The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am a big believer in the part of our recovery requiring some gentle reflection and self-awareness (always being careful not to let it turn into self-mutilation, lol).... I stumbled across some notes from a wonderful exercise that I participated in a week-long self awareness course from several years ago, and thought I would offer it to others.....
We had homework one evening, and were asked to write down one-word answers to the following four questions:
1. What keeps me away from people? 2. What keeps people away from me? 3. What will get in the way of my recovery? 4. What will prevent me from being spiritual? (spiritual = relationships with self)
I went home and dutifully did my homework, coming up with 13 answers (i.e. pride, doubt, fear, arrogance, etc). Now, in our group setting, this particular exercise was actually designed to help us discover those blocks that we cannot see in ourselves, so we shared our answers with a small group, and then they told us two other traits that they saw in us, that we could not see for ourselves!! (talk about an exercise in trust and disclosure!). I'm sure this exercise would be more valuable if given by a professional, but I thought these were pretty stimulating questions, for those of you out there who are trying to "figure out who you are".....
Hope it helps
Tom
p.s. my small group actually gave me four additional traits that I had not listed: Control, Analyzer, Self-Pity, and Humility (lack of). Oh and, by the way - they were 100% on target and right on all four!! As we all are, I am definitely a "work in progress"....
T
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I think for me the issue is the "right People". I could spend my entire life doing for others and not knowing that I was digging my own grave. For al anoners it is not so much about being with people, its about being with the right people.
Boundaries are something I had no idea about until recently.
I do love anything that supports my journey inward. Sometimes it is so hard to see what I am doing to self sabatoge my own journey
Questions MY One word Answer
1. What keeps me away from people? FEAR 2. What keeps people away from me? Confrontational 3. What will get in the way of my recovery? Indifference 4. What will prevent me from being spiritual? Lazy
Now I know we have never seen each other but maybe someone/ anyone has picked up something from my attitude on my postings so that they can do as your team did and suggest other traits that I might not see.
I am open to this informative lesson.
In the interest of group harmony I am open to suggestions
In fact I will go first. I know I could point out 20 positive aspects that I see in Tom, but the exercise asks for blocks in the person that might hinder their recovery.
So after much thought I have found one trait for Tom that may block his efforts. In the interest of placing principles about personalities I have PM the word to him I do not want to cause unrest on the board.
So I read them, made sure not to read ahead, and answered with the first honest thing that popped into my head.
1. Fear 2. Fear 3. Fear 4. Fear
Hmmmmm. Seems I have a theme going here.
My issue is that my fear only seems to come out as one thing . . . anger. Not confrontational anger, but quiet - seething - stuffed anger. My response is always what my Dad used to say over and over anytime there was unpleasantness. "I just don't have time for this in my life." And I walk away.
Leads to a LOT of alone time .
Not fun! But working on it.
Tricia
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
What a great post... I need this sort of STEP BY STEP keep it REALLLY SIMPLE stuff to get to understand all ofthe things I am remembering. Becasue I literally FORGOT (shoved away) my past...I am taking it as it comes. So this crosses my path...must be here to help me. This kind if thinking helps me keep my intention with HP before my own agenda.
1- what keeps me away from people? TRUST, DEPRESSION, FEAR, SELF CENTERED THINKING, EGO, EXHAUSTION - (fear) 2- What keeps people away from me? MOODINESS, CONFLICT - (fear) 3- What will get in the way of my recovery FEAR (ego, lack of trust, ME). Only I CAN get in the way of MY recovery. If i ever blame someone else...you just straighten me out lol. 4- What will prevent me from being spiritual: lack of trust, lack of faith, self-absorbed thinking, FEAR makes me blind to God's love. That's the bottom line.
All of it is fear...I see that. But I am so new at this...I need to identify the elements of my fear.
I remember when I was in AA i had this great sponsor who told me repeatedly..."You can't be a victim of something you are aware of".
So now...it's all about TRUTH. I want MY truth. Not the truths other people have told me I shoudl jhave...MY OWN.
Ha! I answered "fear" to all four - but then I've been recognizing that in myeslf for quite some time. I seem to be afraid of just about everything at times!
My sponsor and I were joking about our fears and how we can turn just about any situation into a life-threatening catastrophe.
Example...
I can't get along with this guy at work. My supervisor's not going to deal with my conflict anymore and is going to fire me. I can't find another job. I can't find a place to live. I can't afford to feed myself any more. I'm homeless and I'm gonna DIE!
Really, when I get down to it, that's how a lot of the scenarios can go in my head when I try to ask "why" when I think of my being afraid. When I keep asking why to my answers on fear, the ending result can boil all the way down to my untimely death.
It's pretty preposterous! I've got quite an imagination!
.