The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A called and said he didn't think he should drive home, I am thankful for that so many times he did drive when he shouldn't. We had a fight this week (he was sober) and of course it was mostly about what I had to change that made him stressed out etc. but also about how I get no emotional support from him, he doesn't tell me he loves me etc. He says he has alway had a hard time with that, well we have been together 8 yrs and with me he has always been capable of some kind of acts of how he feels but not for a long time. He says he understands why I can't live like that. Very rarely now does he go somewhere and drink and not be able to come home he used to do it a lot in the first 4 yrs or so. So as he is on the phone telling me he is sorry and it wasn't supposed to be this way I am starting to have an emotional melt down and telling him I'm tired of sorry it doesn't fix anything but he says it doesn't happen very often anymore and when I say it doesn't matter he says yes it does. I said a little bit more on how I feel and that it doesn't matter so what is the point he still tries to make his appolagies and I simply say stay there stay safe I have to go bye and hung up on him. Now I have this alone and empty feeling I haven't had for a long time and I hate it. I hate this place that I am in and I just want some peace. I will pray tonight to keep him safe and that I will feel better tomorrow.
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You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.
Our recovery is about us and not the alcoholic. You know the disease is progressive and they can be sober for a long period of time and then one day they are back at it , worse then ever.
Pray for him yes, but pray for yourself, for your serenity. Take the focus off of him and put it back on yourself and the steps. Have you been to a face to face Alanon meeting? Sometimes it easy to slip into complacency when they have been sober and we forget to apply the principles of the program.
Dont forget to come back and share with us. Wishing you courage, strength and hope.
