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Hi. I'm back. I posted on here once before about a month ago. My son had come home so drunk I almost took him to the hospital, but didn't. Rather I watched him for hours to make sure he'd be ok in the morning.
He started work, a good hard working job, with his cousin who is trying to start his own concrete business. My son had been really good, even on most weekends cause he was too tired from work to even go out and party. But I knew it wouldn't last. I hoped he'd change and realize to succeed that he couldn't continue to drink himself to death on weekends. I wanted him to save his strength for the work week...keep his mind clear and focus.
Last night I got a call from my son, he actually had his friend's girlfriend call me at 2:15 and wanted me to come and get him. The gf was "taking care of" both my son and her bf because they both drank too much and were puking outside the friend's house. She said my son asked her to call me to come get him...and of course I did...but I was so disappointed that he had gone and OVERdrank AGAIN. I brought a bucket so he wouldn't puke in my car...he didnt', but he was in front of the toilet for a while last night and only threw up once more before he finally past out on his bed.
Honestly, I am afraid. He told me that last time he went up north with his dad's side fo the family (the alcoholic family) that he drank so much that his cousin (who is only 16) had to roll him on his front because he started throwing up and choking on it. He may not have survived had she not been there to do that...but she is also a drinker at her young age. They are the ones who started my son on drinking at a very young age. I never knew until about a year ago that the first time he got drunk was with his dad's side of the family up-north. I wasn't blind that he was doing a little drinking earlier in his teens but I never thought he was drinking at age 13. He used to tell me how his older cousin who got married (I gotta believe she was 21 or younger) got soooo drunk at her wedding...and he thought it was so funny! It was like he was idolizing the people that were getting drunk!
I don't know. He just woke up about 10 mins ago and never seems to be sick from the hellish night he creates for himself from the alcohol.
Is it possible, I don't know, to NOT have a hangover? He's up and walking around and talking to me like nothing happened! He doesn't go right for the aspirin or anything...it's like any other day...as if he just got a good nights sleep and wasn't up puking and stumbling and making me lose more days off my life with worry!
This has to stop. Bad things happen when people drink and I'm afraid one day someone won't be there for him to help him find his way home...or they won't see him choking on his vomit and he'll die from it. I know I can't prevent what happens when my son chooses to live this crazy life of drinking, and I will have to just live with whatever outcome happens...but I don't know if I'll be strong enough for anything.
I'm really just venting here...and don't need anyone to answer this, but of course anyone is welcome to respond.
Then my son wonders why I am so anxious whenever he tells me he's "going out" with his friends...or meeting up with them. The wrong friends...and the wrong choice for my son. He's a bright young man and has a future if he so choooses to do so.
I'm glad you came back to share an update and to vent. I know you said you didn't expect any replies, but I wanted to let you know you're not alone. I read through your original post and responses from back in July and see that you got some terrific ESH from other members. In my own situation, where my husband was addicted to alcohol, it took me many months to realize I was powerless over his choices, and while I loved him without hesitation, the best way I could live him was to stop running interference on the consequences of his choices (illness, DUI, injury etc.) Why? My efforts will not get another sober. It was also making me very sick and stressed. I hope you will attend the online meetings here, or go to F2F meetings so you can strengthen yourself to deal with this even better than you are now.
I guess I do have a question though. Why does my son seem to never have a hangover? I swear he does not take any aspirin the next day and totally seems normal when he wakes up as if he never had a drink the night before. What's going on here? I figure he'd suffer enough with being sick that he'd not relish the idea and think twice before playing beer pong for 6 hours and end up so sick that he can't even walk and ends up throwing up everywhere only for someone else to have to clean up the mess!!!
He told me once, "Mom, I don't GET hangovers..." Is that possible? Because it seems he is telling the truth by the way he popped out of bed, got on the phone, was laughing with a friend...and then watched some tv...got on the computer and then went to his bank to deposit his work check...hung out with a friend and then went swimming later. No problems at all...not even a HINT of being tired and wiped out from vomiting and over drinking. I'm totally stumped!! And a little afraid at the same time about WHY?
