The material presented
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Hi, My boyfriend got serious about recovery a few months ago (he has a big heroin problem, along with alcoholism when he isn't using H). He was going to daily meetings, only hanging out with sober people, had a great sponsor, and was on a suboxone maintenance program. He was also on prozac for depression. He decided to stop taking it a few months back (I don't remember why), and lo and behold after it had worked out of his system he started having mood issues - not enjoying sobriety anymore, or service activities he had previously loved. He started saying things like "I don't know if I even want to be sober anymore." He then started drinking and smoking pot, and hanging out with the old crowd of friends. I talked to him and shared my concerns, he said there was nothing for me to be concerned about unless he starts drinking 'out of control' and using cocaine. I've been watching him take his suboxone every morning, and it kind of puts my mind at ease because I know that after he's taken that pill, he can't use opiates. However, this morning I found a half-dissolved pill on the floor. I think he's spitting out his pills after I look away and using again.
HOWEVER, I don't know what the 'right' course of action is here. When I have found things in the past, I've sat down with him and asked him about them calmly, I do not get upset or yell or anything. Last time I found his paraphernalia, I asked him about it and he instantly lied, became extremely defensive, and then was angry for days about how it's "his deal" and it shouldn't affect me. The fact is, when this gets out of control as it does every time, it's my things that are stolen and pawned and it's me who takes the brunt of his insane behavior.
So, I'm very unsure what I should do. Talk to him? Wait and see if it gets worse? I really can't tell if my thinking is flawed right now.
Thanks for your response, in advance. I know for sure I'm headed for the first meeting I can get to tomorrow morning.
Sangyaa, you can say anything you want, as long as you dont say it mean and mean what you say.
You know we cant say anything or make any emotional decisions, unless you mean it and follow thru.
This is all about you and your boundaries. If he's not working a program it can only get worse. Its all about what you want to do. What do you want for your life.?Meanwhile, if you dont want to react make sure your going to face to face meetings and working your program.
Remember nothing changes, if nothing changes. I wish you courage and strength. Pray to your HP. Luv, Bettina
Ellie I'm glad you are here, you are in the right place. Your decision to be at an Al-Anon meeting tomorrow is the next right thing to do. That will be a great start in your recovery.
You have no control over your BF's drinking or using. You are the only person you can change or control. Your BF is being controlled by this disease that takes no prisoners. Best described as cunning, baffling, powerfull and progressive. Nothing you can do will change the hold the disease has on him...nothing. He has choices and until he decides he needs help nothing will change, not your begging, pleading, crying, or threating. He and only he can make that decision. I know it is hard to watch the disease take over the mind, body, and spirit of your BF but you are powerless over the disease.
Step one in our program states: I adimited I am powerless over alcoholic (drugs) and my life has become unmanageable. Accepting that is the first step in your recovery. Tomorrow morning in your first meeting you will hear as I did that you need to take care of yourself first. That may not sound right or be what you want to hear but it's the most important thing you can do for yourself. We become as sick or sicker than the alcoholic in our life without realizing it. The disease makes us do and say things no sane person would ever consider. I've been there and done it all. As a well known writter stated: "Trying to stay sane while living in this disease is like an alcoholic trying to stay sober while living in a bar". It can't happen without help. The program is that help, it will show you how to "unlearn" all the things that you have been doing over and over again and getteing the same results.
You will find the help and tools you need in the rooms or Al-Anon from members who are walking or have walked in your shoes. No one there will give you advice...only their experience, strength, and hope. Accept the program at face value, don't question it, practice it and make it a part of your everyday life. It's a proven program that has worked world wide for millions of people. I'm one of them.
Ellie You are not alone anymore, we care about you just as the members in the rooms of Al-Anon will at your meeting tomorrow. You have found a new family---start your recovery. Keep coming back and posting. Be a Miracle In Progress.
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Thursday 3rd of June 2010 09:51:49 PM
In my experience with confronting my A always lies anyway. Then i end up getting more angry because he lies about it. My A too is also an opiate addict and i have tried to confront by being calm, angry, crying, looking out for him...and i always get the same lies and denial. I hope your able to figure this out and i pray that your bf decides to get the help he needs before it gets totally out of control. Stay strong and take care of you.
