The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have depression and am also a spouse of an of alcoholic. My DH has been sober 5 months now and I am more depressed, confused, and worried than before even though he has made some very healthy changes in his life. Anyone else have this experience?
I find it hard to focus on myself ... Have to admit I do more reading of his books than Al-Anon these days.
Someone said sometimes people have to take a break from AlAnon to pursue other things like therapy -- but are there people who do BOTH? How do I stay active in AlAnon without bringing my other issues to the table? When I am depressed I can be a real downer. I was depressed before his drinking became obsessive so I know this is not something that will "go away".
There's nothing wrong with therapy along with Alanon; also suggest you get to a doctor. I personally get no kicks from reading AA material because I need to save the energy to work on myself. :) We can't work their program for them.
Glad your husband is sober. After obsessing about the alcoholic and trying to fix them, all of a sudden they are stronger and getting better, the dynamics of the relationship has changed. We dont know who or what to be...this is good. It means theres a change coming. In order for change to come about it has to come out for us to face and we get to work on ourself.
Keep coming back, seek out all the support you need. I wish you well on your journey to recovery.
Hi I have other issues. I use the 12 steps to help with them. I have ME/CFS which can involve getting very down and negative. I went to mental health counsellors at the same time as going to Alanon. The Mental health people found it very interesting actually lol. I think I taught them something about alcoholism....
If you were diabetic you wouldn't stop going to a diabetic clinic just because you are going to Alanon??? Depression is just as difficult a condition to manage. It may take some drugs, exercise and Talking therapy....or you might find eventaully that Alanon helps alongside just one of those options. That depends on you.
Alanon is about learning how to self care. To take the focus off the alcoholic so that we can get well. You're not going to Alanon to keep him sober. We have no control over that what so ever.... It can take time and patience to be able to allow yourself to self care. His sobriety is HIS responsibility. Our mental health is ours.
Good luck with it. It can be quite scary taking responsibility for ourselves for the first time in possibly years. I felt quite guilty admitting I needed some care and attention at the beginning. You might find you begin to use your meetings to help with that x Mon
this is just my opinion taking abreak from Al-Anon is not an option for me , I owe this program so much to leave would be insanity on my part.. this program has improved every facet of my life , all relationships all my insecurities all my fears . there is nothing wrong with seeking out side help for depression , counceing and our prog work great together. Sobriety ??? your sobriety or your husbands . his sobriety is his business not your job .. reading AA literature is fine but it is still after all about HIM.. and quite frankly I was sick of trying to figure him out. Stick to Al-Anon and a councelor if u feel u need one and get the focus on you and your needs where they will do the most good . AA will take care of him let Al-Anon take care of you.
Al-Anon, for me, seems to stand as a great base for me to work with the rest of my issues going on in my life. I really appreciate the program because I tend to try to find ways to apply it in "all of my affairs".
That said, I wouldn't throw one-on-one therapy to the curb just because I was in Al-Anon. I might try to find a counselor who understands the basis of Al-Anon twelve-step work and wouldn't make suggestions to me that may be contradictory to it. (A long time ago, I was seeing a counselor in the beginnings of my personal recovery who kept diverting my attention away from myself and kept telling me I had a responsibility to MAKE my AH see my point of view... jeez what a mess! I'm glad I stopped seeing the guy!)
In fact, I'm still toying with the idea in my head to get a counselor to work with because I know I have a lot of things going on in my head that could possibly use a little more pin-point focus. Like my self-esteem, for one.
I benefit from using both resources at the same time. I highly suggest finding a therapist who understands Alanon and 12 step recovery work. Together therapy and the steps are a tremendous force of healing and growth for me.
It is nothing wrong to seek some professional non-alanon related help. I was depressed when I dated my A then, broke up with him made my depression comes back and I also had suicide thoughts (only thoughts, no action). But it was alarming enough I went back to my ante-depressant. At the moment, I am working with my psychologist and also alanon meetings as well.
For my experience, I would rather dealing with my A's problems so I don't need to fix mine. Then, when the relationship was over, I had no choice but focus on myself: love myself and accept myself the way I am. There would be ups and downs but eventually, if you hang on there, you will have more ups than downs.
It is great that your A is sober now. My ex A is still in denial, probably a dry drinker at the moment. I don't know and I try not to care.
Aloha membee...it use to be often that looking at my life without the distractions from my alcoholic wife and others made me depressed also. I had set my life aside many times to be on hand to manage others including the alcoholics. I had accomplished nothing for myself and that depressed me. I once heard a joke at my home group about an Al-Anon member who was in a fatal accident and just before they died the life of their alcoholic flashed before their eyes. lol now but then? wasn't funny at all...too true for me then. I have an organic type of depression called dysthymia which is long lasting and low grade. It tends to be fatal in later years and now in my later years I am not much worried as the program and helped me to live as full as I can inspite of the depression. Living within the boundaries of the program has been good for me. I'm not on meds often and rarely does it completely supress my life and happiness. Al-Anon is a spiritual program which has helped me heal.
By the way just a side note. Al-Anon Family Groups are considered "social model therapy".
I attend Alanon and do private therapy as well. In my experience with life long depression, panic attacks, PTSD and general anxiety, I have found Alanon to be the most helpful thing for my mental state. Don't get me wrong, I spend many days fighting my depression. But I have found the tools with Alanon to make it through the day. I read my literature, go on here or the alanon website to get some help. My private therapy I feel is almost not needed as I do all my own work and self-care. I do have times of worry, depression as I said, panic attacks for no reason and what not, but I am better able to get through now than ever before. I hope you have a face to face meeting you can try... take care!
