The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i'm thinking of going to a CODA meeting tonight. i'm in a new-ish relationship with a man who doesn't need fixing (well, there are plenty of things i can find to fix if i start thinking that way) who doesn't need caretaking (except that i want to take care of his every imagined need and help him overcome some emotional baggage) and who is pretty much an independent "good catch".
i'm also keeping a list of how often he calls/texts and how promptly he responds to my calls/texts... and letting THAT and what i imagine he's thinking about me affect my entire outlook on myself. i've started out with a healthy situation and i'm quickly strangling it.
anyway - does anyone have any experience with CODA groups? and can anyone please let me know that i'm not alone in having the relationship crazies after being with 2 alcoholics for a total of 16 years?
Aloha xter...been there done that and can without thinking attempt to do that also. I've had membership in most 12 step spiritually based, social model recovery programs (that is what we are called) at one time or another in my search for peace of mind and serenity. Came a time I inventoried what worked best and called Al-Anon and then AA also the programs for my life. That's what worked for me...Searching forever for me was a sign of me trying to fit the program to me rather than me to the program so Al-Anon, AA, MIP are it for me and it has worked.
It is all my HP's will and my will is to follow thru on it.
I wish you success in your fixing business and hope your best and only client is yourself. (((((hugs)))))
I attnded CODA when we had one in town here - found it very consistent with Al-Anon, but with the focus more on relationships - with self and others... Good for you in recognizing these things in yourself - awareness is the first big step in dealing with it...
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Stay in the program it will take care of the need to be needed all the time I just heard someone say that a new relationship is like pouring fertilizer on my defects of character !! just because we move on the defects don't . stay and work on yor insecurities , no one person can be everything to another that is way too much to ask of anyone .. learn to make yourself happy and anyone else who comes into your life treat them as a bonus . good luck
My A is in rehab right now and we just attended a family therapy session last week. The therapist quickly shifted his focus from the A to me.... I cant even begin to tell you how shocked I was by that. I didnt even realize what codependant was until then. Although I am realizing I do have these issues, I am trying to take it one day at a time. A book that was recommended to me was "codependent no more". Good luck
I just heard someone say that a new relationship is like pouring fertilizer on my defects of character !! just because we move on the defects don't . stay and work on yor insecurities , no one person can be everything to another that is way too much to ask of anyone .. learn to make yourself happy and anyone else who comes into your life treat them as a bonus . good luck