The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Why do I get this feeling that you guys think i'm from outer space? When I post I'm not getting any replies. Just cause my alcoholic is adult son doesn't mean I am not hurting and trying to learn. I'm hurting, and yes I've looked up brochures and trying to start on steps. I'm not getting to far in the meeting on here...but I am gonna keep coming back!
I am so sorry you feel left out but would like to assure you that in alanon the only requirement for membership is that there is a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. It does not matter who the alcoholic is or if they are alive or deceased.
Since we did not cause alcoholism. cannot cure alcoholism and cannot control alcoholism alanon urges us to put all our energy on ourselves so that we can learn to live life with compassion for the alcoholic while still taking care of our lives.
I am glad you have some literature and are posting here. I am glad your son is waiting for a bed in a recovery house and pray that the bed becomes available very soon.
Please keep posting and sharing. It is important to connect and break the isolation.
ey
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 11th of July 2010 12:21:17 AM
I am sorry to hear about ur son's problem and I can not imagine how much pain it could bring.
It hurts, yes, very very badly. We want them to overcome their addiction, we want them to get the best possible medical/mental support we can arrange, we want them to remain alive before they hit the hard bottom...however, the desire of change has to come within themselves, we can only do some part, there is a limit of how much we can do. After we reach our limits, it is all up to them. It is their decision to continue to live like this.
If u can, u need to tell urself that u have tried ur best and u r only human not god. U need to think about what u need except wanting ur son to get better, u need to look after other needs in your life, try to get distracted by other things... If your son wants to be sober, he can with or without ur help. We keep ourselves drowning in our wishes for our AHs to get better will not do anything good for our AHs but damage our own well beings.
No one here feels anything but understanding, love, and compasion for you and your situation with your son. There are times especially on the weekend late at night when very few members check in to the MIP site. Please understand. Every member of MIP is here for the same reason...we all have been effected by someone elses drinking. Everyone is important and everyone is equal.
I searched for R.o.p.e.s. and could not find any information on the program. To me the most important thing is the fact that your son is going to check in to a treatment center to get help. He will be starting the battle for his recovery and hopefully soberity.
I just re-read your first two post and the repiles you received back. The members who responded to your first two posts have years in the program and tons of ES&H. You have taken their lead and are doing what you think is right for you. By continuing to take care of yourself first and letting HP be in charge of your son....all will work out for the best. HP doesn't make mistakes. After several years fighting this disease I turned my AW over to my HP and then got out or his way. My wife is in much better hands now. HP is with your son...he is not alone....and neither are you.
Again I am sorry you felt the way you did. I hope in some way my post reinforces to you that we all care about each other. MIP is one big loving family...we care about you...we love you...and we want only the best for you and your son. I am proud he is seeking the help he needs.
Aloha Okwitt...good question... I knew I was crazy when I got into the Al-Anon program and was looking for that special alien bus stop where they landed at and would spirit me away. I suffered from paranoia also which is normal in this disease. The insanity we arrive at is very broad and given an inch I could get lost in it. Patience helped me out alot.
The ROPES program may mean the ropes confidence course that they use in different kinds of programs where the client learns self confidence and trust in and with others. They swing from ropes, climb on ropes, walk on ropes, hang from ropes and I guess lotsa other stuff. It might work for him.
am sorry u feel out of the loop so to speak ,but I cannot reply to something i have not experienced myself .. i believe I responded to a couple of your posts in the past .. please keep commin back we really do understand . Louise
Hi ((((okwitt)))) Whether the A in our life is a spouse, parent, son, daughter, or friend, all of us here are struggling to help ourselves deal with the situation. Maybe that means that sometimes we get so caught up in our own misery that we forget to reach out to others. I am so sorry that you feel alienated, and I DO know what you mean. I have been trying out the F2F meetings in my community and I feel exactly the same way there. I keep trying to remember that everyone there is hurting in some way, too, and maybe THEY need MY help. But it's still a very lonely feeling and, again, I'm sorry that you feel that way here. I hope you continue to come back and are able to find some measure of hope, encouragement, and strength from the people here, not only in their (our) response to you, but in finding out about their lives, too. My HP works in a very odd (to me!) manner sometimes. But I find that when I make myself follow His path and not mine (VERY difficult for me), everything works out for the best. I am thinking of you today and hoping that you are feeling better and stronger with each moment that passes.
love from Denise
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"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time."
