The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Now I know I was doing pretty good with not asking my mother to see if she could help my daughter out in her time of need since she is behind on the rent and I also didn`t cave fall the loan business. But last week she was out with friend and don`t you know she twists her ankle and shes on crutches this week and can`t start her new job this week that she was counting on. Today, she recieves an eviction notice! I feel my stomach in knots. I hear her telling me how she should be able to come up with X amount of money by such and such a date but she is behind by 2 months and I don`t see how she is going to make it by Sept !st her rent renewal date will bring it to 3months behind. She has my grandaughters birthday this month, and getting some things for my grandaughter for back to school which she said she doesnt need. I piped up and did a no alanon thing and said she does need some things like shoes and sneakers and a few things for back to school. Please put it on my charge card and pay me back when you can. I know she will ask me again for a loan for the rent. I`am weakening. I can feel it... I know its up to me but I need some support to help pull me up.
There are programs in many communities which will help people with rent (usually one month). Maybe you can point your daughter in that direction. Those agencies will often intercede with the landlord and come up with a plan that works for all. when I didn't step in when the ex A was evicted it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. The repercussions were enormous. Please get a hold of the book offered at the top of the page Getitng them Sober, the author has some sage advice about these types of situations. There is no "wrong" answer in these situations. There is only taking care of yourself, going with your gut and coming up with options.
Sorry you are going thru this I have no answers for you but as the mother of an addict who has finally set boundaries I know how hard it is to follow thru and let them face thier own consequences. I just keep telling myself that if I keep cushioning his fall he will never hit bottom and I will never find my own recovery. UGH it is so hard as a parent not to step in and fix things, I mean thats what we are programmed to do right. And of course it is what our children expect from a parent. It is a difficult situation at best Pray to HP and let him guide you to do the next right thing Blessings
This is where the lessons on tough love came in for me. Google tough love and see what you get. ((((Hugs)))) This is a simple program for complicated people.
