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From being quite young I can remember my parents arguing about the usual stuff. But also I can remember many times these arguments would come after my father came home late from the pub. When I was 13 my mom took seriously ill and nearly died. I remember very little about this time apart from the fear about not knowing what was going on a spending a lot of time staying with my aunty. After moms recovery life trundled on with the usual. My father worked away from home 2 weeks at a time and life seemed pretty normal. Sure I always remember him drinking but nothing spectacular. As I started working it gradually dawned on me that I never saw my dad sober. I left for work at 7.30 and by the time I came home he was drunk. My god it seemed like in 4 years I only saw him sober briefly for about 2 hours on a sat/sun morning. The arguments still continued with him and mom.
Next big thingout of nowhere hed being having an affair for a year and in a bid to save their marriage my parents refinanced and dad had to promise to go to AAbig mistake he came back drunker than when he left. He eventually convinced mom that it wasnt for him..but they stayed together. They had some good years. Eventually I got past my teens-early 20s and all the crap I took & drank to come out the otherside married with 2 kids. The grandkids brought great pleasure to my parents but dad was still drinking heavily. When I talked to relatives I was informed of what he was like all those years ago when mom was in hospital and couldnt look after himself let alone a 13 year old son. He fell apart as mom did everything, he hit the bottle. Now despite the grandchildren my parents had what appeared to be a really bad relationship. Dad did nothing apart from drink and my mom was treating him like dirt - My dad has always been a passive drunk and just gradually nods until he goes to bed. He would agree to anything and let mom say anything to himjust so long as she shut up eventually and he could get on with sitting in his chair like a zombie.
Sadly my marriage failed and driven by the desire to find some happiness in life and not end up like my parents I decided to leave my wife. Prior to this split my mom had started drinking too if you cant beat them etc. The split between my wife and I just seemed to take her bottle of wine everyday up to 2 bottles of wine a day and then to three ish. A passive drunk & an aggressive drunk do not make a good team. Moms general health suffered as she kept this up.
About 2 months ago out of the blue she had a chest infection. She was taken into hospital with pneumonia and sadly was buried 2 weeks later aged 62. When my dad first came home from work she was still at home ill and he took this as a bit of a chance to get drunk. For 2 days he was with her prior to going into hospital, eventually my ex wife and I picked up on how bad she had become overnight by a phone conversation with herdad was oblivious. From the very first time she got taken into hospital he couldnt handle it and took to the bottle. I ended up spending more time trying to keep him together than with my mom who was dying in hospital. The after the death, well now that really was an excuse for a partyand on it goes still, months later. He cries and cannot really function in any normal way. Its really bad when he's on Vodka but i try to keep him off that. He tried to stop altogether but couldn't due to the physical reaction. I got him to the doctors but he didn't take advantage and fully explain his bodies reaction to coming of booze. he was given diazepam but this just screwed him up more as he was drinking on top of that.
I found moms diary of the time he was found out having an affair and every single page talks of drinking. How she only went on at him because she didnt want to drink himself to death, how much she loved himhow she had been betrayed, how the woman he was having an affair with was a drunk too, sex lifeeverything you really dont want to see.
Hes refused to try and get some normality back into his life by going back to work. He gave up on the help the doctor offered him. He has a chronic chest condition, heart issues and needs to eat healthy. He now says hes an alcoholic and doesnt like drinking but cannot stop. He hardly eats and cannot take care of himself or his house. Hes asked me to help him but I dont know what to do
btw, hello my name is mack and i'm very worried :)
-- Edited by mack69 on Tuesday 8th of June 2010 08:59:24 AM
-- Edited by Karilynn on Tuesday 8th of June 2010 09:21:52 AM
Helloe Mack Welcome to MIP and alanon. I am so very sorry that you and your family have been touched so painfully by this disease. We here, and in alanon face to face meetings understand the pain and heartbreak you have endured. You are not alone and there is hope for you.
What you have detailed is a very familar pattern. Alanon believes that alcoholism is a disease. You did not cause it, you can not control it and you cannot cure it. What you can do is learn how to take care of yourself in a positive fashion and have compassion for the alcoholic.
Please look for alanon / or acoa face to face meetings in your community. The main office number is listed in the white pages of the telephone directory. Call and you will be given a list of the meetings in your area.
Attending meetings, breaking the isolation, focusing on yourself, helps to give clarity to a situation that right now appears hopeless.
Keep coming back
-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 8th of June 2010 09:57:23 AM
Welcome to the MIP family. You are in the right place. Here you will find great experience, hope, strength, wisdom and yes, humor (good for the ). I am so very sorry for your losss. You have been through much, MIP will help you heal.
If you click on the Alanon Home Group Page it will link you to the official website. You can find a local meeting in your area. Being with people who have been through the same experiences is wonderful. It's nice to know that you are not alone in this journey. If you can't find a local meeting you can come here. The chat room is always open.
Many others here will help guide you. Just know that we are a huge family which you are part of. You are always welcome. Healing and recovery is absolutely possible. It may be overwhelming at times. That's okay. It can be for us old timers too. If you stick with us all will be well. We're a pretty hearty bunch. There is great hope and many examples of miracles here. You will be one of them.
Please keep coming back to us. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <--the cat
P.S. I edited your post to increase the font size so that old ladies like myself could read it better.
-- Edited by Karilynn on Tuesday 8th of June 2010 09:46:36 AM
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
welcome I am so sorry you are in this situation. i hope you will give al anon a shot I know it can help you. Are you in touch with your father's GP? If so maybe they can give you some resources around having some home help. They could certainly arrange for meals on wheels even if your father is not eating it would be chance for other people to monitor him.
I hope you will find some resources to help you out and give al anon a shot at learning how to use some tools to manage your situation.
Welcome, I'm so proud of you for taking the first step and asking for help in the program that was literally designed by those affected by others in their family and friends of A's. There is hope for you. You have choices. You have a precious gift of life that you can learn to cope with all things that you are being tested with. Today, take care of you and keep coming back.
). I am so very sorry for your losss. You have been through much, MIP will help you heal. 