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"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time."
It goes without question that your pain is as great as anyone elses here, I am sorry if I don't reply, if I don't feel I qualify to give any useful experience I keep quiet, but I do read your posts and the replies that you recieve are very valuable to me also, All I know is, having a blood relative who is an a must be soooooo much harder, especially a dear child, please don't feel I don't care, I sometimes lurk, but thankyou for reminding me, much love.
First, welcome to MIP. I have only recently returned myself and I know if you keep coming back, you will receive wonderful ESH from all who post here.
I have read through your prior posts and understand you are having a lot of trouble detaching from your son's condition. The lesson of detachment is a tough one. It takes many of us a very long time to understand truly what it means, let alone actually do it.
I also sense that you are in crisis mode - a time where your own life is spiralling out of control because of the things that are happening around you. For me, I suffered panic attacks and was worried every minute of every day what would happen to my AH. It was not healthy for me. It also felt like no one understood me. I felt so alone. I posted here, went to a counselor and went to F2F meetings. I saw that you cannot go to F2F meetings - hopefully the online meetings here will help. I also ordered, borrowed, tons of alanon literature. Sometimes those books kept me company through my worst obsessing.
I am sorry of I haven't replied you any of your posts... I don't always check the board daily Please know you are among friends here and we understand your pain My adult son is an addict so I totally understand where you are coming from. I was crazy when I walked thru the doors of alanon sometimes my behavior was crazier than my sons to be perfectly honest and I had NO skills as to how to cope with this problem what so ever. I woke up one day and literally dropped to my knees and cried to God for help and soon after I was lead to alanon. Wow! Talk about prayers being answered it was a miracle for me. I was not unfamiliar with alcholism or addiction as my husband and I both came from addictive familes. We purposly moved 3 states away when our children were young so they would not be subjected to the chaos. But not knowing really anything about the disease we didn't realize that while my husband and I weren't A's we sure carried the caracteristics. Moving did help much obviously as we moved our own dysfuntions with us. We were very involved parents thought we were doing all the right things, supported our children in what ever dreams they chose to pursue. Imagine the shock when our son became an addict... he went from a smart, kind, loving, athlectic boy to a man we no longer recognize as the disease took control. Today he sits in jail in thier rehab unit and we are trying to secure him a place in a sober living home upon his release as we can no longer live with his disease. We can only pray he embraces recovery but we have no expectaions he will do so. We always have hope but have learned to not have expectaions as they only lead to disappointment. So I hear your pain loud and clear. And I know the pain your son must be going thru as I see the pain in my own sons eyes. I haven't seen you in any of the on line meetings here, I usually am in the morning meeting. The best I can tell you is to embrace your own recovery get to as many meetings as you can wether face to face or here on line, learn all you can about how this disease works and start working on yourself. I can tell you that alanon has saved my life and my sanity and I do not say that lightly I am being literal. Blessings to you in your recovery and keeping you and your son in my prayers
I just found this site yesterday and I too have a 29 yr old alcoholic son who lives next door to me. I have got to learn that I cannot fix him and try to let go and stop trying to keep him on the right path. It sure is a different path of motherhood that I never dreamed I would be taking. Keep your faith ...
(((((GreenValleyGirl))))) i'm new to this too.... you must come back and go to the on line meetings and chats. thanks for the comforting words. I pray it works out for you and your son soon! Hope to stay in touch!!!!
-- Edited by okwitt on Wednesday 14th of July 2010 11:17:13 PM
