The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So my AH does not care that he is a Type 1 diabetic and continues to drink and thinks that he can hide it! He is so mean when he drinks. I love him to death when he has not had a drop. Because of financial reasons, I cannot leave. We have a 7 year old son that means the world to us. But my AH forgets how much our 7 year old means to him and says and does things because of alcohol. There are many days that our son would rather spend time with his dad than me, but my hubby forgets about that. My AH loves it and takes it all in when our son only wants dad and not me. Buy then he forgets about it when he quickly runs to the gas station and gets what he needs without even thinking about our son. I don't know which is sadder....my AH or me still being here.
I'm tired of crying...I'm tired of not being included in my family functions any longer, I'm tired of feeling worthless all because my AH makes me belive all this....
The alcohol comes before anything else unfortunatelly, even before family. I have lived through it. I know they have good intentions and make promises but do not keep them. It is sad you and your son are having to deal with this.
You are not worthless. I've heard someone say alcoholism is a disease of the mind, body, and soul and I think this is so true. It's the alcohol talking and acting mean when he drinks. I'm sure you already know that.
Aloha Helpme...I can give you the suggestion which saved my life and sanity when I was in the same area as you are now...Go to the white pages of your local telephone book and look up the number for the Al-Anon hot line. Call and see if there is a live person on the other end and if not there surely will be a recording of the meeting places and times that you should get to as fast as you can manage it. Getting into the rooms of Al-Anon is soooo helpful. When you're there go to the literature table and look thru all of the literature and they may surely have a starters packet for you also. Sit down in the meeting and listening to the membership share their experience, strength and hope and you might be given the chance to tell them what got you there. Make up your mind and spirit to get to as many meetings as you can over the next 90 days and keep coming back to MIP and hooking up with us also. You can't do a thing about your own alcoholic spouse. You're powerless over his alcoholism (everyone elses also) and your life is bordering on unmanageable at the moment. Keep coming back. (((((hugs)))))
I am in a place very similar to yours today. My AH is a pro at leaving me feeling like I am not good enough and nothing I do is enough and somehow I am always the one wrong/at fault/not trying... etc. Some days I buy into the junk and other days I can use the tools of the program and see if there is any truth in anything that is being said... take what I like and leave the rest ... works on family conversations also <wink> I was ready to start packing a few hours ago because I am so stinking tired of hearing the same things ( complaints) over and over and over and then I went to my bathroom and saw in the mirror the sticker I put there a few weeks ago... got it from the local AA office... it is clear with white letters and it says.... YOU ARE LOOKING AT THE PROBLEM.
For me that is a double duty saying. The obvious is that I am my own problem... my wants my feelings my desire to control ....... but the other way to look at it is the fact that when I focus on the problem it gets bigger NOT better. Time is better spent looking for a SOLUTION....
Just for today I am keeping my mouth shut and my eyes open.... who knows, might learn something about myself in the process!
Glad you are here... keep coming back..... YOU are worth the effort it takes to recover!!!!!!!!!!
blessings, donna/adonaisgirl
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One Day at a Time I am POWERLESS but not HOPELESS Be sure to BREATHE and SMILE!!!
I would leave with my son if I could. I don't come from this country and cannot leave the country without him signing papers to let me take my son. He will never agree to it so I am stuck. We split for 6 months and he made my life a living hell in this tiny, remote town. $16000 later and finding no help in the court system here, I was struggling. And for some insane reason, I felt it would be easier to let him move back in and "try" with the help of marriage counselling. Now things are worse than ever.
My mental strength is not what it should be as I think I blame myself in some way. It also doesn't help that I have no family in this country. I also hadn't realised until the past month or so just how much he has affected my health. I limp due to extreme hip pain that the physiotherapist says is 100% due to stress.
He doesn't do anything with his son (other than swear and drink in front of him) but he made sure I couldn't move away from town with him when I wanted to.
I went to an Al-Anon meeting and there was just one other person there. Then I got sick and was unable to go for 3 weeks. I do plan to go back. I HAVE to. I hope you find a local group too. Just hearing the story of one other person at the meeting helped me put some things in perspective. I just need to keep going back.....
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Jackie
You never know how strong you can be until being strong is the only option you have left!
So just keep your head up and keep moving forward.
