The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been on this forum three years, no face to face now, no sponsor, living with a four years sober husband no programme, one son 19, a daughter who has just finished her degree and gone travelling solo south america, she emailed me yesterday she has got a first class honours dergree, WOW the pride!
So the is where we are at my husband and I, someone said they start to mature from the age they started drinking, when they stop, and this is so true, I have tried to detach from my husbands teenage behaviour with love, but I confess I cannot always do this because, he is 60 years old now and when you do have a son of 19 who at times is displaying the same behaviours, it's not surprising it makes it difficult to disiplin a child and for them to know the difference.
So it accured to me, as so so much does these days, we out grow old behaviours, I know I shouldn't but I often say, when husband loses it over the smallest things, ask yourself how important is it, is it best to be right or happy, I know it is not my place to tell him these things, and I know I cannot do for him what he has to do for himself, but living with this is hell make no mistake, it is a living hell, so now I am going to find a face to face and go, I am going to get a sponsor and work my steps,
I haven't gone about this the way that most suggest, I have done it in the order that I had to do it to learn the message that I need to learn to take care of me, I am not sure if sobriety will save my marriage, but for now thats ok, for now I know it's ok to go slow to stop sometimes, and to practice, and to fail, but mostly to learn.
Katy no one learns the same or grows the same! You are doing great, and learning some very valuable truths. So glad you are here! As you said it now has brought you to the path of needing Al Anons steps.
I know from my experience and bunches of others, when one stops drinking,and does not have a program of recovery, the saying is,"It is still a fruitcake just doesn't have the nuts."
My exAH would even say that when he was on program, nope, he just isn't drinking, he will again.And they would.
I liken it to a rubber band. I am off sugar now, if I didn't have a plan, where I eat only good food, exercise that I like, be positive and choose to feel good instead of the temporary feelings sugary things give me.
If I just stopped eating sugar, I would be fighting myself the whole way, getting tighter and tighter till I broke.
When an A stops using without the tools they need, allll the things they stuffed away or drank away, still get stuffed. They do not know how to deal with them.
My ex lost soooo many of his loved ones to death, had a brain surgery, lost all his work tools, his van and on and on. Here he is stalk raising sober, insane and worse becuz he has NO idea what to do with so many adult losses. I watched him go more and more insane.Then his whole him was gone.
The brain damage from using and surgery was too much. Back on dope he went. That is my experience.
Took me a year probably to really really see he was never coming back.
Thank God HP for Al Anon, the people here. My miracle came from here.
I know you will find yours too, or it will find you. love,debilyn
