The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A adult son got into the recovery house for 30 intense training days. I want to be hopeful..but reading on here seems they usually start back drinking. I have felt such a weight lifted off me while he is there. I could really get used to this...then reality sets in with him back with no job and on and on and on. Part of it is after he gets out they want him to follow-up with AA. I truly am praying for a miracle. So hard to break the scared mold I was always set in for years.
I'm so happy your son has a chance to build a bridge to recovery! You've seen on this board that all that get the chance, don't necessarily stick with it 1st or 2nd or 3rd time around. But I also learned not to project, just pray.
This is the perfect time to take care of you! Take advantage if the relief that comes from them being safe, and make yourself stronger. Imagine all the good you could do for yourself!
As I was reading your post I was reminded that it is their recovery not ours. It is their choices and their life not ours. They have to take their life in the direction they see fit. We have to put the focus on ourselves. We have to change. If nothing we tried in the past worked ...why repeat it? If they truly want recovery they can find it with the help of their HP. When I finally accepted that I had no control over the choices my alcoholic made, be they good or bad, right or wrong, my life got better. They are adults and should be treated as adults.
The secret that works every time is turning our alcoholic over to a power greater than ourselves. All the stress, enabling, and worry only takes away from our serenity. I believe the greatest love we can show our alcoholics is allowing them to find their own way in their own time with no interference for us.
During the time your son is gone I suggest you work on your recovery. He's getting the help he needs...you need to do the same. Attending f2f meetings, reading your literature and working the program will be a life saver for you. Stay in the present and don't project what might or might not happen when he get out. Leave your son in HP's hands and start taking care of yourself. Break that "sacred mold" you have been in for years and try something different.That's the best thing you can do for the both of you.
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Thursday 29th of July 2010 10:06:08 PM
-- Edited by RLC on Friday 30th of July 2010 12:05:46 AM
(((Okwitt))) Try not to be too discouraged. All you have to do is look in the rooms of AA meetings and you will see men and women who are making it sober. Do they struggle? You bet. But they are trying the best that they can and we need to try to do the best we can. Through alanon, I have learned of all the ways that I was "helping" my AH to death. When I put the responsibility back in his lap and stopped my enabling ways, I can now get to see progress. Are there set backs? Yes, but my AH got right back in the program and working the steps to "start over." Does it take time? Yes, it a life long task. Don't give up hope. As long as you take breath, there is hope. Maybe this is be the time that your AS "gets it." I believe that if they keep trying, they will get it eventually. So, hang in there. Get to a F2F meeting. Listen to the "old timers". They have given me so much valuable information. Learn as much about the disease as you can. The more you know, the better your understanding. Be gentle with yourself while your AS is in treatment.
The world said give up... Then HOPE whispered "Try one more time."
Use this time to work on your own recovery is my suggestions. My son is unfortunatly in Jail but the blessing in disquise is I can work my program without the chaos and distractions. Blessings
