Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Dry Drunk - Drinking again...need advice.
Post Info TOPIC: Dry Drunk - Drinking again...need advice.
mavis


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 2
Date:
Dry Drunk - Drinking again...need advice.
Permalink  

This board is so full of perspective and kindness, maybe you can help. 

My husband who had been sober on and off for five years, is drinking again.  For months, he had been "hiding" his drinking which is pretty pitiful since he was falling down drunk on several occassions. 

But I didn't really fight it; he has been miserable and become very isolated since he quit drinking, and I was tired of living with a miserable lonely boring person.

Also, I felt guilty myself because I had been drinking on occassion myself (I am not an alcoholic), but still I know it is not ideal and probably contributed to this mess. 

So, I told myself, I'm not his mother/keeper/warden.  And told him, quit hiding it from me like a little kid, maybe he can keep it under control. 

But he can't.  After drinking in secret all day, he told me tonight that he never was an alcoholic and has everything in check.  Then he fell down the stairs and passed out. 

We're quickly heading back to where we were when he went into treatment the first time and I don't know if I can do it again. 

Any words of wisdom or encouragement out there? 







__________________
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
Permalink  

((Mavis))

Welcome to MIP and Alanon

I read your share and can easily identify with what is currently going on in your life.  You are not alone and there is help. 

I would like to suggest that you check out Face to Face meetings in our community. 

By going to the following link:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

And placing your cursor over about us in the upper left of the screen, 3 more pull downs open.  One of these is information for the newcomer, and the second is Al-Anon for you; both have good information.


We also have on line meeting here 2xs a day and a 24/7 chat room avail.  PLease try to attend as you will be ableto  find help and new tools to deal with this cunning disease. 
You did not cause this you can not control it and can not cure it  . Focusing on yourself and your happiness will enable you to find clarity and make choices that are best for your family.;

PLease keep coming back



__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
abbyal


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3854
Date:
Permalink  

I am assuming u arent going to Al-Anon meetings for youself , I hopeu find a couple in your area , if you want a relationship with this man your going to need support . we have a part in this mess and Al-Anon will help u sort it out . This is just too damn hard to do alone .

__________________

I came- I came to-I came to be
DreamXL


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 405
Date:
Permalink  

Hi and thank you for your post.  I too would sugguet getting to meetings and perhaps coming to some meetings on line here.  Since there is absolutely nothing you can do to get him to stop drinking, seek recovery or anything else It really is the only thing you can do.  By the way you having a drink isnt why he chose to drink again.  Alcholics dont need a reason, its what they do.  Blessings and take care of u :)

__________________
mavis


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 2
Date:
Permalink  

thank you friends. this board is a good place.

__________________
JimmyX


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 8
Date:
Permalink  

Hi Mavis, 

I'm in a similar situation.

I placed a post recently on the board which may reveal and explain some of the madness, insanity and just how unmanageable life can become being with a dry drunk.

Like you, I have used the term 'dry drunk' to describe my girlfriend and since placing my post she has since been drunk twice.

Therefore, put simply we are both again dealing with active drinkers who yes are alcoholics.

I've almost driven myself mad trying to analyse and define my girlfriend's drinking and patterns of behaviour and what is the point in doing so?

At Al-Anon we are taught about detaching from this madness and mayhem. We are taught about the three C's - that we couldn't control it, we can't cure it, and we didn't cause it - the drinking. It's not you fault.

Your loved one like mine and thousands of other drinkers and dry drunks are sick and ill - mentally ill people. Drinking is a mental illness after all.

Have you thought about setting boundaries, detaching and attending Al-Anon?

I'm also struck by when you say: 'We're quickly heading back to where we were when he went into treatment . . . .'

Are you in a situation where you can make healthy choices and decisions so that you aren't part of the 'we' in 'heading back' into this misery?

I refuse to be part of my girlfriend's downward spiral and so live apart from her. When she drinks I refuse to see her for anything up to two weeks - boundaries.

That doesn't mean I do not care for - I do. I just can't continue supporting her in her poor decisions which cause illness, misery and potentially her death from drinking, but will support her in her decisions for health and life.

Be good to yourself.

Jimmy





-- Edited by JimmyX on Saturday 19th of June 2010 08:00:25 PM

__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Dry Drunk - Drinking again...need advice.