The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
All I want to do is cry. I can't seem to get out of this mood. We went on vacation two weeks ago, my AH, my 7 yr old son and myself. Had a great time and we always do when we go away. Its our 'escape' from life. But the minute we got on that plane to come home I started getting into such a funk and am finding it hard to get out of. Putting all these thoughts in my mind, that nothing has changed in my home. I still wonder everyday if AH is drinking but stopped asking. I don't want to know but torture myself instead. I am just so unhappy with my AH, whether he is drinking or not. All the hurt that he has caused me through the years. Why can't I be happy? Went to my counselor last week and cannot wait for my appt tomorrow. I just need something positive to think about and STOP thinking of all the negative. I need to live in the moment and one day at a time. I haven't attended F2F meetings as the only one in my area that fits into my schedule is the same time as my counselor appt. I know I need to go. My counselor is a recovering addict, so he really gives me good advice but I need to find a sponsor. Someone I can call and talk to when I am feeling this way. I just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head. Shut out the world. Thanks for listening, just needed to get this off my chest.
I get in these moods too. I think it comes with living a an A for many years. You start to think what is the point? But..... I can tell what is the point.... You, your son, sunshine, the wind in your face, a beautiful sunset, the smell of the air after a rain, our HP, hearing a child giggle, a smile from somebody you don't know, and the promise of tomorrow, I could go on and on.
I would suggest that you start living for you and not worry about your A. I had to set up "deal breakers" for me and my spouse about what we can and cannot do to each other. They have been in place since April and everything seems to be going well. I have decided that I'm not going "back there" to all the insanity and if my recovering AH wants to join me, that's wonderful, if not, I am moving forward. We only get one life and time is a wasting... Peace to you.
P.S. I hear it's going to be a beautiful sunset tonight.
Oh Sweet Stanley.....thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words.
Yes, it is time for me to start living for me and my son. Life can be good as long as I let it. Its all up to me. I have wasted so much of my life on my AH and thats why I started counseling again. I'm so tired of being miserable. I want to live and be happy.
I have been married to my AH for 32+ years, I understand what you are saying about wasting my life. But... I have come to realize that life is a journey. I wouldn't be who I am today without this "challenge". I have to say, I have grabbed onto Alanon with both hands and I'm not letting go. I have learned so much here and F2F meetings. I think you get so beaten down that you forget that life is truly a gift. I am who I am because of everything I have been through. I have always been a giver but I have more compassion for people, and I have also learned to take time for me. I am important too. I also do at least one nice thing for somebody every day. They don't need to know that I am doing something to make their day a little nicer. But this has been a win, win situation for me. I always feel so good afterward and it makes me feel better about myself. Hang in there. You too can be happy again. It only takes a little time and a little work. After awhile, it's not time or work, it's your life!
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
thank you for bringing me back and out of the bad mood I have been feeling for the past two weeks (off and on). Life is a gift and I want to grab onto it and not let go.
I am still learning and have a long way to go. Thank you!
I'm sorry you are having a bad day. I get into those funks too sometimes. It can be hard to pull out of it but we always do eventually.
You wrote ... "Putting all these thoughts in my mind, that nothing has changed in my home. I still wonder everyday if AH is drinking but stopped asking."
I know it is easy to look at what we want for ourselves and very easy to overlook what we have accomplished. You've stopped asking that is a big step. I had frustrations that I could not change fast enough especially on the wondering what my xAh was doing. It really helped me to stop thinking about how much I did think about those things and give more recognition to the moments or hour I got thru without thinking about it. Somehow those moments turned into hours, and then whole days at work. Everything takes time. You're doing the best you can and it is good enough
My gratitude list has been getting reviewed many times a day over the last few days. For me, I realize that a lot of what I am suffering is internal and I am the one with the way out. I have been under a lot of stress lately and I think that I am just now coming down - a little harder and faster than I expected.
I am going to go take a nice walk around the lake and excercise today. I think that will help. I am hoping for a little improvement by tomorrow when I will do more to take care of myself - and then a little more improvement and so on.
I have no expectations that I am going to bounce right out of this funk - but am willing to put the work in to get me back on my feet in no time.
Oh and what REALLY works for me - this may sound stupid - is smiling. Even if, no . . . especially if I don't feel like it.
Here's to hoping we all feel a little better tomorrow. Big HUG!!!
tlc
__________________
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
Bad days are normal when living in insanity , some days living with an alcoholic is too much for most of us but there is a way out and to let it pass u by .. change that councelors apt and attend the Al-Anon meeting do it for yourself . An councelor who is an addict can tell u about HIM * husb * can explain the disease to you but will never truly understand how his behavior has affected your life . Al-Anons do understand and will share thier experiences with you . please find the courage to change the things u can , YOU No one will ever tell u what to do but u will begin to understand your choices with help from the group and program, when living in insanity I didnt see that I had choices .. Get you life back , take responsibilty for your own happiness and the beauty of this for me was I didnt have to leave my marriage to do it . Accept that husb is who he is , you cannot change him but u can change yourself .. good luck Louise
I had deep toxic poisonous resentment of the ex A. For me the way out of the toxic relating is to work on a 4th step.
I must say when people in general in programs suggested I make gratitude lists I balked. I could see no reason to be grateful. I could see nothing "good" about my life.
The ex A caused tremendous pain, financial problems, emotional catastophe and more in my life. He spread his chaos around every place he went. I hung onto him until I had hardly any life left. Then I got here and started taking the suggestions. Detaching is really hard work. Malcolm Gladwell says that it takes a great deal of hours to learn a new skill (he puts it at a astronomical sum). Detaching is a real paradox because when most of us get here we're totally under water.
Eventually I did start using the tools, being busy, taking the focus off him (tremendously hard work), looking to do the next right thing.
No one says this will be easy. My life has improved tremendously as a result. Rather I should say I have improved. I still deal with the aftermath of the ex A. I still deal with alcoholics, crazy workplace, recession and health issues. I just deal with them in a much more mature, sane way than I did in the past and its largely due to al anon and the tools I very very reluctantly decided to learn here.
