The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been back together w/my ex husband for almost 2 years now. We were married for 15 years. Separated for 1 year and divorced for almost a year before we got back together. We do not live together...just dating.
So he suffers from depression and is not being treated for it. He is in school right now and working part time delivering pizzas at night. The last couple of months he has been ditching school a lot. He dropped a class all together during the last session and had to retake it this session. He has 2 days left of this class - today & Wed. He did not go today!!! This makes me SOOO MAD! It is so irresponsible and stupid.
See, we have 2 kids (boy 16, girl 7). Since he started back to school last September, I have not been receiving regular child support. He got behind last winter and Child Support Services intercepted part of his tax return. He made another payment on top of that and was ALMOST caught up but not quite. He hasn't made any payments in a couple of months. All of this b/c he is in school & not making much money delivering pizzas. I am struggling to say the least w/my bills but have been trying to get by b/c of his situation. But when he lays out of school & lays out of work, it eats me up inside!
I am doing everything in my power to take care of the kids with what I have to work with. I don't have the luxury of quitting my full time job to go back to school for 2 years. I can't just stay home whenever I feel like it b/c I would lose my job. I can't go get a 2nd job to help out w/my bills b/c I have to take care of my kids in the evenings. When he lays around for days or weeks, sulking in his own loathing self pity, it makes me sick! I don't want to see him or talk to him at all. I just can't tolerate that behavior.
Honestly, for the last few months, I have been feeling like it was time to quit this relationship for good AGAIN. He has mentioned it too but we never go through with it. I am kind of waiting on him to end things.....put it on him this time. I am just tired of living this life. I am not happy. Every day I am stressed to the max & he adds to my stress just by being this guy who talks about how he takes care of his family but really does not. So I am soooo over it!
Sorry you are going through all this. I can tell you I know a few people who deliver pizzas as a second job and while thier "regular pay" is not good they make a killing in tips ( which they don't claim all on thier tax forms as it is really untracable). If fact one person I know quit his full time "real job" where he was making around $30,000 a year to deliver pizzas full time. So don't be fooled by him saying he is not making much money. Get yourself to meetings. meetings, meetings Blessings to you and your children
hate that things are not working out well for you - I can understand how stressful that must be for you
Something that you said in your last paragraph stood out to me tho -
"I am kind of waiting on him to end things.....put it on him this time. I am just tired of living this life. I am not happy. Every day I am stressed to the max & he adds to my stress just by being this guy who talks about how he takes care of his family but really does not. So I am soooo over it!"
I know about waiting for "them" to do something ~ seems like for me I was always waiting for my ex to do something, but he never did.
Then I read this passage in ODAT in AL-Anon from page 234~'Never let me imagine that my satisfaction with life depends on what someone else may do'
It occured to me that I was allowing someone else to control my life ~ it was time for ME to take my life back. I used the serenity prayer to help me determine what I could CHANGE and CHANGE those things that I could.
You probably can't ever make him pay you more money but you could probably stop waiting for him to do something that you could do if you feel like You are ready to do it yourself.
I suggest prayer to your HP, seeking guidance, wisdom and peace about what is right for you and take good care of YOU and what is healthiest for YOU!!
HUGS, Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I have a friend who let another friend stay with her, and then store furniture in her garage while she got back on her feet. In the interim, the friend who needed help appears to be spending money on frivolous things. My friend is building more and more resentment. She has decided to set a boundary, to ask the other friend to move her stuff out within a certain time so she can let go of the resentment.
