The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been thinking lol OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, yes sorry, and I thought of all the people in this world who have I hurt most? And I think it is myself, this thing we live with is so cunning it makes us think we are telepathic, and majicians, we take it upon ourselves to try and do for others what they should be doing for themselves, I keep having flash backs of how I have jumped in and helped complete strangers, maybe even helped them across a road they never wanted to cross, insulted people by helping them pack thier shopping bags when they were more than capable, why I thought I could do for any of them what they couldn't do for themselves I can only summise, I wanted to be kind, but more than anything when I did those things I didn't THINK, I just did them, you will be pleased to know I have a new mind set now, I think it came about because I have just completed a year long with a man with an aquired head injury, would you belive sustained form a drunken driver, I wnet in there, thinking I could do for him what I thought he couldn't do for himself and do you know what happened? He taught me how to do things, he asked me to make the coffee one morning and I said but I can't see wether your sweetner has gone in or not? he said put them in first and listen you will hear them drop in, WOW, he was partially sited so he would kind of see with his fingers, tracing wires and identifying the shapes, he taught me so so much, and do you know what? My head feels so so much lighter now that i have not got the weight of the world on my shoulders, it really is nice to step aside and let something greater than me take responsibility, Happiness happiness the greatest thing that I possess, mwah xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I too have a friend who is limited due to a physical injury. He is a quad and has been my best friend for 18 years. He is so inspiring. He has built himself a beautiful home, sky dives, has a great boat for water skiing ( he drives only!), just started his own winery which is taking off!
We can learn a lot from each other and each of us can help too much. It is funny, I can't cook to save my life. But he can! He uses my hands (not literally) and we make fantastic food! This week has been steak and lobster BBQ, Beef Stew, and a great Pot Roast. I learn so much from him in all facets of life and just as I want to help too much, so does he. Last night he was helping me cook and said "Ok, put down your glass, open the fridge, grab the cucumbers..."
I looked at him and said "Can I breathe? Tell me when . . . In . . . Out. A simple "grab the cucs from the fridge would have worked." Then I gave him a big smile and a kiss and we both laughed. He can get a little overzealous in his instructions as much as I can.
On the flip side I was setting up his salt water tank. I had to fight every urge I had to set it up the way I wanted it and the way I thought would be best. It is a challenge and takes practice to just sit and listen to someone else and let them have the freedom to be themselves! My ego gets in the way of that often.
BTW, here is the tank. Should have done and before and after . . . but the before it was empty - so you can use your imagination.
Great share, thank you!
tlc
__________________
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
A few weeks back, I was in my yard and noticed a baby bird that had fallen out of the nest. It looked like it was in big trouble and my heart went out to it. I quickly located a nest in the rhododendron near where the bird fell. The nest held a mother and babies.
I grabbed gloves from my garage and hurried back. THe mother flew from the nest and watched from a distance. I shooed the flies away, and, as I started to place the bird in the nest I felt relieved the baby bird would be ok. However, as I placed the bird in the nest, it was crowded and there was no extra room. So, I placed the baby bird on top of another baby bird. My hands still hovering near the nest, I was overcome by the realization that the other babies did not look like the baby I placed in the nest.
Withdrawing my hands, I frowned. Now it occurs to me that I placed a sick baby in a nest with other babies, and, to make matters worse, it may not have even been the nest the baby bird fell from.
I am hoping that the mother bird doesn't pull an Alfred Hitchcock... and that she knows what to do with the baby bird that is struggling to thrive.... She sat there patiently this whole time watching me be a nuisance and not minding my own business.
Just when I thought I knew what my side of the street looks like....
Great share Katy...good growth and very helpful. I went thru the same realization while doing a 4th step and it apalled me how I had such a jump in and take over character. The short of it was that while working this 4th I learned the difference twix enabling and helping which you seem to have mentioned here. Enabling I learned was jumping in and taking over when the other person had the time, ability and facility to take care of their own needs. Helping was when anyone of those were missing and I "Asked" if they wanted my help. I learned a new prayer conversation twix me and HP also. If I see a situation that looks like it needs help and no one is coming to the aid I ask, "Is there anything here that you see that I might be a help to." Then I listen. I've never not received a right response to that prayer.
Friday thoughts are good thoughts. Mahalo (((((hugs)))))
Thankyou for the lovely fish tank, and your replies, makes me feel very humble that people less able than myself can turn their life around and work such majic and strength, calling upon things I never belived possible to achive the seemingly impossible, I loved the little bird story and how it was a seren dipperty, when you do somthing exspecting one outcome and another one comes out, I do worry about anaylising things too much though, always looking for the hidden meaning, I think I will stop that when I am cured lol I just need more practicex
