All I know is for me and my AH, when he is drinking, I have learned to expect anything that spews from his mouth is a lie, if not, what a treat. I have learned to just get on with my day. It makes me horribly sad, but life goes on, and so do I. You have to remember, it is the disease talking, not you AH. Try to get to a meeting, it does help.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain.

Hi and welcome :)  trust is an interesting topic in life overall and especially in life with alcholics or anyone addicted to anything.  I have a friend who I have known since childhood.  I love her dearly, have alot of fun with her and she is not an alcholic.  She has so  many wonderful qualities and I really love her.  She however can not be trusted with anything I would not want published in the paper.  So I dont tell her anything I would not want everyone to know. Knowing that I have to choose what I share with her. I can break off the friendship becasue she cant be trusted or I can continue the relationship knowing that and not expecting her to ever change.
People with addictions lie, period.  It goes hand in hand with addiction.  Lying isnt something that one person addicted does and other other doesnt, it is universal trait. Yet we are so surprised with it in the face of repeated evidence.  That is where our "wanting" to believe someone so despartely comes into play.  Our wanting never changed anything in anyone.  To get back to the question of "how do you handle it?"  my suggestion would be to really try to educate yourself on addiction, get to meetings, we have some wonderful on line meetings as well here.  Try to get as much understanding of the disease of addiction that you can.  You are not alone with your questions and will find many suggestions and new coping skills thru alanon.  thanks and welcome :)  blessings your way.

I really thought the lying was the worst part of this disease. It is universal. Alcholics/addicts have to lie as that is how this disease protects itself. I believe they belive their own lies, they have too because if they spoke or thought the truth they would have to admit there was a problem.
Now for me wether my son is high or sober I just assume everything he tells me is a lie unless his actions prove otherwise.
Actions speak louder than words.
Once I realized it was a universal syptom of this disease and stopped taking it personally it felt alot better.
The sad part is they are so sick that they believe their own lies which keeps them on the merry go round.
Blessings

I would encourage you to get ahold of the copy of AA's big book and read the first several chapters. It really tells you all about this disease from the alcoholic's shoes.

One of the things that stuck out to me a lot was something I read in there about broken promises. Alcoholics may make promises and have every intention of keeping them until the urge to drink overcomes them. Then all bets are off. It makes liars out of them.

It really is a sad reality that I discovered for myself, and to be honest, I still have an issue with taking a lot of what my soon ex-AH says as the truth. I don't know why I still have a tendency to try to believe what he tells me. I know there's some energy within me that really wants to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and not be suspicious and cynical with everyone. When I really think about it, it could be because I don't want those gross feelings I get when I know I'm being lied to because my usual reaction when I know I'm being lied to is to get ANGRY. Even to the point of getting confrontational and making an attempt to force the truth out.

I can catch him red-handed in an out-and-out lie, and when he sits their denying things, it infuriates me.

This is one of the primary reasons I simply could not stay with my AH any longer. I couldn't take the lying. For me, his lying was absolutely detrimental to our relationship, because he did a lot of cheating. It HURT. It still does hurt and at times I just want to grab him by the shoulders and scream my rage in his face.

But the person in me who wants to "be" who God wants me to "be" will not do that. I recognize my ex-AH is likely pretty miserable with himself and each and every day he's living in a state of being uncomfortable in is own skin is punishment enough - punishment he brigs upon himself. I try to remember he does NOT like himself. At all. He won't admit it, but I know deep down that is his real truth. And it's sad. And when I think of it that way, I can have some compassion for him despite all his lying. I'm sure that same person in him who would love to be who God wants him to be feels pretty awful about the things he's done... but he doesn't know how to cope with it except by distracting himself with drinking and sleeping around.

My own choice to get a divorce is really self-preservation. I can't stay with someone who is so sick not only does he put his own life in peril with drinking, driving while drinking, and sleeping around, he was putting MY life in peril because of his sleeping around.

The lying is, unfortunately, all part of the territory with alcoholism. This disease is cunning, baffling and powerful.

Please try to get to some Al-Anon meetings. There are some that offer child care - there should be a list of meetings available in your area in your phone book, or up on the al-anon.alateen.org web site. Call the meetings and see if they offer babysitting during the meeting.