The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Suffice it to say my wife is a dry drunk as well as an ACA. She exhibits all the behaviors of an alcoholic. Today, due to my work schedule, I couldn't take my daughter to a show she wanted to see badly. I asked my wife who I knew was free this evening and received an "I dont' know"....I asked, when will you know and got the same answer. There was no explanation of why she didn't know, not a tricky work schedule or a prior commitment, or anything. Later in the day I asked and got the same answer again...frustrated I decided to stop asking and found someone else to take her who I'd meet there. So what does my wife do? Take my daughter our shopping, basically insuring she'll miss the show. Now I told my daughter that she'd probably miss the show since she was leaving now but since my daughter knows she's getting something, I guess she's shifted gears....but that's typical of what she does...it seems she purposely causes problems. all I needed was a straight yes or no today, and then once I made other arrangements, not to sabotage them.
Hi and Welcome! Sounds like she is trying to sabotage and undermine YOU!
Does your wife drink at other times, you say dry drunk...
We the spouses and family members try not to diagnose or say Alcoholic, that is something they admit to themselves. Sometimes the alcoholic has dual diagnosis, drinking with another mental issue going on.
Try and share more of what you have been going thru with your wife, most of the family members on the board have loads of experience with all kinds of issues.
Keep coming back because this program will be very helpful to all your going thru.
Welcome to MIP! There is experience, strength and hope for living with A's and dry drunks. My AHSober hasn't drank for over 20 years. I have said before that this has been worse than any drunk I ever went thru with him. He left 5 years ago. He is predictable with his self centered behavior. He is also an ACA.
In Alanon they tell us to keep the focus on ourselves. Keep coming back.
Wife has issue with depression, anger management (though she's never been violent) and ADHD. She's and ACA also. We both drink in moderation (a beer here, glass of wine there) and that's honestly never caused a problem. When I say dry drunk, I mean that even when not drinking (and again it's rare when she does, and never to excess) living with her is like living with an alcoholic. Mood can change over a few minutes from nice to nasty. Any slight thing can send her off on a rant. She says insensitive things, terrible boundary issues (doesn't respect mine much at all), slob in the house (I feel embarrassed to have friends over because she leaves a mess everywhere). I literally never know what to expect at any given moment.
I don't believe that quantity is an issue if an alcoholic drinks they are definitely affected by the substance. I would suggest reading a book that is offered at the top of this page, Getting them Sober. Expectations are a huge issue when dealing with an alcoholic. We have to change them and work through our resentments. There are ways to have boundaries around an alcoholic. They are not easy to learn but they are possible. You are in the right place being here. I hope you will give al anon a shot.
