Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: My Son wants to join the marines


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1263
Date:
My Son wants to join the marines


(((((((((Friends)))))))))))),

My wonderful son of 18 wants to join the marines....,now I know this is an honorable thing..however he is my baby yes I know he is becoming a grown man and honestly it may be the best thing for him.

I however will miss him so very much, he is my sanity, my friend and i love him so.  I could not imagine my life without him here everyday.  i could not imagine not hearing nite mom I love you.  I could not imagine him walking out the door, see you in a bit mom love ya. I can not see my life without him everday.

That said, I can see him seeing the world, Zach has always played sports and has been very structured throughout his life.

So this is the delima, do I give up the selfishness of having my son home with me and let him go out into the world and make his mark????

If this is truely what he wants how do I even attempt to stop him...this boy or young man should I say of 18 has endured more in his lifetime than most adults could even imagine.

I will morn him leaving, I will miss his smile, I love my son and I want him to be happy and right now he is not.....I have no problem with cutting the apron strings but who knows how far he will be and how often I can see my baby.

My heart is taking so many turns right now and i am confused. 

And words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

With Hope,
Andrea


__________________
Tomorrow is not a guarantee enjoy today


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3854
Date:

Oh boy,well as u said he is 18 . letting go of a child is rough but its his turn Andrea - there are computors and skype biggrin  u can still talk to him and see him regularly.. he has to go on his own path . Probably not what uwant to hear but he has to do what he thinks is best for him ..  just like the rest of us .
((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))


__________________

I came- I came to-I came to be



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 604
Date:

I felt I had to reply to you, Andrea.  My son is in the Army Reserves. He signed 2 weeks before 9/11. He called me that day (9/11) scared for everything that happened.  He was activated on March 3rd and shipped out right after Mother's Day that year.  He spent 15 months in Tikrit, Iraq.  It was the longest year + of my life. I still have the lines around my eyes, which I call my "Iraqy lines."  The day he came home was one of the happiest days of my life.  I don't think I had slept a complete night since he had left.  A couple years later, I was visiting him and his wife and he told me he wanted to go for a walk with me alone. While walking, he told me that he had re-inlisted.  I was dumbstruck!  How could he do that again?  I just looked at him and he smiled this little smile and "Mom, I wanted to do it. I love  this country that I live in and the freedoms we enjoy.  I know that you don't want me to go "over there" again and I don't want to go. But, I will, because it is part of the job."  I gave him a hug, told him I loved him and that I was VERY proud to be his Mother. Fast forward.... he is still in the Reserves, still loves it, now has a civil service job with the reserves full time. Actually, he has been one of the main players for setting up the month long training in Death Valley this year for their region of reserves.  How could I not be proud?  Being the Mother of a soldier is tough but the man that he has become has been awe inspiring for me.

I am not in any way, telling you what you should do. I am just sharing my story. The decision to give my blessing for him to sign, was one of the toughest decisions that I have made. But for my son, he can be a little headstrong, and if he was going to sign, I wanted him to know that I give my blessing. I didn't want him going in knowing that I was against it and the reasons for them were my own selfish ones.

I'll say a prayer for you Andrea and for your son that you come to a decision that is right for both of you.  Peace.

__________________
Sweet Stanley


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 171
Date:

Hi (((Andrea)))
No advice, just a little empathy: I have a 17 year old with one year left of high school. He is our 'quirky' kid and he lights up my life every day with his music, stories, and laughter. I am already dreading the day he graduates, knowing that will be the beginning of his 'new' life, one that includes me less and less as the years go by. This is what we work so hard for, to raise them up so that they can be happy, independent, contributing citizens. But when you have one that is such a joy in your life, it is so difficult to see them go.
You and your son will be in my thoughts and prayers as I go through my day. I'm sure you will make the right decision, as it sounds like you love him very much. Search your heart and talk to him, telling him the things you've shared here (whoops, sorry, I said no advice!).I am sure that he will continue to bring you joy, wherever he may be!

___________________

Denise

"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time"

__________________
"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time."


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1138
Date:

I have serveral friends who have walked in your shoes amd thier sons/daughters have joined the military.
My son whose is also my A dreams of the day he can enlist in the army. When he gets out of jail and finishes his probation his intention is to enlist immediatly... i won't use him as an example
I also have an older daughter who at 17 wanted to "go away" to college as she graduated early. My life has always revolved around my children. When she stated it was time for her to go and much as it broke my heart it was then time for me to step out of her way and let her start to live her life.
It funny that when they are little childen we think and wait for the days that they leave and we can start living our own lives then when it's time for them to spread thier wings we want to hold on tighter than ever.
As hard as it is to do it is your son's turn to live his dreams and make his own choices. As he picked a choice that is clearly dangerous it makes it especially hard but serving our country is an honor and you should feel proud.
I do feel your pain in having to let go but the pride you will feel at thier success is worth it
Blessings

__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1744
Date:


I feel for you Andrea, but I think its out of your hands and appears your son has made his choice already. Its not your decision to make.

Turn it over to your HP, never know what will happen.

Luv n hugs to you, Bettina


.

__________________
Bettina


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 530
Date:

When I grew up there was the draft.My A was number four.That meant he was going.

When I had my son, I swore if they came for him, we were outa here. And I meant it.

I am telling you this so you know, I know how you feel!

When I had to push my son out of the nest it killed me.But your son will make ya proud like mine did.

When you say ok I trust you.When he sees you let him go, it will make him feel so good that you have faith in him. You know he will be ok.

He won't know what he can do until you let him go. Our boys need to feel their strengths, find out if they can make their own decisions.

You will be ok, and sometimes you won't. It is harder on us I think without a mate to share with, fall back on.

Don't worry, he will still drive ya crazy....(c:   loves ya hon, debilyn



__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3656
Date:

((((Andrea))),

On this July 4 all I can think of are the men & women who gave their lives so that we can be free.  I think of the men & women serving now and their families.  What they do is not easy.  They choose to serve their country.  We did not draft them.  A hard choice to make.  A noble one.  A couragious one. 

Not having children I was trying to think how I would feel if one of my nieces decided to enlist.  I would be scared, proud and sad all at the same time. All I could do  would be to hold them tight, enjoy them while they are here and let them go.  Not easy for me.  I go through withdrawl when I don't see them every couple of weeks. 

For whatever reason Zach has chosen this path.  He is a man and you raised him to be strong and thoughtful.  I for one would be very honored to send him care packages and letters from a greatful American.  This is life on life terms my friend.  You will continue to live it the way you always have, with grace.  Much love and blessings to you and your family. 

Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty heart.gif


__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2188
Date:

Andrea, I read your post with interest being a mother of three who are scattered all over the country.  My daughter and her family live in PA, son and wife live in DC, second son and wife live in AZ, I live in TX.  Of course I would rather we be piled up somewhere on a large family compound, but they have their work elsewhere.  Yes, it is heartbreaking to see them fly away, one at a time, to do what they must do.  But, as Moms, we both know we must left them raise those wings and have a go at the world.

Just think about how he will look in his uniform, the fact that he is willing to serve his country, and be proud that you have reared a fine son.

Sending both of you positive thoughts and good wishes,

Diva


__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.