The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My son who is 25 has had issues with alcohol since late high school. He doesn't seem to know when to stop and keeps getting into trouble. The last incident was an accident where he fell on concrete and had to have 6 hours of reconstructive surgery on his face. He is back living with me now and has to pay me back for all the medical bills from the last situation.
I need help to know what I need to do to not be an enabler to him. I find this very hard. I only want what is best for him but if I keep helping he may not get any better. Does anyone have any experience or suggestions regarding my situation?
Aloha Renee...there is a wealth of experience strength and hope in the prior post from the membership including many relating to alcoholic sons and daughters.
I'm glad you found MIP and this fellowship. Let me be the first to suggest that you look in the white pages of your local telephone book for the hotline number for Al-Anon and call that number to get the places and times we meet in face to face meetings in your area and then...get there as soon as you can. When you get there get as much literature as you can on the disease of alcoholism and read it all. Get as much awareness about the disease and your part in it and listen to the sharing inside of the rooms of Al-Anon. Keep and open mind and get into living one day at a time to start with.
At home you're gonna want to set up boundaries that have to be kept without going to war and yet will be inforceable. It they are not inforceable they are are real boundaries. I pass now so more of the fellowship can come up with their ESH and support. In support (((((hugs)))))
Hello and welcome , along time ago I heard a woman say that she was having a conversation with her adult son who had just spent afew days in jail on his last drunk , she and her husb had been in recovery for along time . her son said mom do u really think I am an alcoholic ?? she looked at him and said well son , how many times have u ended up in jail * Sober * ?? he was upset and could not answer her so he left -- a few months later he too joined his dad in AA . I hope u will find our program in your community u need support and it will be found in the rooms of Al-Anon .
I have to agree with Jerry, get yourself to a face to face meeting and keep going back, you will be blessed beyond belief.
I too have a son who is fighting his addiction to alcohol and drugs. I learned that the first thing I had to do was learn detachment. Not amputation, but detachment...there is a huge difference. It is perfectly ok to love an alocholic, I would be one lonely person if I didn't, that is why we detach with love. We remove ourselves from the consequences of their disease. I love my son but his disease is his not mine and I had to set boundaries and enforce them if they were broken. There comes a time in our lives when "One more time and I'm going to..." doesn't work.
When I heard that you will never hear an AA speaker say "I was saved by my momma" I knew I had to let go and give him to my higher power to take care of.
Keep coming back and remember you are never alone. You have reached out to the wonderful family of Al-Anon and we like no other understand your pain because we have experienced it.
((((HUGS))))
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
