The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Had this somewhat depressing thought yesterday and it's stuck with me....I feel like I have nothing to live for......now I'm not suicidal so don't anyone panic....but I feel like I just go through the motions each day. Even when doing things I like (cooking, playing guitar etc.) the good feelings last until the activity is over and then I feel ......I don't know how to describe it......like there's nothing to live for..... There's nothing to look forward to, nothing that greatly interests me....no direction....nothing. I don't know what to do about it either. Each day is filled with it's responsibilities and I waste time farting around on the internet and such. I have a deck that I need to repair and can't get motivated. I feel stuck.....that's really the problem. And I have no hope of things changing. Financially we are not in real trouble, but there's little or no money to do much, not that it would fix my feelings...it's just that all the things I'd like to do to the house etc simply will never happen. Same with buying that new guitar I have my eye on, no nice vacations, nothing. I can keep busy and distract myself, but the sense of floating on a raft in the ocean seems to apply here. There's no land in sight, nothing I can do about it, I dont' know which way to go, and if I did I'm too far away to ever get there.....man this sucks.
I guess the one thing that you can be grateful for is that you have a place to come and express your feelings.
Im listening, dont know what to say or how to make you feel hopeful again, perhaps you really dont want a response, you just need to vent. Go ahead and vent.
I really hope you have a break thru, perhaps some connection with a HP is what your missing. My hope for you is that you make that connection.
Wow Bettina...a direct hit on the recovery nail...Attitude of Gratitude and a gratitude list. I add to that pearl repetition of step one and quiet review of step two and three along with the "Just For Today" CAL pamphlet. I'm sure there are more suggestions just waiting to come in the door. ((((hugs))))
mjhyankees - sorry you are feeling this way. I have been here myself; just feeling that things are so wrong in my life - not how I expected them to turn out. I saw an workplace health counsellor as home problems were spiiling over into work life. She was lovely and very wise. She advised me to stop analysing everything too much and just live for the moment (one day at a time). It made/makes perfect sense and I have been much more relaxed since I have been following that advice.
Awareness is one of the crucial steps to being able to make changes for yourself, whatever those changes need to be.
I've found when I'm feeling down and like my life is one long dull, monotonous, drawn-out story, that taking some time to write down the things I'm grateful for in my life can change my perception. I've actually been in the habit of keeping a daily gratitude journal and I really can't speak enough for how it's helped keep me feeling upbeat and like there IS hope in my life, even when in the deep chaos of living with an active alcoholic.
Gratitudes don't need to be "epic" things, either - like having a million dollars. It's finding gratitude in the small things in my life that has really made a difference. Like feeling grateful to have a comfortable bed. Grateful for a good night's sleep. Grateful for a phone call from a friend. Grateful for chocolate. Grateful for fluffy white clouds.
Bad little things are what typically tear us down... but the GOOD little things can build us up.
The gratitude journal also helped in an off-handed way with the reasons for the decisions I started making about my life and changing my situation. It turned things from an outlook of "This sucks. I can't do this anymore. I need to change NOW." to "This is kind of unpleasant. I have a lot of great things going for me, though, in these other areas of my life. I wonder what I might do to improve my other situation... what can be done?"
It really removed the urgency that would usually come in the form of snap-decisions (reacting instead of responding). I'd feel much better about the decisions I made for myself because I then took much more time in deciding to do things. Because I gave things more thought, I was a lot less likely to regret making a bad decision made on impulse.
Hi ((((mjhyankees))) I, too, seem to go through times when I think "what's the use?". When the first thing you think when you wake up in the morning is, "oh, no, another day. What is there to even get out of bed for?" it's a horrible, hopeless feeling. And it doesn't help when dear friends point. Out to me that I have so much to live for, so many things to be thankful for. That only makes it worse because I know they are right, then I feelguilty on top of everything else. I don't know if it will help you, but one of the things I do when I get like this is to make a 'to-do' list for the next day before bed each night. I put EVERYTHING on it, even stuff like 'brush teeth' and 'wash my hair'! Then the next day, I do my best to do as many of my list items as I can and I mark each one off as I do them. Sometimes I do a bunch, sometimes only a few, but it seems to help me at the end of the day to look at those marked off items and realize I have accomplished something. And it helps me when I wake up in the morning to know I have a plan. It may not be a grand plan or seem important to anyone else, but it's mine and it helps me feel better about myself. And I always try to put in at least 1 thing that's for someone else: send a card to someone who' sick or hurting, call someone who may be lonely, fix some cookies for a shut-in neighbor. Like I said, I don't always DO everything on the list but it seems to help me just to put it in writing. Just a thought- maybe it will help.
Love from Denise
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The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time.
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"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time."
I've also been in therapy for years. I have to say sometimes it takes a long long time to filter through. I've now been in al anon for a few years and I'd also say that working the program, working the steps, looking at tools is also a whole new paradigm.
Acceptance is enormously hard for me. I felt for years that acceptance was resigning myself to accept an intolerable place. Actually it is quite the opposite in order to move from an intolerable place I had first to accept I was there.
I've had depression for a long time. There was for me a clear link between being absolutely overwhelmed by the ex A and feeling defeated,powerless and completely despairing. I had to come here to get away from that sense of despair. I feel like I belong here and come here almost daily and feel absolutely connected with many people. I do believe connection is one of the real ladders out of feeling absolutely spent, exhausted and desperate.
I am glad you are willing to look at this issue. I think willingness is one of the key points to move to another spot.
