The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had gone to a face to face alanon meeting last night.
Had a horrible experience there.
I was five minutes early and walked into the room. There, I realized that although the secretary was there, the literature had not been put out yet. I wasn't sure if there was going to be a meeting, so I said, "Excuse me, is there a meeting tonight?"
She replied, tersely, "Six o clock."
okay.
I go, "I only asked cause the literature isn't out and was making sure."
She snaps at me, "SIX O CLOCK". and then storms out of the room with her friend.
I was devastated; I had been there before and knew the people and they knew me.
When the rest of the members arrived, I tried to get a reality check. I go, "Is there a rule about being here early and asking the secretary a question? I feel like I bothered her and made her mad."
Several of them looked very uncomfortable and said, "There's no rule, Carol." They sounded irritated.
I immediately turned into the frightened six-year-old girl, scared to death of her mother. When I made her angry, she used to threaten to kill me or send me away.
The feelings of being bad again and unwanted came over me and I fled the room.
I want to reiterate how so important it is for people to try to be friendlier and more loving at meetings. It is not a social chat place and I never meant to make anyone mad!
(((Carol Lynn))) I am so sorry for your reception at your meeting last night. Are all your meetings like that one? There could have been circumstances going on that you knew nothing about and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. We are, after all, human and can have bad "moments". But, what a bad place to act badly. If it was a one time deal, I guess I would try again. Or, is there another face to face meeting that you could attend? Maybe it's the wrong group for you. Our meetings are a 360 from yours. I always look forward to them and feel refreshed when I leave. When I first started going to Alanon, I didn't "fit" in the group and left after about 6 months. I love this new group (in a different town). Peace to you Carol Lynn. There is a group out there that will "fit" for you, you just have to find it.
I too have felt uncomfortable at meetings but have realized that we are ALL there because we are TRYING to recover from this deadly disease.
The Traditions keep the rooms safe once the meetings have started. If someone is in crisis and unable to connect before hand I just hang around and wait for the meeting. I need the meeting , the tools, the sanity and do not need the social!!!
Please keep going and just take care of you.
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 20th of August 2010 06:40:57 PM
Too bad the people that run the meeting dont have a little more compassion, but thats not your problem.
Perhaps you are being a tad over sensitive. One of the things you may want to work on is not letting anyone intimidate you. I think theres a lesson in it for you. You already said and knew you were 5 minutes early. You sounded like you were apologizing for being there. While you have a right to be there or anywhere else you choose.
I know how you feel but most of the time people don't know that I feel that way, and sometimes it is obvious when I break out crying.....
It's like a panic attack or something when I feel like I get my feeling hurt and then I try to do or say something to double check that I wasn't being too sensitive and then it gets worse ....
All I know is my HP loves me, I have no bad intentions and I am NOT trying to be a drama queen, so I try to be nice to my six year old inside and encourage her while encourageing myself to "stay in my adult self" in public.
I try to walk it off sometimes and fake it till I make it with the adult behavior. But yes I can identify with your feelings. I think mine may come from some really bad experiences but I'm not sure.
I know in the few groups I have been to, sometimes it is said that no one comes early to help open up the meeting, ie. getting out the literature, opening windows, getting a snack together etc. So I now try to help if I am there early. maybe that person was feeling like she has to do EVERYTHING and was feeling resentful? who knows. I know how you feel, and you did nothing wrong. I just had to face my worst fear last week which was flying in an airplane. After I did it, I felt like a million bucks!
I'm sorry you had a bad experience. I have experienced a similar situation at the only meeting that is available for me to attend. I try to remember that everyone has bad days. Even though I can not say I am ever truly happy going to that particular meeting as I am writing this I wonder if maybe that is all the more reason to go and be of service to the next scared, hurting person who walks in if the others are not in that place right now. Small gestures of being civil can go a long way
Aloha Carol L...I've seen that before also however was alerted early in program that we were all crazy people trying to help each other get sane. It fit!! In time I've learned the meaning of "Principles over Personalities". When principles are in place an Al-Anon meeting is the best place to be however when personalities are raging things can and will get weird...forgivable and still weird. The share which mentions that very most likely it has nothing to do with you is correct...something else is happening and like what happens with the alcoholic you were within range. What works for me is to inventory what I did and how I did it to make sure my side of the street is clean. If I find truthfully that I have got something to apologize for I do. I won't walk on eggshells anymore and I won't leave my recovey so that will tell you that at times I'm the one that will get weird. I can correct that. Al-Anon is a "We" thing and an "Us" thing and that means sometimes we're not all on the same page. Time to practice Let go and Let God (for me) In support (((((hugs)))))
I am sorry you were annoyed by the group secretary, but when you answered, "I only asked because..." you are defending yourself, which is a position you NEVER want to put yourself in. Better you should have said, "Oh. I am early. Is there anything I can do to help you?" Mentioning the conversation once the meeting started would be viewed by some as combative. Forget it. It is not worth remembering.
Try to keep in mind that people are hurting, miserable, and sometimes take their anger and frustration out on others. Or she may simply be an unpleasant person. In either case, it doesn't matter.
Perhaps you can find another group with which you will feel more at ease and accepted. Look around.
Best wishes,
Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
