The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I got him into the car, but once I explained to him that I wanted to take him somewhere so that he could "rest" and receive regular meals, and get him some decent clothes, it was on.
He became belligerent, to the point of opening the car door with us going down the highway doing about 50 mpr, he had unhooked his seat belt and saying he would jump out of the car, I then grabed his T-shirt and hung on, telling him to calm down and let us just talk, he is having none of it, and then told me he would kick my windshield out if I didn't stop the car and turn it around.
You all know the scene all too well, told me that doesn't do that many drugs, he doesn't need rehab all he needs is for me to buy him a car.
(((((Dreams)))))...Put that one in the "things that won't work file" and go back to the basics. You needed a power greater than yourself and evidently your HP wasn't having anything to do with it either. Back to the basics, call sponsor, get to a meeting, jump into the steps, traditions and slogans and literature and go nose to nose with HP. HP won't be mad and you might even hear a "nice try but I got him when I got him unless you pull him back." One thing you are for sure is a lover...great heart, persistant, just gotta use that on yourself. I got ((((hugs)))) and prayers for you and that boy of yours and since my HP can already read my intentions...the prayers are already there. They don't roll very well at 50 mph and with the windshield out the bugs smack harder and get in your eyes and teeth. Glad you turned around.
Got to give you credit, I have done that one a few times. It only managed to put him away a few weeks, when he got out, the minute he got out, he started where he left off.
If you want to try it again, you have to be connected I think to the mob. I remember Carol Burnett was interviewed on a talk show and trying to get help for her daughter, she hired some body guard type guys and they came and took her daughter away to a facility and lock up. I think Carol was at her wits end and it worked, so unfortuanate that her daughter was off drugs, died young of cancer. It was sad. Also, George Hamiltons son, in and out of rehab for so many years, they never gave up on him.
Its difficult when its your child, dont ever give up on him, I know your working on yourself and your serenity, but if you have enough strength use it for your boy. He is still in your keeping. I agree with Alanon totally when its a spouse or any other adult and they are of age. I dont think detachment works so well when its your child. Maybe I shouldnt post this, but I have to say what I feel. We have to call it as we see it, not everything goes by the book. You do what you feel is in your heart, I know too many people that have lost their young to this miserable horrible disease. You just didnt have enough muscle. Maybe thats my Italian heritage coming thru, but Ive seen it work wtih my own nephew. Luv, Bettina
So sorry you went through that today. I marvel at your fortitude that you even gave it a shot. I've not got my AH in the car for a "little ride", but damn close to it. I was master of emotional blackmail, and I have on more than one occassion gotten him into inpatient or outpatient rehab. I felt very proud of myself too. As I look back, it was "My Will Be Done", not "Thy Will Be Done" and it didn't work. He figuratively kicked and screamed, I would have paid anything for it to me be to go away for a month and not worry about the outside woes. I realized I needed better self care.
I see from your prior post that your son is not doing well in terms of his health. I can only say that in my previous experience, I did often get medical help for AH. If your son needs emergency care, I do not think it can be denied.
This is the most heartbreaking test of our will to turn our loved one over to HP, it is not easy, but it is all you can do.
Hugs, Rocky
-- Edited by Rocky38 on Monday 23rd of August 2010 09:58:35 PM
Turning your son over to a power much greater than yourself is not giving up. I know you love your son unconditionally and would do anything under the son for him. You proved that again today, but when everything is all said and done it is a choice only he can make. If he becomes sober, and I hope and pray he will, HP will show him the way.
We are powerless over the disease. I accept and believe the first step in the program. "We are powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable". We can't save the alcoholic in our life from this disease. We can only try and fail because the disease is simple to powerful.
As Hot Rod stated turn your son over to HP and then rest. I couldn't agree more. Allowing your son the freedom to suffer the consequences of his own choices without any interference is the best thing you can do for yourself and your son. Your health and well being are important. You must start taking care of yourself and get your life back. HP can and will do the rest.
You and your son are in my prayers. HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Monday 23rd of August 2010 11:59:34 PM
Hi i am new to alanon i am sorry to hear about what happened. I read more and more that I cant force anyone to stop drinking and using and hurting themselves. It hurts i am trying to learn to trust my HP and my loved ones HP. I hope yu get some peace.
I am sorry you had to go thru that. You tried your best and I know as a parent how hard it is when our best isn't good enough. It is so painful when we can't save our children. I have tried unsuccesfully to get my son help through medical professionals as he tried a suicide attpemt once. He told us he told the police there was so much evidence but once the crisis team got around to him he had sobered up and retracted everything he had said so we were told sorry can't help him UGH! I have and continue to struggle everyday to turn my son over to HP as I know HP is the only one with the power to help my son. I do try and tug of war with HP at times when I try and intervene and ya know what HP just lets go and lets me try "my way" one more time even though we all know it will be fruitless. It's easy to say to turn it over to HP and so hard to do when it is our child. But I remind myself all the time my son was HP's child long before he was mine and no one could love him more than his HP. God Bless and Prayers to you and son Blessings
(((Dreams))) I'm so sorry for your experience. I have learned that until they are ready, we can do everything but stand on our heads and nothing will help. It is a journey that they have to go alone. They have to decide to get clean and do the work to get that way and stay that way. I have seen from my experiences that that the better I get, the harder my AH is working to keep up with me. I'm sure it would tougher with a son, but the principles are the same. Keep on with Alanon and turn him over to his HP. I'm not saying that you should give up. If there is breath, there is hope. I pray for the best for you and that your son will soon decide that sobriety will be a better way of life for himself instead of addiction. Peace to you.
When the world said give up, hope whispered, "Try one more time."
