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My husband just came home from rehab, he has been sober 44 days. Today I suspected him of drinking or lyeing. Pretty sure he was doing one or the other or both. I tried to talk to him and assure him that I just wanted the truth and no matter what we would get through it together but that didnt seem to get me anywhere. I ended up just going to bed and letting him no that I was going to mind my own business when it came to his sobriety and when he felt he could or would want to talk to me I was here....Pretty sure that was my best option but it still feels crappy. I have always supported and loved him despite the drinking or problems stemming from the drinking and he comes home with this new attitude like hes sooo much smarter than me about everything. He talks to me like a therapist now. REALLY ? Where is his humility, compassion, or understanding to my recovery. Why am I expected to be all those things? Sorry, couldnt make a meeting tonight, def going tomorrow night. Im pretty new to al anon but I love the program. I am trying so hard to embrace it all but its hard when you feel like its looked down on in some ways b/c his was day after day all day for 6 weeks so what could I possible know. I just want to scream at him " be grateful for the break and mostly the TIME you spent away", like i would ever be able to get away from the kids, bills, family, and work for that long to just work on me and my recovery. I have to do it with all those day to day distractions. UGH.... I could go on and on, any words or wisdom would be greatly appreciated. God bless you all and thanks in advance
Well, sure...HIS program was 6 weeks of non stop program. Because he needed 5 weeks for the substances to leave his body, for his mind to clear enough for him to be able to sit upright in a chair for an hour and comprehend what was being said.
We alanons are sober. We do not have to detox or flush chemicals from our bodies before we can begin to hear what is being said. We can skip that step. And, generally we are AT our bottom when we get to alanon, and we come with the desire for help, all on our own, without being forced to and with out any ultimatiums. I know many A's who get to rehab because other people tell them to or the courts force them to...and if they are lucky, it sticks.
So, there really is NO comparison between programs. You get to work yours as YOU see fit as does he.
They had him, you didn't and they didn't include you in on the treatment. Got the phone number to the treatment facility? Call and ask if there is someone there he needs to be still connected to when things go sideways. Also ask them is there someone there who the spouse and/or family can be connected to because it isn't all about him and there is an affected family also. Say what you mean...don't say it mean. They got their money...what does the family get? I use to be a therapist with addicts and alcoholics and we were always connected to family. To bad that many programs don't or won't acknowledge those most affected by the disease.
I always laugh and you might do it also because it is sooooo funny when they start talking like the therapist. It ain't about the talk...its about the walk and learning the walk takes much more than 44 days. Allow yourself a giggle. "Gosh you sound sooooo much like your therapist and still look like the drunk that just left home."
Good that you're in the family groups where we can love and support you in your own recovery.
My exha so far has been through two rehabs. In what seemed to be a lucid moment, he told me it was too painful for him to look at what he's done. He also told me that his therapist advised against it, as it wasn't constructive for him to do so.... not sure about that one... Anyway, I do believe it is too painful for him; I think this may be why he will also not acknowledge my recovery or my need for it. He no longer wishes to associate with me, as he would prefer to erase our 20 years. Life is full of twists and turns and I can not predict much of anything even for today - I pray for wisdom.
I cannot erase the 20 years with my exHA, as it is a part of who I am; hopefully, by being here and working the program, I'll continue to grow from it. I do not expect my pain or my loving and caring about him to disappear, but I am looking forward to being able to enjoy life more and more.
your going to need alot of patience for the next little while , he is what I lovingly call stark raving sober , riding on a pink cloud and so full of themselves its sickning , but th good news is he's sober soooooooooo , he can now sit and be trusted with his children so u can get to a couple of meetings a week too .you too need to recover . Walk away from silly arguments , read all u can on How important is it ..your gonna be okay keep the focus on yourself and leave him to God and AA .
so u can get to a couple of meetings a week too .you too need to recover .