About your question re: hangovers - I have a question for you. Does your son have visible withdrawal symptoms, like shakes or pronounced anxiety?
Aside from that, he could be lying about not being hungover, or, he could be drinking his way through the hangover.
Like Rocky said, you are definitely not alone. I've been through the same with my AH. I tried EVERYTHING to get him sober - I really thought I could do it. All I managed to do was drive myself insane :)
I hope you'll keep coming back, as well as try to get to a face to face meeting.
Well, no, my son does not have visible withdrawal symtoms at all. No anxiety from lack of alcohol or anything like that. All I know is that when he goes out to drink it's a lot. Maybe like "binge drinking?" That is, from what I've learned, I guess something a lot of the college students do and there is always a high risk of alcohol poisoning when they do this. I am not sure why they don't know when to stop. I saw a program on this binge drinking and the people who they interviewed who had to learn the hard way, the claim that they do not think they are getting drunk until they suddenly black out or something. I told my son last night that he's going to kill himself if he can't learn how to stop when he's had enough. He sounded like he agreed...but I doubt he'll remember it and next time he goes out all his friends will convince him to have more, have more, have more, and my son will listen because he wants so bad for everyone to like him and be accepted. Doesn't matter that these "friends" could care less about him. If he ends up in a coma or almost dead...those "friends" won't be anywhere around.
When I try to tell my son that he should just stay in OR rather if he goes out to be home early at at decent time...he just gets mad at me like I'm a nut case!
I will be trying to get on the on line meetings and I will eventualy check out the meetings where they are held here in my town. I think I know where they are...but I will have to muster up the courage to go. I don't even want to believe my son has a problem and maybe it's just a phase of drinking that will pass. ? I just remember that when I was a teen, yes, I drank, but not nearly as much as or as often as my son is doing. I over drank a couple times when I was a teen, but I learned my lesson shortly after. I really hated the sick feeling and decided to try to stop drinking when I really felt that I had enough...even before that. But who knows. With the way my son has been introduced to alcohol from his moron dad's side of the family...I am sick to think that he definitely is on his way to being labeled an alcoholic unless by a miracle he can gain complete control of it NOW while he's still young.
Well, not all kids that binge drink become alcoholics. Unfortunately, that's the way a lot of teenagers drink - it's not social drinking, they binge drink. Hopefully this is something that will just pass without any lasting repurcussions.
Aloha Christie...just a suggestion? Call the AA Central hotline number and as if the have a Young Peoples in AA group locally and if they do ask them if a member or members would be willing to come out and talk with your son. That is your treating yourself right because you are completely powerless over his drinking and any justification and plan he has to continue. If they don't have people who will help? Ask AA if they will send over someone to talk with him. Don't be afraid of the reactions. Don't permit yourself to be held hostage to this disease. In support of your courage to do the next right thing for yourself.
(((((hugs)))))....going to face to face Al-Anon meetings? Call them for a meeting schedule also and then go.
Glad you came here to vent. A lot of us can certainly relate to what you are going thru. Trying to control teenagers at least in my experince is like trying to control a tornado. They learn quickly how to get what they want. I am concerned for your son. My son is an addict, he started in his teen years and hid it pretty well or we just weren't looking for it. By the time he was a full blown addict there wasn't much we could do for him, such as getting him into rehab etc. Had I seen it sooner and had I found alanon sooner I would have been dragging his butt to AA meetings... hoping he would hear what he needed to in order to turn his life around. Your son was very blessed his friends g/f was watching out for him that night. We lost a very good friend to this disease when his buddies just dropped him face up on the bed before they passed out themselves. Our friend aspirated on his own vomit and was dead by morning. That was a personal wake up call for me as I was young and enjoyed a drink or three now and then. I think thats when my husband and I "grew up" so to speak...we hadn't had kids yet so were still sowing our wild oats. You and your son are both in my prayers Blessings
I think it is hard to be the mom in the situation. That said, I have learned that letting go and letting God (your Higher power) is really the only way to go. I hope you find the courage to attend a face to face meeting and find out about Alanon :) The Alanon website has tons of information on it too. Take care of you!
