The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Some may know my story: AH recently off long-term use of clonazepam. He has mostly good days, but bad days are pretty bad with a lot of paranoia, etc. I am trying to make our marriage work, telling myself that things will get better with time (??). Because of his bad experience with being on prescription drugs (he feels he lost ten years of his life to the "fog" these drugs put him in), he has become over-reactive to ANYTHING to do with drugs. He knows I have an active prescription for clonazepam (I use it about 3-4 times/year) and trimebutine ( I use this daily. It's for irritable bowel). He is ADAMANT that I get off ALL prescription drugs. He insists that my regular use of trimebutine is actually an addiction. And if I don't think it is, then I should prove it to him by quitting it! This makes me absolutely furious! Our conversations about this get absolutely ridiculous. After awhile I get angry and then he tells me it's the addiction talking. I know he is still in recovery and needs time to "level out" his extreme opinions/thoughts...but in the meantime how could I handle this?! I feel like I need to sneak my medication and I am worried he might actually take it...but if I hide it I will be buying into his craziness. He drank the other day and was trying to have a serious conversation with me. I told him I preferred to talk to him when he was sober. He said "I am more sober than you are right now" (referring to the fact I take trimebutine!). I am allowing this to drive me crazy, but I am not sure how to handle it. Any suggestions?!
Certainly, I am no relationship expert; however, it does not make sense for you to sneak medications prescribed by your doctor to treat your medical conditions. If he were thinking clearly, he would not want you to stop the trimebutine and become sick.
From an alanon perspective, he seems to be 'on your side of the street' rather than on his side, working his program. He is using this as an excuse for him to be active.
You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it.
Personally, I'd refuse to discuss it with him and walk away. If I said anything it would be a strong suggestion that he focus on himself and his own addictions. You both have a higher power, and he's not yours.
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Their defense mechanism is to turn the addiction thing over on you... it takes the attention off them. If you were prescribed a medication for a medical condition, I say take your pills as prescribed. If he is worried about addiction, he should be worrying about his. If I was in your situation, I would mention that you both need to work your own individual program. Recovery is the answer. Peace to you.
I got a little confused ... he is in recovery but drank the other day? In my experience with my xah it did not matter what substance he was using liquid, solid, perscription or street the result was the same alcoholic attitudes and behaviors. Like blaming everyone else and knowing how to run my life at the same time he was not able to keep his own in managable shape. My second thought is that if his life is being affected by someone else's use of a substance that he believes is an addiction then he could probably benefit from his own Alanon program to learn how "mind my own business", "live and let live" and "let go and let HP" works. I have no advice but I offer the support that you have every right to saying No to discussing this any further with him, it is your business. Sending wishes of peace and serenity to you!
A little story, this happened Friday evening, my husband and I went to bed as usual and I asked please could you close the curtains? I was very very tired, he has been closing the curtains now for 30 years, and he asked me why? I said because you always do? he said but why? I said why are you asking me why? he said I can sleep with them open can you explain why you need them shut? I left the room and slept else where I didn't want the argument, when I left the room silently he came into my room and said I closed them now you can come back arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, The next day I was beyond angry with myself, for allowing myself to buy into the insanity, I sometimes forget it's acholism not waserm!
Jennifer, I agree what I said makes no sense. Since he came off clonazepam, he insists he was never an alcoholic (even though he was an admitted alcoholic for the past 5 years). He has started drinking again. It started off reasonable (normal, two or three beers), but it is steadily progressing towards the old habits of hard stuff, drinking too much, etc. I find the drinking terrifying, b/c it will inevitably progress back (and worse) than what it was before and here I find myself in the smae situation once again. I have got to get a grip on the Al-Anon practices. We separated for 2 months and I regret getting back together...but I always want to keep hopeful for the children. I don't regret the fact (getting back together) b/c I do love him still, but I do regret the fact b/c nothing has really changed.
Oh, I do remember that from another of your posts now. Nothing clicked easy for me yesterday, hoping that today will be MUCH better
Situations like these are really hard. I have a few people in my life who sometimes do not care for the decisions I make for myself. I struggle with how to carry out my decisions, whether or not I need to explain my reasons and the occasional judgement from someone I care about ... for the most part I have found that after considering options, making my decision if anyone (who's opinion I value) has a huge problem with it I will explain my reasoning once, listen to thiers which may or may not influence my decision and then it is done. It has to be a flexible boundary for myself to not fall into that old trap of mine of trying to do everything right for others. Carrying out that boundary with a person who is gnawing at it like an old bone though is something I am still trying to figure out. Even after repeated requests for no contact from my xah, he ignores my request and continues. I still believe in the right to say No to justifying a decision or anything else but have no idea how to get another person to give it up. Keeping you and yours in my prayers.
