The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A person dear to me introduced me to this website recently. What a blessing! In the short time I have been lurking I have learned so much. I can relate to some stories. I cried for the first time. It felt good, so I cried some more.
The hardest part for me is the first step. "We admitted we were powerless over alcoholthat our lives had become unmanageable." I am beginning to admit that I am powerless over it. But I cannot accept it.
My mother is my A. Just over a year ago, she told me that she had a problem and needed help. Now, I'd known for several months that she had a problem with it, but I didn't take the initiative to see what options were there for her. I sort of poked fun at her by saying "well the first step is admitting you have a problem." But I had no idea what she could do about it. We discussed options, even though we both didn't know what to do, and she dropped it. A few days later she was back in denial about her alcoholism. I wish so badly that I had done my homework and been prepared for that moment.
By the time we did interveen, she was in denial, not really caring if she lived or died She didn't finish the treatment we sent her to, and was filled with resentment for a long time about us "Forcing her to go to rehab." I guess this was my first lesson in learning I am powerless over the alcoholism. I couldn't force her to get sober, and I couldn't force her to stay sober. I couldn't force her to seek out AA meetings or therapists.
Now we're on her second round. She is doing it on her own this time. Of course I am by her side, cheering her on whole way, but this time, things are completely on her terms. I am so proud of her. I really feel like she has a shot at making it to meeting and actually getting help this time.
I feel like there is so much I need to learn about this disease. I feel like I don't know anything about it. I have come to terms with the fact that she will probably relapse. I can deal with that. It may sound harsh and cold, but I've even begun to come to terms with the idea that she may not be around much longer (her body has gone through hell the past several years.) I am blessed with every day I have with her, but I don't expect her to be around another five years. As much as it hurts me to admit, I doubt she will be alive to see any of my children (which will probably start arriving in the next year or two) . However, I think that if she dies, and I haven't taking the initiative to learn a thing or two about this disease, I will not be able to forgive myself. Maybe that is where the not being able to accept powerlessness comes from, because I feel like my power comes from learning about, and understanding what she is going through.
Aloha Sansui...Welcome to MIP...there is so much to learn and one of the early things is that (like me) you don't know alot about the disease or the future. I was a projector and fortune teller and found out my crystal ball was really cheap plexiglass. Thats the way it goes for us alot of time. Being clueless about the disease is part of the powerlessness. I didn't know and didn't know I didn't know but tried to act self assured. The disease loves that type of attitude and character because it could make a nerd out of me at any second. I finally arrived in program willing to be taught and supported regardless of what did or didn't happen to my alcoholic wife. Her drinking was the will of the disease not mine or HP's. I did as directed; took my focus off of her and fixed it firmly on myself and my part in my problems in the disease and got to work.
You've been lurking and finally opened the door to MIP. Take a seat and listen and learn. If you have already learned what the most often repeated suggestions are, follow up on them for yourself. Your mom is taking care of her side of the street and if she does that as suggested she will get sober and stay sober regardless of how you're doing and may progress right past you. Keep coming back...(((((Hugs)))))
Welcome (((sansui))) You have come to the right place. I am new here, myself, and i don't know how I made it before finding MIP! I,too, struggle with 'admitting I am powerless'. I TELL myself that I have no control over my AH's drinking, I KNOW I have no control, then I turn right around and do something that proves I thnk I am stillin control! As I've read many times, sometimes WE become more insane than our A's!! I can relate to that! I have been reading everything I can find about alcoholism and just started attending F2F meetings. Those things,combined with frequently coming to MIP and reading others stories, and sometimes posting my own thoughts, have started leading me out of a 32+ roller coaster ride from hell. I hope you are able to find some measure of peace and understanding, too. Please keep coming back. The support I have received here is just amazing, and I'm sure you will find it to be the same for you. Thinking of you today and sending many positive thoughts your way!
love from Denise
______
"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time."
__________________
"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time."
I lurk sometimes too, sometimes thats all I need to help me find a solution to a problem I might have, sometimes I write what I am feeling, whatever you decide to do the choice is yours, what you can be sure of is ? there will always be those of us that can understand what you are feeling and try to guide you with our own experience wisdom and hope, you have come to a very good place, the peeps are just fab.
Welcome You sure are in the right place. You have already been given all the best experiences and suggestions you can get. My son is an addict by the time I found alanon I was crazy as hell It took me 10 months to admit and truly believe I am powerless. 10 months to work that first step, am I hard headed or what? No matter how many times my son showed me I could not control his actions I kept trying to control the uncontrollable. Sheesh Please find meetings in the area and give us a chance For me walking through the doors of alanon it saved my sanity and my life ( I don't say that litghtly). I first came thru those doors I was looking to fix my son and when I found out it was a program to help me I almost left. I mean I wasn't the sick one right? Truth be told I was as sick if not sicker than my son. I didn't need drugs to crazy make I did that all on my own. People urged me to stick around, give it a chance Today I urge you to do the same. You have found a place of love, support and understanding as no one else who isn't in our situaltion can. Blessings to you
