The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My 29 year old son has been sober for a couple of weeks and looking for a job. He rents our garage apartment that belongs to my husband, his step-dad. Rent was due on the first and he does not have it but my ex needed some help today cutting up a downed tree which gave him the opportunity to work off some of the rent. My son's ex-girlfriend picked him up after his AA meeting last night and this morning when it was time for the guys to get to work, my son showed up so messed up he could barely walk. I told him to just go home. Here's my question .... if the rent does not get paid or worked off, how do I put him out. He has no place to go and it breaks my heart to think he could be living under a bridge. He text messaged me and tried to engage in conversation and I just told him we would talk later.
I wish I could tell you what to do, but I can only offer my ESH. The best I can offer is that when I was uncertain, and I didn't know what to do, I didn't do anything but pause. What I mean by that is that when I felt myself frantically thinking through options, seeking to move quickly to the solution or the decision, I was about to force a solution that I could not make stick. I found that my best ally was my HP, and if I paused for a few hours, days or even weeks to listen to my HP, the problem was still there when I went back to it, but I went back to it with a more confident response that I knew would stick because it was truly right for me.
I also have a question for you, is it yours to do something about? The way you write of the situation, perhaps your husband has the choice? I don't mean to imply you should abdicate responsibility for a tough choice, but just the way you described it I wondered if it was yours to make?
Hugs, Rocky
-- Edited by Rocky38 on Saturday 7th of August 2010 12:30:15 PM
"We will talk later" is a good response. It is one I had to learn myself and one that worked sooo well helping me to stay away of reacting and getting all messed up in my thoughts and actions. It also is the 3 seconds of time between what triggers me and how I respond where I can let my HP into the situation and ask "what is it here that you see I need to do" and then listen.
This is the alcoholic leaving responsiblilites for solutions up to others again. Living under a bridge would be only one choice for him...going to another AA meeting could be another. Staying away from his ex-girlfriend is another. Finding a recovery sponsor is another. See there are a ton of alternatives. I hope everyone wakes up in the program.
He called and asked me if I could give him a ride to a meeting last night which I did. This afternoon, he was drunk again. I am going to a f2f meeting this week .... that is a promise I made top myself. Somethings have to change and it is going to me .... Thanks for the support.
