The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know I'm still a work in process when it comes to the program but my A literally sucks the life out of me!
I can never do anything right (ie: didn't pack enough diapers for my daughter)... One minute we can have a decent conversation and in the same sentence he turns on me just like that?!?! He can't make a decision to save his life then gets frustrated and takes it out on me, he is driving me CRAZY!!!
All the good I've ever done for this man....
Now I know I do not deserve this but I'm just exhausted and everything is finally catching up to me!
Guess I'm just having a HORRIBLE DAY! But I can't take the whining and poor me anymore it makes the resentment I have for him even worse!
__________________
Courage is not a roar. Sometimes Courage is the small voice at the end of the day that says "I'll try again tomorrow"
Right there with you! Whining from a man instantly triggers anger in me and I find it SOOO unattractive. Don't know why, not like they are all John Wayne..... And not like he didn't whine behind the scenes LOL.
I've been in the same spot, seem everything is catching up with me. I have slept a LOT over the last 3 days, been in a real funk, but just let it be. One of the things I get frustrated about, but try VERY hard to accept, is that in Al-Anon we are supposed to detach and accept them and their choices for what they are.
Sure would be nice if we got that in return, wouldn't it???? Let alone any gratitude. We bust our fannies to do everything, and do it right, and it is so hard to be judged for that - it still isn't enough. It is so frustrating. My fingers HURT from prying them open to let that one go.
It took all of my power to keep my mouth shut, detach detach detach, focus on me - until finally I just snapped and walked away. I even got into trouble for keeping my mouth shut!!! But hey, if you don't have anything nice to say . . . and I am not much of a whiner, so I just couldn't play along!
Today is a great day. It is summer, the sun is shining, and if nothing else that pic of your kids makes me smile!!!! It is all good. I also realized that a LOT of my recent funk was hormonal. As I get older that stuff seems to be getting worse. I feel like it is invasion of the body snatchers. I never used to have mood swings - now they take OVER. It feels like the world is coming to an end inside my head. It is difficult to navigate. And since it is just happening for about the last year, I still forget and wonder what is happening to me every month. But, today is a new day. Let's stomp our feet, get it out, and go do something wonderful for ourselves! I think it is going to be a walk around the lake with my kid. How about you?
tlc
-- Edited by tlcate on Thursday 10th of June 2010 11:28:46 AM
__________________
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
Its a beautiful day here in the So. Cal. The birds are singing. Theres a beautiful breeze...Im going to meet a friend for lunch, looking forward to it.
Its important to make a daily plan for ourselves!! Sorround yourself with positive people and positive activity. Life cannot be about the whims of the alcoholic. Whenever your A's starts to criticize you do you ever consider the source. The A is an unhappy , sick , person. You know what they say "Misery loves company" You must concentrate on empowering yourself for the wonderful women that you both are. You dont need validation , especially from a person with an addiciton.
This program is about us, not the alcoholic. Whenever your thoughts start to stray to the negative and the Alcoholic. Do something for yourself. Read the Alanon material, gain strength from it. Your not suppose to suffer forever at the hands of the A, we are here to find solutions for ourselves and live creatively. Im apart from the A, that was the best solution for my life. Alanon doesnt tell you to leave or stay, these are decisions you must feel comfortable with. Keep coming back and going to your meetings . Each of us have our own path, but it is our right to become happy, that is the goal. Luv, Bettina
Right there with you! Whining from a man instantly triggers anger in me and I find it SOOO unattractive. Don't know why, not like they are all John Wayne..... And not like he didn't whine behind the scenes LOL.
Same here, lol!!! My body cringes when he starts whining I can't explain it and in my head I'm saying "detach, detach, I can't stand you.. oh wait DETACH"...
He just doesn't get it he is so furious with me because I won't give in yet he is the one that put us in this situaiton? I'm the bad guy and everything he did/does isn't even an issue in his eyes? Grrr, grow up, ya know!
Anywho = )
It's is beautiful out today = )
__________________
Courage is not a roar. Sometimes Courage is the small voice at the end of the day that says "I'll try again tomorrow"
I am now coming to see that all I've ever really known is a kind of toxic relating. I did not know when to say no. I did not know when to shut up and I also didn't know what reciprocal meant. I had to be drained alive by an alcoholic to get to be able to see that.
These days, as you all know, I am around alcoholics at work, at home and in many milieus. I don't expect them to be rational, nuturing, kind or understanding. I now expect them to be irrational, intrusive, projecting lots of stuff over me (I don't have to accept the projection anymore). I also expect them to be very very confused and upset by boundaries. I no longer explain what a boundary is. I have them. I hold onto them. I practice them. I refine them. I go back and refine them some more.
Most of all I have to practice detaching. The more I can detach the more compassionate I can be. Compassion for me these days doesn't mean I open up my entire life and try to save someone. Compassion is seeing them as "ill" as I certainly have been most of my life.
Thanks Deana...you dug up an old metaphor that started to save my butt from along time ago. "You can't allow her to drive you crazy unless you get in the car with her and hand her the keys". That picture helped me to learn the next lesson... "NO" is a complete sentence. Does HP love me or not and all of the early lessons taught by AFG women. God it was hard at times!! LOL. ((((hugs))))
I know about the complaining and whining and blaming. I honestly don't know if they even take the time to think before they say something. Maybe they are so used to the complaining, blaming etc that it comes out automatically.
I try not to take it personally and it's not always easy. Someone posted on here when they are like that to pretend they have 'SSS' written on their forehead, meaning Sick, Sick, Sick.
