The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, in my (unsuccessful thus far) quest to find a local group that is a good fit for me, I tried another one listed on the area roster this evening.
When I got there, I was informed that the AlAnon group that met there stopped about a year ago, but I was welcome to join this (small) open AA meeting. I hesitated, but figured that since I was there...what the heck.
At first, I had an uncomfortable feeling, then quickly ascertained that I was irrationally telling myself that A's are the LAST group of people I want to see just now. It was indeed irrational, because these were RECOVERING A's, with much to share and much I could learn.
Somewhat surprisingly, they were ALL just as interested in learning from me, as they were well aware that they had put others in their lives thru hell but hadn't ever really heard from an AlAnon person in a meeting format. One guy said my story really resonated with him, because as a recovering A who knows the score...he was now HIMSELF finding his son putting him thru the wringer with his substance abuse, and the ex-A now understood the anger.
Long story short...this was THE most productive and rewarding FTF meeting I've been to. Everyone was open and honest, supportive of each other, and I felt comfortable sharing more in the first 10 minutes of this meeting than I did in all my previous 7-8 AlAnon meetings COMBINED. This really felt "real".
I don't know if this was an unusual experience...but for those who haven't ever been to an open AA meet, and who are having trouble finding or fitting in with their local AlAnon options--you may want to give this a try. I'm certainly glad I did, and will be going back.
One note I regrettably forgot: please note that I was only referring to FTF meetings. I've found a great deal of kindness, insight, and support here thus far, and am quite grateful for it. I pray I find a FTF AlAnon group as generous and sharing.
Aloha xd...Alcoholics are very human, kind, compassionate, courteous and all that other stuff people like in each other especially when they are sober and working a program. They also suffer from shame and guilt by the ton as they are not blind to the destruction the disease with them causes. They handle and make amends and apologies for their part in it as a part of their recovery. When they are drinking and also acting out as the dry drunks is of course the "other" matter. Some open AA meetings are great and some are not so from my experience as a dual member. Lots of recovering alcoholics in my area also hold membership in Al-Anon for obvious reasons. You done good and keep coming back. ((((hugs))))
So glad you found a meeting that you could feel safe at and connect. Breaking the isolation with face to face meetings is important. Please keep looking for al alanon face to face as we can use the insights provided by a man's point of view.!!
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 6th of August 2010 10:03:01 AM
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 6th of August 2010 10:03:51 AM
I love the open AA meetings at my home group. I try to go to one every couple of weeks. Those meetings have had a lot of insight for me. When I got to the program, I felt like I was the only one that was hurting. I felt like the alcoholics in my life caused a ton of problems and pain for other people, and that they all got to do whatever they wanted while I was absorbing all the hurt. I honestly did not understand that the alcoholics in my life were also suffering. The open AA meetings helped me to realize that I was not the only one hurting and that the world did not revolve around me. They also helped me to understand that what I perceived the alcoholics had done TO me was not done TO me at all - the alcoholics had done it to themselves and I had made it all about me.
I'm glad you seem like you have had an equally good experience as I have with open AA meetings! :)
The thing that really hits me is the beginning where it says all you have to do is be honest. That is it. If you can't then you have a problem. All this program requires is rigorous honesty. I believe that working the 12 steps as an A, Al-Anon, CoDA, ACoA - doesn't matter. Rigorous honesty is required for the best outcome.
Pretty great stuff.
tlc
-- Edited by tlcate on Friday 6th of August 2010 12:17:00 PM
__________________
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
I wear 3 hats today. Those of Alanon, AA and my Higher Power.
Believe me when I tell you that a recovering drinker can feel an extordinary amount of the pain they have caused. When someone truely relaizes what they have done to others a lifetime of amends can follow. I am so glad you experienced it first hand.
These programs can bring people to an awareness the average person may never experience. This is part of the gift of recovery.
At one time I was concerned that I might feel superior to drug users. I went to their meeting and shared that I was there to learn and what my concern was. They were more welcoming to me than any meeting I have been to. After the meeting they asked me what I thought the difference was between drugs and alcohol, I answered "the cost"
Funny thing that hotrod mentioned finding a meeting I could "feel safe" at. I understand that you meant emotionally, but as it happens, two of the RA's at last night's meeting had been to an AA meeting the night before...where some cussfights and one actual fistfight had broken out!
As they both had been members for many years and had never seen anything quite like that, I'm not very concerned...at least not concerned enough to bring chains, blades, and a baseball bat along with my AlAnon book. I just thought it funny when you mentioned safety. LOL
Alcoholism is, indeed, a family disease. We are all welcome to sit in on both programs, and it warms my heart when I meet more and more double-winners, and also when I meet more and more Al-Anon members who are willing to brave the "Lions Den" and sit in on an open AA meeting and find out they're completely safe there. ;)
I can tell from my own experience with attending open AA meetings is that with the exception of the battle with the physical allergy of alcohol, I can relate VERY CLOSELY to the things that go on in most alcoholic's minds.
Glad you found some place you feel comfortable. Hope eventually you can locate an Al-Anon meeting you feel comfortable at, too.. you may even keep your ears open for any AA members who may make mention in passing about being a double-winner and ask them what Al-Anon meetings they like to attend.
Thanks for your share. Reminds me it's been far too long since my last open AA meeting and I should make an effort to drop in on one soon.