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It's been a while since I've been on here - I'm sharing for the health of it...
My Alanonic Grandmother just passed away at 92 and I am working through a bunch of conflicting feelings. Boy, was she a RAGE-aholic. The dynamic of my granfather drinking and her being bossy Baptist housewife was heavy-duty. She was also very codepndant - she nursed her mother, who I knew, until she was 103. Grandmother screamed at her almost daily.
\My Grandmother was angry - at a lot of things. Alcoholism was at the base, but a World War, being snubbed by her older brother over property after her own father mysteriuously died all of a sudden one day - and a many other things contributed to this. After my Great-Grandmother passed away she fell into a deep depression and had to have medication.
When I was young , I was afraid of her. My grandfather drank more to I guess numb out the noise. She was not the cause, just part of the situation. We grandchildren (us boys) were charged with helping keep Papa's bottles hidden. After my Grandpapa died suddenly, (I've just realised when typing this - much almost exactly like her own father) she needed much more medication and therapy. The last time I saw her, I was nervous and unclear if she was so fizzed on antidepressants that she actually could feel - but she did respond and all, and we shared some nice moments.
My grandmother was also the one to bring me my first and only real teddy bear when I was 3 years old, that is sitting on my bed right now. She and my Grandpapa drove in unseasonable heat to help my mother when I was born. They took me in when my parnets divorced, and although Grandmother was usually uppity about something, and Papa asleep (after work) or hung over (days) they worked and I had a nice home. They gave me a birthday party when I was 6, and went with us to the beach many times when I went back to live with my Mom.
She gave me moeny a few years ago for painting her kitchen. She liked to talk to me on the phone when I'd call recently.
Through my recovery in Al Anon, and CODA, and open AA, I am able to appreciate the gifts, and work through the rest. I am also working to keep up my own courage to change on an ongoing basis to relate with my Mom, who acts almost just like my Grandmother, in a way that is safe for me and respectful of her.
Thanks so much for posting and I'm very sorry for your loss. You have an incredible awareness of the good and bad in your relationship with your grandmother. I can relate as many of us have the same kind of mixed emotions and memories. I have always felt that my HP is the good that is in everyone, and everyone has it in them to be and do good.
I am so sorry for your loss. I think it is an important reminder to all of us... that just because other people are alcoholics and/or codependents... it doesn't make them bad people. It sounds like they loved you very much and did the best that they could for you. I think that it is awesome that in your time of sorrow, you can remember them getting you your teddy bear, beach time and talking with you. This is so important to remember after our loved ones pass. We have to remember that even with all their difficulties and/or shortcomings, they were doing the best that they could. Thank you for sharing and I am so sorry for your loss. Peace to you.
