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Happy 4th of July! My older daughter turned 11 today. She was born during the Boston fireworks finale 11 years ago. Since our town's and family celebrations of the 4th are actually on the 5th this year, she wanted (1) a cell phone and (2) to spend the day with her dad. The last time she saw him on her birthday, I think she was turning 6, and he was too busy drinking to come into the kitchen to sing Happy Birthday and watch her blow out her candles....
After much internal debate, I got her the phone; hopefully it will help her connect with a few friends over the summer.
I bent my boundary of him not seeing the kids if he's been drinking, and allowed the kids to see their dad - with me present - for a few hours this afternoon at the local beach, then took him with us to dinner. It wasn't my idea of a good time, since I could tell he'd been drinking, but I got three text messages from my little girl:
Hi mom. This was the BEST bday ever thx.
Thank you for the most magical birthday ever. I love you.
THX for the BEST birthday EVER.
Gotta get some sleep - the parade starts early tomorrow morning! Hope everyone's having a happy, wonderful and SAFE 4th!
Awesome stuff Linda.... a great example of you truly putting your children first..... I struggled with those areas as well, and had to learn to "check my motives" all the time.... I found that I was often so (personally) mad at my AW, it made it very difficult to discern what was good for (and not good for) the children.... For you, it sounds like 'supervised visits' was the right answer, at least on occasion.... Good for you, for trusting in yourself and the program - it really does work if you work it...
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Thanks for sharing. That's the great thing about boundaries, they're ours to decide if they're right or wrong for us. It so good you have a boundary in the first place, but also good you can take a look at it and make sure it hasn't become a wall. There's some great readings on boundaries in courage to change. Take care, Rocky
I so related to your share. My father was an alcoholic once my mother left him I can count on 1 hand the times I was allowed to see him. I don't believe it was because my mother feared for me but feared herself being drawn back into a toxic relationship. As a child I processed that into my father abandoned me, didn't care about me etc. So I applaud your decision to allow your daughter to see her father. Children love thier parents no matter what when they are young and it is important for your daughter to see that while daddy may be sick he still loves her. I think supervised visits is a great thing Thanks for your post
