The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Still feel a little bothered that "God" (I do believe in "a" God....just not sure what he's going to do for me, or how, if anything) hasn't been much help to me at many times in my life. So I dont' have this faith in a power greater than myself that can restore my to sanity.
But some comments from all you have given me a thought, and therefore some type of higher power that I can believe will do me good: the idea that meetings, and therapy can be that higher power for now. I do believe that both of those things could restore my to sanity (good luck...). Maybe this will help me.
"Of your understanding" means you get to choose. Sound like good choices to me.
For me it was hard to put into words. It was "everything", 'life", "nature" . . .
This world is bigger than me and runs on a cycle of it's own. People have been doing what they are doing and being happy and unhappy, alcoholics on and on for many centuries. I am but a blip. I give things over to that.
I struggled with the "God" thing until I let that go too. I could choose for the topic to be a hurdle in my recovery or "become willing" and move on and do the work of cleaning house. As I completed the steps and continue to study them - the grace, the unseen miracles, the weird coincidences, the hope, the love, that unseen presence watching over me that I just can't attribute to "luck" - they are all there. I accept them. I see them. I am so very grateful for them. If it is "God", great. If not, that is ok too. But I believe in THOSE things because I experience them. I always have, but it seems 1000 times more since being in recovery.
I don't have answers and never will. But I have those wonderful things growing in my heart and they are as beautiful to me as any diety.
Good luck!
Tricia
__________________
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
You obviously love your daughter very much. Imagine a God feeling as much for you...... yet, it pales in comparison to what the One who owns the whole universe can do...
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I also really struggled with the HP concept. When I came to alanon, I did not believe in a God, had a scientific rationale for why others did, and let it go at that. Yet, I also really wanted to work the steps. How could I if I didn't believe? That's where newly learned humility came into play. I realized many around me DID believe in a HP. Are they all wrong? Am I just stubborn and narrow minded? I decided to at least be open to it. Believe it or not, I came to a full, complete and honest belief in a HP. Woo Hoo. My recovery made leaps and bounds after that. I think all we can do is stay open to it and embrace it when we feel it.
