The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi everyone, I hate feeling so low and depressed but I can not help how I feel. I feel so drained of all energy and emotion I have nothing left to give, it has been a long time since I have felt this bad and I don't want to feel like this, usually I am hopeful, happy and have hope and faith. I usualy am the one to cheer up others and I feel bad my friends called and I just told them I do not want to talk or did not answer the phone. I just can not listen to any more of evreyone else's problems when my own are overwhelming me! I know this will not last for ever but it feels like it will. I just want to be Happy and have stability in my life and a relationship with someone who knows what he wants. I am tired of people walking all over me and treating me like I am disposable and do not matter. Everyone matters to me!! Please help heal my Heart and Soul!
The first thing I was told when I entered the rooms of Al-Anon was: "Always take care of yourself first". I soon realized that was not a selfish idea. If I didn't who would? I always got so involved in everyone else's problems....I never had time to take care of me. You seem to be in that very spot.
Try putting the focus on yourself, your well being, your happiness for a change....then continue doing it for yourself "everyday". You are the only person who has any power or control over you, how you feel or how you react or don't react. Don't feel guilty because of the way you feel you are only human. Your body mind and spirit seems to be asking you to change what you have been doing. It's time for you to save yourself, take care of you for a change.
Consider making a gratitude list of all the things you have to be thankful for....it might brighten you day and put a smile on your face. You deserve both.
I see you have been a member of Al-Anon for 16 years...you have a lot of program to fall back on at time like these and I'm sure friends in the program who would be glad to listen. You have been there for them and rest assured they are there for you.
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Saturday 24th of July 2010 01:04:00 PM
Hi Grace, I love the name Grace. Im sure you were not named Grace by accident.
Even the best of us optomists can reach the level of hopelessness. I did a long time ago, but got so much better, with the help of Alanon and my higher power.
Unfortunatly all that despair and pain will not go away by itself. Alanon has a saying " Nothing changes, if nothing changes" in other words we have to be the director of the change. There has to be an action. We can not be walked on unless we allow it.
In Alanon we learn boundaries, sounds like you could use a few. Sounds like you just need to find that happy balance of caring for yourself first and then caring for others. Because life would not be fulfilling if we just cared for ourselves. First we have to be good with us.
Try some Alanon face to face meetings in your area, if thats not possible, please keep coming back. I guarantee you will learn a lot just by reading the posts and reaching out, which you have already taken the first leap of faith.
Wishing you strength , courage and wisdom, Luv, Bettina
Wow what a great post. I think you are getting to boundaries. It is perfectly appropriate at times to say I'm at my limit. Sometimes it is necessary to be "still". My issues are in feeling I am only worthy when I am giving. I need no one around me to prove my self worth anymore.
Thank you so much for having the courage to be honest about where you are now. I am feeling the same way today myself. i just read something that made me feel a little better revolving around self care. I forget to give myself permission to have downtime - to actually take some things off of my own plate. no matter what i think other people are going to say feel or think about what I need to do for me (Powerless there). I have to constantly remind myself that they have there own God and so do I! Loving me is setting an example.
I remember that feeling. I learned here at MIP this: "We teach others how to treat us."
It is so true. I now will say, please don't use profanity towards me. I mean when they are just casually talking too.
If someone is a turkey I say I choose to not be involved.
My tenants were not taking care of some things so I had to. I went ahead and filled their animals troughs etc.
Then I called, let them know, then added $30 to their boarding fee. Was supposed to months ago.
I am different now. Not hard, but do not put up with a tiny speck of inconsiderateness.
We all deserve to be treated in caring ways, in ways that show we are special.
Also here at MIP we learn how to respond to people and their venting. Let them know we will listen but not fix anything. Share our experience, but do not have to make things right for anyone.
The serenity prayer is perfect. Does not have to be religious, the concept is great.
Accept what you cannot change or fix, change what you can, or share your experience that they may accept or not. And learn how to tell the difference.
When I hurt, I say, I just need ya to listen not fix it.
IF I were you, I would rest. Put a message on my phone that I am taking a break for me.
do the basics eat and drink right, take naps, get healthy again. I read The farside books, watch funny movies. I LOVE The Big Lebowski, Uncle Buck.....Surround yourself with flowers, plants. LIFE. If you can,get a puppy or kitten, nothing is greater to me than nurturing a life.
come here, we listen and care, been where you are! hope you come back. debilyn
And you have come hunting for help and support. Aloha Grace...time to allow yourself some some more of what you're named...Grace. Family here will support you now that you cannot support yourself and others. Family will come to your support with suggestions and how you give yourself Grace is to follow up on them. If part of the problem is trying to support and rescue alcoholics and addicts what I will suggest that worked for me was go to the white pages of your local telephone book and look up the hot line number for Al-Anon and call it immediately and find out where the meeting places and times are in your area and then go as quickly as you can. They are free and the only qualification you need is that you be affected by someone elses drinking. Go to the literature table and browse all that is there and you will likely get a free "new comers" packet at the start of the meeting. Sit down, all the way down and start listening with an open mind. Share what brought you there if they ask and stick around after the meeting and talk with the membership. You can ask them questions then. Get meeting schedules and phone numbers of others you can contact in between meetings and plan on repeating the process as often as you can over the next 90 days. Keep coming back here also...Lots of the membership will be found at MIP also. We are here now to give away what was given to us. ((((Hugs))))
Grace, I'm sorry you are feeling as you are, but you have come to the right place. From reading your profile, I see you are new to our site, but not new to al-anon. I can see from your post that you know what you need to do to take care of you. Good job!
I see several positive things in your post, you mention "I know this will not last forever", therefor you know that "This too Shall Pass". Hold on to that slogan. I have been where you are and sometimes it is hard to set boundaries with those who have a tendency to run rough-shod over them. As others have said, take care of yourself first and the rest will fall into place.
When I was in the hospital with cancer one of the things that the nurses told me was, "Lisa, if you get to where you have too many visitors, don't hesitate to tell us to tell them that you need a break and will respectfully see them later." This was such a great help to me. I was in the process of healing and needed to rest. I think this is true at certain times in our life in recovery. Sometimes we need to respectively set boundaries with others and just "take care of ourselves". There is not shame in this. There will be time to do our 12th stepping later.
Take care of you and give yourself "grace" to face another day.
Love in recovery, Overcome
__________________
I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
I sure can relate to how you feel. In the beginning of my own depression and my sons addiction I had so many days that you just described. There were days at work ( in which I was a supervisor of over 40 people) when my employees would just need to talk to me about thier own personal problems and I was in a place where I just couldn't take one more thing. I would post a sign on my desk. It said " i am sorry, I have absolutly nothing to offer you today" How awful is that? LOL But it was the truth. My employees understood, management not so much lol cause the sign was meant for them too. But at the time ( before alanon ) that was the only way I knew how to cope and proctect myself. After alanon I am much able to express my needs in a much healthier way. Please give the program a try, you've nothing to lose Blessings
Hi everyone, I hate feeling so low and depressed but I can not help how I feel. I feel so drained of all energy and emotion I have nothing left to give, it has been a long time since I have felt this bad and I don't want to feel like this, usually I am hopeful, happy and have hope and faith. I usualy am the one to cheer up others and I feel bad my friends called and I just told them I do not want to talk or did not answer the phone. I just can not listen to any more of evreyone else's problems when my own are overwhelming me! I know this will not last for ever but it feels like it will. I just want to be Happy and have stability in my life and a relationship with someone who knows what he wants. I am tired of people walking all over me and treating me like I am disposable and do not matter. Everyone matters to me!! Please help heal my Heart and Soul! 
