The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been in both situations and I think is the same. Actually, I've had to work the program harder when not living with the A, cause the thought of losing him terrifies me, and when I'm not with him I imagine he'll find someone else and he'll be wonderful to her, and I have to really work it to keep myself grounded and my mind clear. I think is the same, cause not living with the A doesn't really change anything. The steps are the same and the strggles are the same.
(((Hopeless)))
__________________
Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
No same steps , focus may change , like step one I changed to I am powerless over other people and when I stick my nose into thier business thinking I know what s best for them , imediatly my life becomes unmanagable.. these steps are great for making my life better , for improving all of my relationships . , hope that helps . And divorced or not he is stil an Alcoholic and because of the children he will always be a part of your life so stay with it keep going to your meetings and take care of you ... Louise
In a pure sense, I'd say no difference. The program is the program, we work the steps on ourselves, for our own recovery.
However in a practical sense, living with an active alcoholic is going to create drama frequently, dealing with the crisis firsthand, and possible direct impact on your own life and limb. Personally, I wouldn't do it - that's just my opinion. Although the person was not an alcoholic, I do know what it's like to have my life and self-image revolve around another person. When she left me, I was in pain like you wouldn't believe, but I could not have accomplished the growth that followed if she had remained in my life, either actively in the relationship or just hanging around. I cut ties with her as completely as practically possible. Painful as it was, it turned out to be the best decision for me.
I read in a recent Forum magazine the phrase, "being in a relationship is like pouring fertilizer on my character defects".
I think perhaps not living in close quarters with an alcoholic can make things a little easier... but wherever I am, there I go. That means regardless of whether I'm living with an alcoholic or not, I still need Al-Anon, as this program has really helped me to start getting the roots of my co-dependency problems. As step Twelve suggests, we get to practice Al-Anon's principles in all our affairs. I define that as a promise that Al-Anon will help me work through ANY situation in my life if I look to the steps, traditions and concepts. I really don't see much difference at all, except, like abbyal, I just pretend the word "alcohol" in step one really means "other people, places and things".
There is no separate program, the program is the program whether your apart or together.
After living and being married to the XAH for 26 years, Im not going to beat around the bush, a lot of the pressure, suffering, confusion, stress dissapeared, immediately. For me anyway. Yes, there is some financial stress and at my age of 64, its not easy to start again and alone. But I dont concentrate on that, I just move forward. I also like myself and my behavior much better. I feel like myself again. Nobody else in my environment caused me misery as much as him and his disease.
I wish him well,we communicate and we are friends. He probably feels the same and is glad we are apart too, but I cant speak for him.
I still have to work the program. This program is about growing and finding solutions. I dont ever want to move backwards, its easy to do if your having a vulnerable day, but Alanon keeps me strong. Thank you Alanon, a grateful woman. Luv, Bettina
I've come to realize if the steps or traditions, meetings, or slogans didn't seem to be fitting then I needed to get to more meetings and talk more sincerely with my sponsor.
I don't think so. I know that while I don't live in an intimate relationship with an A, I certainly encounter them every single day in different capacities.
For me the program never lets up. I have to work it as hard today as when I was living with an active A.
