words like jail time, probation, fines, fees, wrecks, emergency rooms, police reports become common place.
Bantered around as if it's the lifestyle they have chosen which sadly includes all those who know and love them.
Words like we are hurting, this is killing us, we can't afford to pay that for you mean nothing to them.
It's like being living source of food for a cancer that eats away at you while you are still alive and you feel helpless to extract yourself from their onslaught of pain.
I'm so sorry to hear what's going on for you. I am feeling dispairing as well but for different reasons...I don't know if this is any help...but I know what it feels like to feel helpless and hopeless. I don't even have a lot of faith that it will change, but it's been pointed out to me that "if nothing changes, nothing changes"....so I've got to change whatever I have the power to change. This program is one way of making some changes to my thinking and attitudes....I'm far from successful so far, but it's all I've got and other people seem to have gained a lot from it. Heck, in the past so did I, but I stopped going "when things were good" and now they are not good. At the very least people here care. Keep posting and work the program as best you can.....for me it's the only hope at this time.
Thank you for posting that, Peggy. It made me cry. I have three children, 17, 13, and 5. All are healthy today, but your post reaches in and pulls out of of my greatest fears and I know all to well, "..but for the grace of God go I"...
I'm glad you are here.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Thanks for your post.... You just described my life as you know my son is an A Brought tears to my eyes that our beautiful children have chosen a path of destruction and we are powerless to stop the spiraling of them going down. It is just not natural for us parents not to be able to "fix" our childrens problems. I mean thats our job right? But they resent us for anything we try to do to really help them that doesn't include enabling. God Bless You You are in my prayers
You and your family are in my prayers. The road of addiction is paved straight from he** it is the truth.
It's like a hamster strying to get off the wheel it woln't stop. No wonderful words of wisdom here. I have an 18 year old son that I worry about heading down that path all the time.
A couple of weeks ago one of his friends actually od'd in my home. Talk about walking down the devi's path.
The sad truth is no matter how much we biatch, hollar, lecutre it goes in one ear and out the other as the world of addiction is right on there heals.
It first takes the spirit then the soul and eventually there very life. I will keep you in my prayers and hopes.
alcoholism is indeed cunning baffling and powerful. The ex A who I was with for 7 years went to a point where every day was a crisis. He maintained a steadfast denial through it all. Homelessness, povery, desperate illnesses, eviction, reckless driving you name it he did it. Nothing but nothing convinced him to stop, he used throughout it all.
What I had to give up was wanting something for him. I know when I am in a detachment place I can see the alcoholic for how sick they are. I also know I have to readjust my expectations and that was one of the hardest things for me to do.
I understand completely how trapped in the disease you must feel. I have felt that way many times myself, although not with my son, with my husband. As devastating as the disease is, we do have choices for how we conduct ourselves - as do our affected loved ones. For a long time, I was so enmeshed with my AH, I did not see him as a separate person and I could not detach from his choices. With the help of alanon, I eventually could - little by little. It was one of the most loving things I could do.
(((((Peggy)))))...The surprise for me was that when I let go HP found the right person to step in and cause the change. Letting go and trusting at first seems impossible and then that is what works. You are so supported and loved and so are the children even when they don't think at all or think they can do without it. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
(((Peggy))) we have missed you in our am meetings and hope you will be back. Thank you for your post, it brought tears to my eyes as I read it. I simply cannot imagine for a single moment dealing with a child at any age being swallowed up by addiction...Please do not ever give up hope that god will find them........we miss you and love you peggy so glad to hear from you...blessings and prayers your way !!
Peggy big (((((HUGS)))))))), I know every word in your post. The pain of alcoholic children is the worst. I have no words of wisdom. Right now after jail time, fines, broken hands...my son appears to have some sobriety in his life. I am grateful, but I know how hard that tight rope is to walk.
One thing I do know for fact is that there is nothing I can or can not do to keep him sober.
I know that there are things I can do that will keep my serenity, but some days ya know it's hard. I hope you are attending meetings. They help keep me on track.
I send prayers your way and hope today is a better day!
Thank you for your ability to put on paper what I know many of us parents feel who have addicted children. I have 2 children inflicted with the disease. I pray for new beginnings for them both in the future as I`am sure you do as well. Although I do know all too well about the reality of living in the day with these two who continue to go around in denial.
