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My son is gone ,he is consumed by something i cannot control and it is ripping my heart out.The pain is so excruciating i can hardly breath.Since he was 15 i have been on a rollacoaster ride to now he is 21.Where did my son go he was such a lovely child.The hopelessness i feel at not being able to save him is killing me.i see him sitting there drunk like an old bum with no regard for his body which used to be so healthy but now is sick.he dosent care and it kills me more and more each day.I love him so so so much and i dont know what to do.He has been to detox and is now hopefully going to rehab.But i am constantly in fear that he is going to die,i have 5 daughters as well who are all non drinkers and it is also hard for them to see there big brother this way.When he is sober everyone he meets loves him for he is a very sensitive soul.This makes it so much harder for me as it makes me so deeply sad for him.I know i must let him go now for i have done all i can and i need to look after my other children ,it feels like he has already died the pain is so great.I will always love him deeply.
Aloha TW...I'm sad with you from my own experiences with my eldest drinking using son.
From my experience I know that a Power Greater than yourself hears you and is also waiting for your son to hook up with HP also. The Hope is from what I was taught to do...Let go of my son and turn him over to his real Father; HP. After I turned him over I continued to work the program of Al-Anon and during those times when my son and I hooked up what I responded with didn't make things worse. Amazing how this program works because I promised things would come out that exact way. I let go and he eventually started to make changes for himself. Neither he or I have come out perfect but we sure are better than before. He is now 45 years of age still married to the same wife who was also born and raised in the disease and have three children and now a grand child of their own.
My spouse and I stand outside of their ring only willing to be of help if they need it and ask and then leaving them to their own choices and consequences.
This program works. find the face to face meetings in your area and go as fast as you can and get happy. In support (((((hugs)))))
What you have been doing for the past 6 years has not worked and will not work. "We are powerless". We can't save the alcoholic in our life. "We are powerless". We have no control over what they do or don't do. "We are powerless" If you think back on the last 6 years I'm sure you will agree. "We are powerless and our life has become unmanageable".
The disease of alcoholism is like no other. You are not dealing with the son you love and would do anything for. You are dealing with a disease that is selfish, cunning, baffling, and powerful. Without help we become as sick or sicker than the alcoholic in our live. In f2f meetings you will find the help you need to make your live better and much more manageable. Al-Anon is over 60 years old and has thousands of members world wide. Give the program an opportunity to change your life.
Do as Jerry suggested....hand you son over to a power much greater than yourself, and then allow HP to work "His" miracles. It's time for you to start taking care of yourself first....If you don't how are you going to take care of your 5 daughters. Remember there has never been an alcoholic who ever said he was saved by his Mom. All your love, begging, pleading, crying and worrying has not and will not save him. Allow your son to suffer the consequences of his own decisions without any interference for you. It's the best thing you can do for him. He and only he can save himself....and only then with the help of his HP. Consider giving him that opportunity.
I wish only the best for you and your son. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Saturday 21st of August 2010 07:42:42 PM
Your post just broke my heart as you just told my own story. My son also 21 is an addict and our lives have been in total chaos since he was around 15. My once bright, athletic, loving, humorous son has become a man i dont recognize anymore. I can't even count how many visits we have had from the police, the paramedics etc anymore. This is a disease that will tear a family apart piece by piece if you let it...and this disease will take you right down with the alcholic/addict. Until I walked thru the doors of alanon I seriously thought my life was over, that I would never know peace or serenity again. All I could feel was the incredible pain for my son. I strongly urge you to get to an alanon meeting in your area or join us here online for our meetings...I can't stress this enough. This program has saved my life and my sanity. I came here thinking I would find a fix for my son and when I found this program was for ME I almost did not come back but I am here to tell you to please stay and work the program. As you change your sons actions may change also. He may not get sober as he has to hit his own bottom, it sounds as though you have hit yours and are reaching out for help. So let us help you...we are not here to judge you or to tell you what decisions to make. Whatever decisions you make are completly up to you. Here you will find a place of love and support...you are not alone anymore. In meetings you will hear the ESH Experience, strenght and hope of those who are experiencing exactly what you are going thru. You can take what you like and leave the rest. Only you know whats right for you. I pray you try our program and start to regain your life back. Prayers and blessings to you and your son
I hear your terrible pain and understand how very hard this road is.
You have found a beautiful place where you will be heard, comforted and given some constructive tools to enable you to cope with this dreadful disease.
Alcoholism is a dreadful disease. You did not cause it, cannot control it and cannot cure it.
Please follow the suggestion from people who have been there . Find alanon meetings in your community, turn the care of your "Beautiful Boy" over to the love of his Higher Power and bring yourself to share our love and community
It is going to take all you have got to not let your son take you away from your other children, they will consume the family. I know, I have a thirty year old son that started this right out of high school.
I hope yours will come to realize what this is doing to him, but you are powerless over this. The only power you have is over your own behavior. I know that sounds foreign to a mother that desperately wants to help her "beautiful boy".
It is very painfuly to compare them to what they used to be beside what they have become. I was cleaning out a desk this morning and I found pictures of my son as a child, he was happy, with a big smile on his face, eyes that sparkled. And just as if on que the Beatle's song "Yesterday" came on my iPod, it sent chills down my back.
thank you all it does help to get things off my chest which feels as though there is 10 thousand bricks sitting on it.I know i have to let him go ,but it is so very hard.
Just please remember you are not alone in any of this anymore. It took me many many months of meetings and reading to be able to turn my son over to his higher power. I know you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders right now, i know that feeling oh so well. Let your higher power hold that weight for just a while until you are ready to take it back. That was actually a prayer I said several times a day early in my recovery " please god take these feelings and replace them with peace and love until i am strong enough to deal with it" sometimes I had to say it over and over again until I could feel the weight being lifted and a sense of peace replacing it in my heart. God Bless and please keep coming back ! Blessings
