The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Considering the idea that I wouldn't be any more happy or satisfied if I met my goals and dreams. Maybe they wouldn't be good enough once I had them. That's definately something I could believe about myself. I do need to appreciate what's around me and what I do have and can do now.
That's something I'm really trying to learn too. I have a friend who says, "Since you have a job doing [what I do] and [other life circumstances], do you feel totally fulfilled now?" She means it; she thinks that if she only had my job and my circumstances she'd have total fulfillment. I mean, my job's fine, but it sure doesn't bring total fulfillment. But I know that there are some things she has that I imagine would bring me total fulfillment. It's hard to get my mind around the fact that some things are great to have, but they don't fix your life. I keep imagining that if only I had X and Y, my life would be fixed. Of course I need to get out of my own way, but even if I get all the external conditions perfect, that doesn't fix the internal, does it? I'm working on truly "getting" this!
Whenever I start the "what if" game, I think of a saying; "Live like heaven begins tomorrow." That puts things in perspective for me. Yesterday is gone, nobody knows what will happen tomorrow, but today.... the possibilities are endless... The only true contentment and happiness I have found is to be at peace with myself. No amount of money or "things" are going to get me fulfillment. I have to find it within myself and alanon is helping to achieve serenity and peace. I hope you can find it too.
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
So true for me as well. One of the harder lessons I've learned is that I was sometimes guilty of missing the joy and peace that was right under my nose. The small things like a smile, a warm touch, a funny interaction. Life was moving so fast and I easily became focused on solving the problems, I forgot to experience the joy. I spent the weekend with my grandson and he can give me one look or a hug that is completely trusting and safe, and I'm in heaven.
Aloha mj...here is an Alateenism given to me for nothing with unconditional love and works like crazy..."Happiness is an inside job". Chew on that one for a while and then discuss it. ((((hugs))))
I need to work on what makes me happy. Perhaps another post would do....I'm just mildly irritated with the thinking that goes something like this: That I'm making myself unhappy by dwelling on the negative, so you need to be more positive. May be true but isn't this a catch 22? It's the negative that makes it hard to be positive...and the negatives are real...would that I was mistaken and the negatives in my life didn't exist.....then I could be positive very easily. But, they do exist and I'm unable to pretend that they don't. I can't ignore the anchor that is around my neck...it exists....I can try not to focus on it but it's there.
That Anchor is so true, of course it is me that keeps hanging on to it rather than casting off and letting go!
Slowly through AL Anon and prayer I am beginning to see just how damaged I am, how I have over the years of living with an Alcoholic feel that this is my place - that somehow happiness is for others, but I must stay anchored to the same spot.
Slowly I am seeing that the Alcoholic in my life is not my problem, it is my thinking and perhaps arrogance that I can make a difference that is causing me to hold onto the anchor - it hurts but it feels safe. That has over the years led me to believe that I don't deserve the love and care that we all need, slowly, one day at a time my friends in al -anon and with the help of prayer my HP is showing me that it doesn't need to be like this. I just have to let go and let GOD and I am filled with gratitude every time I have the courage to do this.
I will not pretend I find it easy - changing my thinking isn't, but I do understand if I don't take responsibility for what is mine and that includes my own happiness then things will never get better,
I was just listening to some music as I feel very low today, the words of Bette Midler in the Rose were so appropriate
"When the night has been too lonely and the night has been too long and you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows lies the seed that with the sun's love in the spring becomes the rose"
Great awareness which for me was absolutely necessary for change. Good job! Good honesty.
As for the negative being real - are there no real positives? The thing for me was that focusing on the positive - just practicing - a little more at a time made the answers and the drive to resolve the negatives easier to obtain. At first it was just trying to smile about one thing a day. I was so unhappy, so weighed down by my sadness it started with "I am glad to have this cup of coffee" - smile. The next day I would try two things. And the next three. And if there was a day that I just couldn't pull myself out for even a second, that was ok. I understood, was gentle with myself and tried again the next day. If I am mired down in negatives I have no drive to do better, to change myself. But grabbing onto the positive and finding things that truly make me happy propel me to change - make me lighter and more powerful.
It is like going to the gym. I have struggled with that and had a year membership that was pretty much unused. Recently I started going - that first push was the hardest - but once you start down that path it becomes easier. I had to have a serious talk with myself. I don't walk into the gym the first time at the same level as those that go everyday. That is ok. I love the saying in AA - you don't walk through the doors on the wings of victory. But with work, I eventually WANT to do it and don't have to push myself to do it. A little more each day. The first gym visit was 10 mins and it almost killed me. I am very out of shape. Now I am up to 30 mins and I feel so much better.
Many of my problems are caused by my thinking. Thank goodness I have folks in the program to help me straighten it out! I truly, 100% believe that happiness is a choice. But it also takes practice and I had to start small.
I am really enjoying your shares. They are thought provoking and I can feel the wheels turning over there. It is inspiring. Please keep coming back.
Tricia
__________________
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
