The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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I haven't been on here in a long time....but thank my HP for this forrum for I needed to share and listen to others as well ASAP....
I have two little ones, quit my job to go to school full-time as I was doing both......and the last thing I want to worry about is AH. When the insanity comes and goes for almost six years.....on and off.......times of peace are super nice.....and as they say: Just for today...........Just for today, I'm deciding that I do not want to keep up with this pattern that seems all too familiar and that I do not want to go through again........things that I should have learned from already.......I do not want to repeat twice.
Excuse my language, but I'm having a tough time growing those "balls" that I need to move on.........because of love........Is love ever enough? Did this person ever love me? Of course, if they do not love themselves, they cannot love others right? and same with me.....if I cannot love myself, I cannot love others. I find that I haven't loved myself enough. I let myself be charmed into beleiving that I am loved when actions prove otherwise.
I let my blind heart make decisions that in this case my "aware mind" should. People say "follow your heart".....well in my case this time..... it's better to "follow your logic", because as much as I love and care and what not.....it has not helped me or my children (and there I go being the martyr! :) LOL.....anyhow...I have to laugh because I need some positivity in my life right now. and because I'm glad to be here. There won't be a local meeting till tomorrow so thank my HP for this forrum. :) As they say, "Keep coming back" even in times of sobriety......it's all the more important......ESPECIALLY in sobriety because it's so easy to get comfortable and eventually end up back at square one.
Glad you keep coming back. Was married to the XAH for 26 years.
Like the phrase we have heard so many times "Love Conquers All", it should be amended, except where addiction is concerned. Love cannot exist where there is no respect, or lies, and where there is an inbalance on one part, the A's part. I think it would be wiser to understand the disease of alcohlism and face our reality, that if not arrested it will take away every good aspect of a marriage or a relationship.
Love is important in our lives thats for sure, it has been my experience that I was the one doing the loving and the nurturing and the suffering also. I have been doing the program of Alanon since the early 90's and it takes awhile to catch on to a new way of thinking. Also the Alcoholic unwittingly will teach us thats for sure. If you dont have a plan or a belief or a program, they will take us down with them. You cannot do it alone. I have learned that being loved turned out to not be the priority of an active alcholic. After awhile I no longer required trying to get love from a man that could not love me because of his disease. That was the reality of it. We have been apart for a few years and he finally is sober, without my help and my love that would have killed him if I didnt get out of the way.
Today we are friends and he is very respectful and although I know he would like to get back, because thats the nature of him being dependent, but it would not be wise.
Rose, all I can say is stay with the HP and the program and you will do whats best for your life, Im sure of it. Hugs, Bettina
Can really relate to this statement you made Rose: "As they say, "Keep coming back" even in times of sobriety......it's all the more important......ESPECIALLY in sobriety because it's so easy to get comfortable and eventually end up back at square one." I know this is what happened to me. Things had been going pretty well so I quit working the program only to be "blind-sided" and end up where I was a while ago. Thanks for this reminder.
I love Keep Coming Back. At my first (AA) meeting, it was one of the things I truly heard and retained. I wondered how the meeting would end, and that simple three word statement said I was welcome any time and... well, it seemed to be pretty important. I heard that statement as "no matter what (else) keep coming back", or "even if you screw up and fail at every aspect of this program, keep coming back until you get it". Or "Even if you've got it, you can still keep coming back".
I just liked the sound of it. And I did screw up at most aspects of the program, but if I did anything right it was the "keep coming back part". It has been enough for me, so far.
