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I was reading a post tonight started by soxfan. The topic was based on listening to your gut feelings. I followed through with what my gut told me to do today. It was terribly difficult.
We're divorcing; I initiated it some time ago (around 3 years back). Since he has difficulty following directives, I decided that I'd go with him to get our settlement agreement notarized. The first agreement sent to him, he managed to screw up by crossing out things he didn't like and not getting it notarized. He also tore a page and didn't return a page of the document. My attorney's assistant was quite irritated. I was embarassed. So again, I decided to "hold his hand" through the process of signing the paperwork. It's done.
It was heartwrenching to drop him back off at his brother's home. (He is living in a small house in back of his brother's.) I saw him tear up as we said good-bye. I wanted to take him back home with me! But my gut said absolutely not!
He isn't going to AA meetings any longer. He said that he drinks about ever 3 days. I know this is a lie. What breaks my heart is that he is still in denial. He is doing a great job fooling himself. But not me. He is trying to control his drinking.
Anyway, I feel as though I'm rambling. I thought I'd share my experience that I had today to let anyone out there who is struggling with their heart and logic that they are certainly not alone!
Take care all
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
I agree with going with your gut. In most cases when I have been wrong about a decision or a problem that came up it was when I second guessed myself and didn't go with my gut.
As far as your AH being in denial it always amazes me that they can't see the forrest for the trees. I'll pass on something simular my AW discussed with me a couple of weeks ago. She goes to AA meetings 4 or 5 times a week but is still a "very" active beer drinker. She was telling me about a friend in AA who was calling her two or three times a day but was having problems staying off drugs. My AW told me she had talked and talked to her friend....but her friend... "just didn't get it". I didn't make a coment....but I wanted to....like isn't that like the pot calling the kettle black.
Your post is timely. I've been separated for two months from AH. Communication has gotten worse and worse. I told him I couldn't try to talk to him any more (about the more serious stuff) unless we were with a counsellor who could mediate for us. But now I have agreed to let him come to the house to talk this afternoon. My "gut" tells me this is a very bad decision. Like the tears in your ExAH's eyes...I am still drawn into the person he used to be and I don't want to be a bad guy.
I also laughed at RLC's post. The "just doesn't get it" comment. My AH is still drinking, does attend AA, but often comments about others in the program:"They just haven't had their spiritual awakening like I have" or "They just don't get it yet"...I too, have learned to keep my mouth shut, but some days it's hard!
Anyways, wish me luck this afternoon. I am walking into dangerous territory here...my gut's already is telling me not to do it. So why am I?
Gail..so sorry for your heartache. Going with your gut is sometimes so difficult. Stay strong, sounds like your doing the best thing for you right now!!
Looking for peace: I, too, am drawn to the person that he used to be and could be if he didn't drink. That is what keeps me hooked to some degree. Last night I had to come home and remind myself of the past to keep my strength. I'm keeping our home, the home that we built with our own hands. I'd prefer to sell it, but real estate is severly depressed in our area. Plus, there are some other factors involved in me getting the house. He got a wad of money, our stocks and I don't ever have legal rights to his retirement or social security. The lawyer thought I wasn't asking enough. I took what I needed to have a good chance of making it. As it stands, I will likely have to work until at least 70 (if I'm lucky). He is now retired - his second DUI cost him his job; he is fortunate that he was eliglbe for retirement!
Anywho, good luck with your meeting today (looking for peace). I have found the less said, the better. It sure isn't easy to do, however.
Again, thanks to all who replied. It's beautiful that we can support one another. But wouldn't it be great if it wasn't needed? Take care all
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
