The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been feeling better and better since I came into Al-Anon. It's been ups and downs, but the trend is that it's getting better. I have even managed to be happy about little things in Life.
I miss my alcoholic ex-girlfriend still. I have no contact with her and have been able to stop looking into her face-book for the last month or so. She is doing the steps in AA and is advised by her sponsor to not see me. I agree too. It's doing me good not to be with her. I know it would be much harder for me to work it in Al-Anon if she was still in my life.
But for the last three nights or so, she has entered my dreams. Every night now, I have had dreams of her. I'm trying to get back with her and argue about it. Trying to convince her. I speak to friends in my dreams that say there is still something between me and my girlfriend and that I should not give up.
I didn't see this coming. It's like all the things I have worked on in Al-Anon only apply when I'm awake. And when I do wake up, it takes me a long while to get back into the reality.
I find all this strange. I really don't want to argue with my ex-girlfriend. But I think I know that if I tried to contact her I would slip into old behaviour straight away. And then the arguments and blaming would start again.
I am worried about when she is done with her steps. She have said that we can't see each other before July. The thing is that we can't even see each other then either, because I go to Norway (study in England where she is) then for three months.
Everything that has to do with her seems so pointless. I have told myself that I will not contact her after she has done the steps. If I do that I will have hidden intentions. It must be up to her, but even if she does contact me, I might not be ready. She wants us to be friends, something I still think is impossible for me without trying to get back with her. And that involves more manipulation. I don't want to do that any more...
I'm going to a meeting today in four hours. I need it today.
Thank you all for being here. Could you please come into my dreams too?
Are
__________________
If we try to judge another person using ourselves as a reference, we forget that we are all different. Where is the justice in that?
I am so glad you are here and sharing. To assist me in the transition from my dream world to waking, I have found that I can repeat the Serenity Prayer as soon as I am aware of being awake and then when I feel settled I can handle the dreams.
I think your dreams ar very powerful. It may be your way of looking at the realtionship and seeing the reality so you can deal in the future.
Hope your meeting went well. Maybe I will see you in your dreams
Thank you for replying. I'll try to focus harder on the program as soon as I get up. I already read in "Courage to change" and a nice "Just for today"-card on my wall.
I did go to the meeting, but got the time wrong, so I entered as they were closing it. They still took some time to talk to me which was very helpful. One lady said to me that even though I don't feel it today, she said she could see that I have come a long way since I got in Al-Anon and that I have shown that I am willing to work it.
I'm really glad I went although it was only for a short time.
As for the dreams I guess I have to accept them too at the moment, and do what I can for them not to influence my day. It's hard work, but I can't have these dreams forever. I'm saying to myself "this too shall pass".
As I mentioned at the meeting today, or end of the meeting, there is one thing I always find hard about our literature. That is that there is so much about how to deal with an alcoholic that is still in your life. Mine is not. And when I read about detachment, it says that it does not mean that I cant be around the alcoholic. And most of the times I read about breakups it is not the alcoholic that leaves. She is the one saying that we can't be together, not me. If I had a chance to be with her with my new head I would.
There is still a lot of "what ifs" that I have to let go of.
I don't know how my ex-girlfriend is today. This might be a good thing as there would probably be something there I would obsess about, lol.
Thanks for being here : )
Are
__________________
If we try to judge another person using ourselves as a reference, we forget that we are all different. Where is the justice in that?
Meetings seem to suit you well. I encourage you to continue!!
Also, I have found that what I focus on expands. (I refer to it as one of those natural laws.) This 'law' was pointed out to me by several authors that I read. Again, I find it so true. So regarding your dreams, perhaps if you don't contemplate them, nor talk or write about them, they might pass sooner rather than later. That appears to what you want. If a dream pops into your mind, let it go.
Furthermore, it appears that her initiating the breakup bothers you. Truly, it doesn't matter. What is, simply is. Seek to accept it. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. Quite the contrary.
Keep up the good work.
Just my 2 cents.
Take care, Gail
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Meetings seem to suit you well. I encourage you to continue!!
Also, I have found that what I focus on expands. (I refer to it as one of those natural laws.) This 'law' was pointed out to me by several authors that I read. Again, I find it so true. So regarding your dreams, perhaps if you don't contemplate them, nor talk or write about them, they might pass sooner rather than later. That appears to what you want. If a dream pops into your mind, let it go.
Furthermore, it appears that her initiating the breakup bothers you. Truly, it doesn't matter. What is, simply is. Seek to accept it. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. Quite the contrary.
Keep up the good work.
Just my 2 cents.
Take care, Gail
Oh Geez!!!!!!!!!! I just realized that I gave advice! Sorry everyone!
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Lol. Don't worry about it. I appreciate your insight. In this case I don't think you have done any harm
I do however notice that when you say to let go of the dreams, I find that something inside me is saying NOOO! It's all you have left!
It's just the disease though. I know it! And I'm happy to recognize it. Al Anon has given me the ability to see when my head goes off on it's own. If I'm quick enough in responding I can get back on track.
I do want my dreams to end and I do want to get better in every way. But I fear that the cost of that is never to be with my ex-girlfriend again. If this is the case I want that too. Working it is the hard bit.
It's like with me and cars. I don't have a driving licence and haven't had much practice. I'm 29! (Can partially be traced back to one time I was practising with my dad and almost hit a policeman).
I would like to have a driving licence and a car, but not willing to do the training.
I don't know if it makes sense or not, but I know that Al-Anon won't help and my HP won't help unless I'm willing to put the work in.
So one day at the time, I'll do my very best
Are
__________________
If we try to judge another person using ourselves as a reference, we forget that we are all different. Where is the justice in that?
