The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
First off, I am new here.... I have been with my ABF for 4 years now, although we have been seperated now for almost 9 months. I left him in October, taking our 1 year old daughter with me, who is now almost 2. He started drinking around age 14, alcoholic by 16 and drank daily, on and off drug use for 16 years. He put himself into rehab this past April, he was literally dying, eating every other day, maybe. Drinking, using daily - basically just wasting away. Going to work drunk, and all sorts of I don't know what. I am so glad I was not there to witness it anymore. Before I left he was what they call a High Functioning alcoholic. It took him about 6 months to hit bottom after we left. Leaving was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.But I don't think he would have hit that bottom, if I would have stayed. He is the love of my life and I cannot imagine my life without him. I had almost given up on him, until that day he called and told me he was on the way to the rehab center. I stayed on the phone with him until he was in the lobby...and that's the last time I communicated with the Drunk, High man that I love. I am so proud of him, he is now 88 days sober and loving his sobriety. He attends daily AA meetings, works steps with his sponsor devotedly. We are unable to be together right now, for monetary reasons, but hope to be together soon. I have never known him sober...completely sober and I cannot wait to discover that person. Just wanted to share my story. There is hope for us now...We hope to start family counseling once we are united again...I know it won't be easy and sobriety is not guaranteed, but there is definitely hope! Feel free to comment or share - it's all appreciated!
I wish u well , hopefully you are attending f2f meetings for yourself , and yes there is always hope but we have to get on with our lives cant wait for them to see the light ..We have 20 yrs sobriety in our home and lots of positive changes ,I still attend 3 meetings a week as he is still alcoholic and I still react to him occasionally , we simply dont think alike our solutions to a problem are different but my prog keeps me grounded and allows me the courage to speak up and have an opinion then let it go. having no expectations that anything will change works for me , its just important that i speak up .
Wow! Thanks for sharing that wonderful hopeful story. I'm so glad your ABF has found sobriety and is working a program. As Abbyal said, I can only suggest that you also work your own recovery program just a seriously. It will help you keep your focus on yourself, so that he remains free to be the one in charge of his own recovery. LOL, I did not take my own ESH many years back and I was an excellent source of the status of my AH's recovery. This is a pressure difficult for anyone to take, let alone an alcoholic.
Please keep coming back to share your ESH ( Experience, strength and hope), we all benefit from it.
I know I definitely have to start my own recovery...right now it is quite difficult. I work and work, and work. I might try a meeting or 2 on here, but will definitely at some point be able to do a f2f meeting. My family is definitely not supportive of my situation. Which I don't understand at all, as they have all dealt with an alcoholic family member at some point. Everyone tells me they are parents just being parents, but....I just wish they could have just a little understanding, a little compassion. I want to do what is best for our daughter and I think that is to have her father in her life. Right now he is doing the best thing he can for us - himself most of all, and that is staying clean and sober. I never thought I would see the day - so glad that it's here!
Thanks Ri for your hopeful post I will stress what has already been said here alot and tell you to get recovery for yourself as well. Find meetings in your area or please join us here on line. Believe it or not we are sick to . And even with recovery you will be dealing with this disease daily ( one day at a time ), it is a lifelong recovery process. With both you and your b/f in recovery you will learn so much healthier coping skills to teach your daughter. God Bless
Amen to that. We want a healthy. loving environment for our daughter. That is one of the reasons I left. It was not an ideal situation for a child. This forum has already helped me realize, I cannot control everything and to just let go. When I feel myself getting worked up, I think about that. I think, ya know what, I can't control this - so just let it go. Very important life lesson.
Aloha Ri...Welcome to MIP and compassion for your alcoholic/addict and yourself.
The language of Al-Anon has deep roots in AA and NA is one of the off shoots of that 12 step program also. One of the things or many things that will happen is you and he will have a common language and understanding and separate selves. My wife and I are both members of recovery and we stand up well together and don't fall down when either let go. I love her and don't need her and she loves me and doesn't need me either and we do very well together. One of the rocket science lessons and practices of our recovery.
I'm in support for you along with the rest of the MIP family. Welcome and (((((hugs)))))
I can't wait to get to the point where I can actually understand the majority of what he is telling me about his recovery We are so looking forward to our future it's an amazing turn around from just 3 or 4 months ago when I was hardly speaking to him. What a dark and scary time for me after I had left last October. Spring was just that - an new beginning to our life!
. And even with recovery you will be dealing with this disease daily ( one day at a time ), it is a lifelong recovery process.