The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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This would not be the first time I have given her a loan. I changed the subject today when she asked in her indirect way of asking me. I keep reminding myself of her awful she treated me for the last year BUT I feel terrible she says she`ll pay whoever gives the loan back $100 a week. I know she`ll moan and groan about paying me back but will do it beacuse I`ve done it time and time before. Help!!!!
It really does sound like you have your answer, but fear is getting in the way.
I really have no advice except:
Take care of you FIRST.
If you decide not to . . .
"No." is a complete sentence.
My experience . . . saying no or standing up for myself used to almost make me physically sick. Now that I have started practicing it is getting easier and actually gives more fuel to the next time I need to do it. I don't feel worse for saying No, I feel BETTER. The fear of the consequences, for me, 100% of the time, has been unwarranted.
If I want a dynamic in a relationship to change, let's say my brother and I... We have had this weird relationship my whole life. I keep hoping HE will change.
The relationship didn't change until I did.
Sounds like this has been something that has happened time and time again, you know how it is going to turn out, you know how you are going to feel and be treated.
How is that going to change?
My thoughts are with you. I completely understand and have been where you are.
tlc
__________________
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
If you can afford to loose the money , go for it but don't expect that it will get paid back as promised , some one gave me that advice along time ago and it has saved me alot of resentment , if they pay it back great that is a bonus , give the money having no expectaions = no resentments orrrrrrr simply say NO I can't afford to do that at this time . good luck Louise
Sam if you say yes...what are the consequences? If you say no...what are the consequences. Will you give it out of love or fear? Al-Anon taught me to sit down and think slowly and clearly and like you are doing now to envolve others and then following thru. If you are not in the meeting rooms get there as soon as you can.
So she says she will pay 100 dollars a week to whomever gives her a loan. Doesn't have to be you... let someone else give her the loan, that is if they beleive her. If she has an extra 100 bucks a week what does she need the loan for? I don't have an extra 100 bucks a week LOL In agreement with the previous posts if you do decide to give her the loan do it without expectaions of recieving it back. Then there is no resentment involved. Good Luck
Thanks again for everyones thoughts on this... I have been thinking it over and I keep seeing how she has treated me for the past year or more. I mean really treated me and in front of her little girl who is now paying the price because of it. She would scream at me for no reason or for whatever and tear her daughter away in tears. This child would cry and cry and couldnt understand why her mother kept doing this insanity. I use to get in there for awhile but realized over that past number of months I had to get out of it. Now my grandaughter who is almost 7 is starting to treat me pretty poorly also. My daughter can not understand why. The little one who I have to babysit quite often will say, my momma cant pay her rent. I say, yes, I know, thats to bad honey. But I think she is starting to act just like her mother. Funny thing is her mother has stopped being abusive to me for the past few weeks. I have done more than enough for her.. Money , loan or not, btw, I do think I would get it back with a lot of moaning. I don`t need to go there anymore. She needs to grow up she is 35 going on 15. I hope to continue to stay strong. Thanks again!
